[lifessence]

A very good friend of mine asked me this question and I had no response. So I'm hoping to get some clarity here.

Why don't they do the DNA before our children are even allowed to be placed for adoption? Why put us through the process - allow some families to meet the children before DNA has been done and then to only find out sorry it is NOT a match?

To me this seems wrong on so many levels - not to mention the financial gain for others and the heartbreak for the families and the poor children whose lives have been so incredibly changed once again.

How is this system good for the children or the families when people get caught up in it for smudges on paperwork, misspellings that they did not cause, numerous other crazy reasons and can sit in PGN for months on end with no answers? How is this system good for the children waiting to come home? Attaching to foster mother's for so long.

Because we were originally adopting from an Eastern Europe country I can say this - that system has it faults as well - however, you don't sit in the system at any point longer than 3 months or your paperwork gets rejected if you have not had a referral, accepted it and are planning your trip to bring your children home.

Is this why they are pushing ahead with the Hague - to put a system in place? Why would Guatemala be against that? More children could find homes in less time, with less cost for all involved on their side, making them more money and alleviating some of their work load.

I'm already frustrated with this process and we are just getting DNA done now. I can only imagine who we will feel months from now if we are NOT out of PGN. This just doesn't make sense that everyone sufferend through the whole Hague situation years ago and nothing good came out of it but a huge stop of adoptions during that time frame.

Sorry I'm truly trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel after reading post after post of people still in the system, paperwork expiring along the way, etc - none of it makes sense or feels like it is in the best interest of anyone involved.

God please give me strength on days like this - I know you have it all worked out - I'm sorry for even doubting your hand in our lives - help me find peace today - I say all of this in your precious son's name! Amen!

[katsco]

It might possibly be because of the cost. The adopting parents are the one who pay for the DNA test. They can't do it before, because they don't have anyone to pay for it.

[lifessence]

i just have to ask where did you get the cute smiley face with the guatemalan flag??? too cute!

[Maggie Beth]

They don't do it before hand because DNA is a requirement of the US Embassy only. So if the child ends up being referred to a family, say, from England, there will be no DNA test done. It is a US requirement and the US family pays for it.

[Pipercub]

I am so with you! I am probably one of the few who thinks having Guatemala implement the Hague requirements could be, in the long run, a positive thing. Of course there would be a period of time where things would be not moving forward (which would be SO sad for the families who want children and for the children who need families). There would be all sorts of hurdles to overcome (not the least of which is the poverty of the country and the funds that would be necessary to impliment all the changes, set up long-term infrastructure, etc.) Of course none of us wants to be stuck in the middle of new policy changes. No child would want to be either. Just like everyone else, I certainly hope we can bring our daughter home without incident before any possible complications from the U.S. ratifying the Hague might kick in. I realize this is such a senstive topic! But in seeing what a good job the CCAA (Chinese Center of Adoption Affairs) has done in standardizing their adoptions and making them very fair and (relatively) predictable, I think there could be some wisdom in at least considering what the Guatemalan adoption process could be. Goodness knows it's a less-than perfect system right now.

Just my 2 cents.

[becky]

While all of the regulations of the Hague seem great 'in theory'. The fact is that almost every central or south American country that has implemented Hague regulations has ended adoptions (or they have slowed to something like 10-20 per year).

These countries do not have the money nor the infrastructure to set up the necessary framework for adoptions done the Hague way.

Guatemala has no social welfare programs at all and the children who are now being adopted, could end up who knows where. The children living in orphanages who are being supported by adoption fees...who knows what will become of them.

I see this as a very sad situation all the way around.

As for the original post...while Guatemala may not be the best system around it is definitely one of the best...assuming you align yourself with good, knowledgable, and ethical service providers. I know of no other country that provides foster care and brings home children as young and healthy as Guatemala.

[xmasgirl2000]

Count me in too. I'm waiting on the same time line with you. And like you trying to be patient. Everyone said this would be the hard part. I just didn't realize how hard it would be.

The end of last week and this week I have been very anxious as well to hear anything. And still no word. The agency hasn't even asked for the DNA test monies yet.

We are going for a second visit in June.

[katsco]

lifessences, I sent you a pm about the smiley.

[Clare'sMom]

The cost is the main reason. The US is the only ones who require the DNA so we are the ones who pay for it. I will happily pay this fee to dispel any myth or insinuation that my child was removed from a biological family against their will.
Also allot of agency's don't allow or ask you not to visit that early in the game for this reason.... It's easy for most parents to fall love with a child just by knowing they exist, hearing about them seeing their photo, watching their video and knowing they are yours. It is heart wrenching to loose the child you have held in your heart.......
But and it's unspeakable to fall in love with a child you have held in your arms and then lose them.....
May your sons journey home be swift! Godspeed. Ann

[lifessence]

Hi Everyone!

I do understand now that the US is the only one that requires the DNA and I'm glad they have it done for all the reasons listed.

I just wish I was told the process when we began so we would not have met them before DNA and Family Court.

It is all in God's hands and we do pray that if it is His will that He will see us through this process at the end with both of our sons.

I just don't understand why they bothered with all the stops before and still didn't make any changes to make this system less stressful for all involved. Reality check - this is where we are and for now I am praying for understanding, patience, strength and guidance each day as we walk this journey to bring home our sons.

Although I may not understand the system, I am thankful there is such a system to allow these children to be adopted by families like us waiting to love them.

I pray for all the families new and old to this process that you have strength as the days pass until you bring your forever children home.

Trust me when I say this to all the families who have not visited their children yet - there is NOTHING like holding them, smelling them, kissing them and then having to say good bye to make you want to hear the process is moving along - not being held up by a lot of unneccessary paperwork!

A picture is worth a thousand words is true - but the moment your eyes meet theirs for the first time is absolutely priceless and leaves you speechless.

God bless!

[kcbailey777]

The Guatemala adoption program is the best. Yes it can be hard on the parents but what about the children. Would you rather children be put in orphanages for a minimum of 6 months before the process even begins? Yes the parents don't have to wait as long in some cases but the children do.

When the DNA does not match it is the fault of the people who lied not the system. Yes it can be very sad for everyone involved and my heart goes out to them.

If there is another country where the child comes home within 5 1/2 months like mine did please let me know. Also if you find a country that has adopted the Hague and the children benifited in any way please share. Please research the Hague because I think you will come to find out what a nightmare it truely is. Unless of course you believe UNICEF's lies.

Lisa

[lifessence]

Hi everyone who is reading this thread - my concerns are come from a long week, a longer day and friends who ask questions that I truly don't have the answers to and often wonder myself.

There are enough reasons that we all know and see every day on this forum for change to this system. I'm no authority on the Hague situation or did I ever suggest that it should be the case - but there has to be something implemented to help move things along consistently - a solid system.

I know I'm not the only person who feels this way.

I also know that we are all forever grateful for the foster mothers and families that love our children like their own until we bring them home.

I would NEVER suggest an orphanage system to replace the fostering system.

There are just so many unknowns, long waits without explanations and so many sad stories from people we met on our first trip to the many I read here day after day! As a person new in the process it is not reassuring to say the least to read what is going on when we had no idea of any of this before changing countries or told this situation by our agency.

My heart was heavy today and I guess I didn't even expect real answers because I know nothing is going to change over night - I just was venting to a place I felt safe sharing where my heart was - overwhelmed.

Now I go to bed knowing my process is moving along and DNA should happen this week for both of our boys.

A sigh of relief will come when we hear its a match for both of them - until then I fall at the feet of God and keep asking for Him to hold me up when I have lost my own strength.

I praise God for all He does for each of us, the protection He gives our children and the families that are taking care of them and each person who touches our process along the way.

Sweet dreams and may you have the answer you are praying for tomorrow.

[MLRJ]

Hey I understand those concerns- I wondered the same thing as we lost a referral and almost lost a second- it was brutal! I do love the fostering situation in Guatemala but remember there are plenty of kids in hogars too- and most of the orphanages in Vietnam are smaller than the two I visited in Guatemala- I always wonder if your child is referred from a hogar why the fees are about the same???? That does not make sense to me but maybe I am missing something.

MLRJ

[coachmom]

will b e praying that God will give you peace as you go through this process!
Doretta

[luv2teach2]

I'm going on 8 months and my DD is still not home. You are one of the lucky few who got their child at a young age. Seems as if the wait is getting longer and longer for people on this board!