[bizzee]

I was trying to explain the process to a "friend" of mine and about how long things "should" take provided there were no snags, and that I was tacking on an additional 4 to 6 months to allow for problems. She just kept saying "oh, I am so sorry." If she said it one more time, I was going to reach through the phone and pinch her, hard !!

Let me say she is the type of person who is very jaded and will go out of her way to turn a positive into a negative at the drop of a hat. I can just see her being the type of "nosy" in this situation to make a point of asking me constantly where and when - just to get a dig in more or less. She'll know when we are settled in with our child.

That being said, I told her there was no reason for her to be sorry. I was not sorry. These are the facts and this is the process. I have made the commitment to wait it through and there is nothing to be sorry about. I really don't need her pity for something that is reality. I have a long way to go as we have just gotten started. Her final thought, which she felt she had to get across to me was, "well, it's a big commitment for a child that isn't yours."

[CarlaATX]

chris

I dont have any great answers---but Ive been there and AM there.

and the comments we've gotten about the snags we've hit and our kick out from pgn (alluding to the fact that it was all about money/people l ooking for money) have been exhausting.

I know people "mean well" but so many times---especially as my own patience wears thin--Im internally rolling my eyes!

hang in there.

[Disneycrazed]

OK
I have one of these people in my life also!!!!

I keep a smile on my face and laugh at times at comments like these! I'm not going to have someone else try to make me feel bad about something so filled with Joy. It is a hard process and so filled with fear etc... along the way. You do NOT need someone who will contribute to those feelings.

What I have been saying to people is that hopefully we will have our baby by the 1st of the year. I don't tell them all the details and steps that are involved except for a brief overview. I also say this with a smile on my face.

When you are having a hard time with things don't pick this person to confide in. I don't. I have other friends and family who I do that with. These people are just waiting to hear bad news to jump on the band wagon of doom and make you feel bad.

[redru2004]

I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with comments like these. Some people just don't get it and now matter what we say or do, I'm afraid they never will. I've run into a few negative comments from people and I really try to maintain my composure, but I have a tendancy to come back with either a flip response or one that makes them feel about 2 inches tall. Most of those around me though have been incredibly supportive, so that helps a ton. My older sister has said some really negative things, not against me adopting, but about her thoughts on my ability to mother and how I just don't know anything and I'm in for a rude awakening. I finally called her out on it and told point blank that if she couldn't be happy for me and supportive then I was choosing to no longer discuss it with her, that's helped a bit. Good luck to you and I hope your friend wakes up and realizes what she's doing!


Amie

[Mandy4President]

Baby that isn't yours? Nice. I've found that some people that I deal with on a daily basis, that I would have never expected something like that from, don't agree with adoption, yet they'd never admit it. It's like an internal thing, maybe it's because we have more ambition than they do and they're jealous! Yeah, lets think that.

I've run into the time comments more lately because we just accepted our referral last week and in telling everyone of course they ask when she's going to be home. So I tell them that I am hopeing by the end of the year. My MIL said how she couldn't believe that I would leave my baby down there for that long. Yes, it is my decision to leave her there. I mean after all, when you have a baby why would you actually want to live with them? I have lots more people say to me "so you get to go get her now." Um, no, I wish. I usually just tell people that it is the process and the way it is. Of course the hardest one is my MIL because her and I are like oil and water anyways, and to her I am neglecting her grandaughter by leaving her in a third world country (mind you, the same mother in law that didn't talk to me for three months because she didn't want us to adopt).

One of the most tireing things about this process is dealing with other people. It's a catch 22 because you are so excited to tell people every little detail and usually because they don't understand I end up wishing I didn't tell them anything at all. Anyways, hang in there. He/she is your baby and how ridiculous to think they're not. By the way, I'd tell your friend that it is a big committment to be friends with someone that you don't always agree with, but you take that in stride!!!

[wertygirl]

Ugh. We've been stuck waiting for the state to finish their background clearance (5 month for a home study- there's a snag! ). People are always asking for updates and wondering allowed what's taking so long. I know they're just trying to be nice, but in hindsight I wish we hadn't told everyone until we were further along.

[4abrightfuture3]

"For a baby that isnt yours" Nice What a wonderful thing to say. I am sorry your friend is so negative. I would be real careful what I shared with her. That is NOT the kind of support you need. I hope you have another friend you can share with. If not come here and vent away !! We are all in the same happy boat. Good luck with your adoption

[lockharts]

For me it's like giving birth to an ELEPHANT... their gestation is about 22 months.. We are over due!!! UGHHHHHH LOL Just kidding.......

[nattyloo]

Originally Posted by bizzee

"well, it's a big commitment for a child that isn't yours."

Ouch! That hurt! I am at the start of the process too and have had hears hurtful comments and innuendo already too. As other poster have remarked, keep that "friend" out of the loop as much as possible and bask in the joy of your soon to be home forever baby!

[Larue]

I say stick your tongue out at her

But seriously...I think that a lot of people make idiotic comments and don't realize they're making idiotic comments. Sometimes they just need a little "enlightenment"

But since your "friend" has a history of being negative, I'd suggest limiting your contact with her. Surround yourself with people who will celebrate the milestones with you and hold you up when you need support.

Best wishes for a smooth journey!

[saranbr]

Sounds like two issues to me. The "baby that isn't yours" is the more biting and probably needs addressing, especially if this person is a "friend" of the family...

The other, asking ALL the time and why there are such delays, I was so sick of that one. In fact, it may have been the look but someone at church asked me if I was getting tired of the question to which I answered YES! After about three months they, other than some close friends took to asking DH as he was kinder than I.

Best wishes....and I hope your wait isn't excessive.

[monalouise]

We too have someone like that in our lives. Unfortunately, she is also my MIL.

She is the type of person who is only nice when someone is in some sort of crisis. If you aren't doing well then she is in her glory. If you are doing well, she is a pro at getting in her digs. She is also skilled at saying things so they sound innocent, but then twenty minutes later you are still thinking about the comment and her forked tongue.

So I have learned to always tell her the worst case scenario. That way, hopefully, when we do have our baby girl home in six months, she will be shocked and better yet, SPEECHLESS!

Jennifer
Mommy to Nikolai
Waiting for baby girl born 12-25-05
May 4 DNA Charge
May 18 DNA results rec'd

[mommywannabee]

It sounds like you handled it well actually. I probably WOULD have pinched her!

Actually, there is a negative person in my family as well - she's actually been halfway decent with the adoption which is suprising, but I'm not complaining.

I also think you should surround yourself with positive people and try to avoid her if you can - at least until your little one is home...it kind of sounds rude, but if it keeps you from stressing over it, then why not?

OR, you could be blunt with her and ask her why she is so negative.

[Maggie Beth]

[quote=mommywannabee]It sounds like you handled it well actually. I probably WOULD have pinched her!
[quote]

And she would have deserved it!

[Twizzlelips]

I probably WOULD have pinched her

Yep me to plus a big ear chewing.

That girl lucked out, but I do think you need to express your dislike in her comments to her. JMHO the comments are uncalled for..

Surround yourself with postive people and push that person to the side..

Take Care and GL