[mjf75007]

I’ve barely posted on this group but I read it every day. I suppose I’m just venting so thanks for listening. I just have to add to the “Dumb things people say” topic that never goes away!



My son and I met my boyfriend’s brother and sister-in-law this weekend for the first time. I brought my son home at 7 months old and he’s been home for 2.5 months. Of course I got the why was he given up question, which doesn’t offend me personally though I always answer in a way that uses ‘placed for adoption’. Sometimes I educate but in this case I opted not to. But here was the rest of the conversation:



SIL: Do you know if it was a good delivery? Was he healthy?

Me: Well, there’s no telling about the delivery, but he was born in a hospital and was placed for adoption at 2 days old, at which time he went into his foster home.

SIL: It’s lucky he doesn’t have a cleft lip or anything like that.



It was so beyond idiotic and so over-the-top absurd that I can almost laugh about it. My impression of her overall was that she’s not exactly a genius. I came up with plenty of responses that I would never say in front of my son (even though he’s less than 10 months) but that I got quite a kick out of.



But a day afterwards I felt a little down. I guess this episode brought me back to reality and reminded me that people say dumb and hurtful things that I’ll have to handle and teach my son to handle. Before my son came home I read all about the issues and comments we’ll have to deal with. For the last 2.5 months, though, I have been so wrapped up in the joy and have been fortunate to not have received many stupid comments so I could ignore the issue.



Thanks for listening – I know just about everyone on this group can relate to absurd comments!



mjf

[whereintheworld]

Isn't it amazing what people will ask? We have only been home for 3 weeks, but I find it most amazing that people we barely know keep asking about the circumstances that brought about his mother's decision..... I need to start responding in a way that says "we may never know all of the factors that led to her personal decision, but we are thankful that he is a part of our family now."

[ManyTimesBlessed]

The comment made by your SIL reminds me of one made by my husband's friend. He said, "If there's something wrong with the baby can you give it back or get your money back?"

This is one of those people who just says everything that pops into his head, though. I don't think he meant to be unkind, but I hated the implication that we would even want to give the baby back if medical issues come up.

[Opus36]

Should have said, As lucky as you were. But I am always full of snarky comebacks to stupid questiions/comments

[buckeye1]

Knowing how to answer questions is so hard. My daughter has been home for 2.5 years and I still stumble over myself when I'm caught off guard. What I want to do is write out a bunch of possible Q&As, so that I can be better prepared and know how I want to answer in a way that's appropriate... especially since my daughter is old enough to understand now and my son will be soon.

Also, I want to add that there is a special book for kids called the "WISE UP" power book. I'm not sure if it's been discussed here or not, but WISE UP! works by teaching children about four options they have when
responding to questions about adoption. They include:
W Walk away or ignore what is said or heard
I It's private and I don't have to answer it
S Share something about my adoption story
E Educate others about adoption in general

It's available on Amazon.

Michelle

[jillbee]

I propose we develop a pocket Opus36 to help us respond to some of these odd questions/comments. I'd be the first to get one....anyone else?

[ManyTimesBlessed]

What's an Opus36? Sorry for my ignorance!

[jillbee]

Opus36 is the person that said he (maybe it's she?) always has snarky comebacks.