[ez4me2remember]

Was just thinking that the adoption process, even in the early stages is (to me) worse than going through labor without any pain meds (and I did that twice). I have to say, after starting this process, I have to say my eyes have been opened. I have to be honest and admit that I thought adoption was an easier way (no, that has nothing to do with my reasons for adopting).

[DPline]

I have done both and I agree that adoption is MUCH harder - emotionally and physically. And this is coming from someone who was in labor for 46 hours. Both well worth it, but totally exhausting.

[SisterBear]

I agree! I had a fast labor (6 hours) BUT this is a billion times harder and emotionally more gut-wrenching.

Lana

[P.E.Z.]

I totally agree!!!!!!!!
After 10 months I need D-R-U-G-S !!!!
This is so much more painful .
This is "real" labor

[TerriBB]

I did 24 hours of labor, then a c-section. THIS is much harder. I always knew where he was when I was pregnant.

Last night, I was rubbing my forehead & our 3 year old asked why I was doing that. I just said "I'm wondering what our baby is doing." He sweetly responded "she's sleeping"... he then asked if she knew us ...that got me thinking even more.

[wannabamom]

Hi ez4me2remember,

I think you're right for most part, although I haven't been able to give birth so far, I too thought that adoption was easier, but after having 4 M/Cs, I feel that in some ways, it's similar, not knowing what is going to happen, i.e (my fears of my Pg being M/C is similar to the birthmother taking the baby, etc......), and so, now I feel a lot of different emotions about each process!!!!
Praying that we all get our babies home soon,

[jennifervan]

I feel like I have been pregnant for a year.

I want to write the following but please know that I know that there are those who have struggled with TTC and who have not been able to carry a baby. If you are reading this and you are someone who has experiences this loss, I am sorry. I cannot fathom the amount of pain you have had to experience. I have been blessed with the ability to compare both experiences. My heart hurts for those who have not had the opportunity to chose. We lost our chance to have more biological children after Tobie. So that being said:

For me, carrying and delivering a child was definately easier. My baby boys were with me from the moment they were concieved. I got to hold them right away. Even Tobie who lived 5 days was "mine" right away and I did not have to prove myself to anyone or wait for anyone to say we were an "o.k." family to adopt. I did not have to wait for a PGN investigation to clear them to come home. I did not have to cry over them (well except Tobie). I did not have to miss their first words and steps (except Tobie).

I would say that this adoption, other than losing Tobie, has been the hardest thing I have ever experienced. I would trade 10 hours of intense labor and all the back pain in the world for just 10 minutes with Gabby this month.
Jennifer

[TyAva]

I was just thinking about this today. I hate it when people say that we are "taking the easy way out" by adopting. If only they knew!!!!! I had 36 hours of labor and 2 epidurals that didn't work...that already seems easier than this waiting!!!!!

[kimy]

Yes, I'd say that this was much harder emotionally than I thought it would be.

The 6 1/2 months in PGN really did it for me.. I think my hair is totally gray now..
My bio son kept me up every 2 hours for 6 months straight.
I'm not sure that I want to say that this was easier than adoption but it was pretty close.
At least I don't feel evil this time around,
Kim

[zanjen05]

Lol! I am in total agreement!

[krambk]

I totally agree, I have pictures of our sweet little Ricardo aka Ricky all over the house, he is my background on my computer screen, posted all over my refrigerator, in my purse, in the nursery plus both of my daughters have a set of pictures they carry in their bookbags (they are just as proud of him as I am)

Dh says yup looks like a baby ( oh that makes me sooooo mad, but he doesnt get real emotional like I do) He will be great once Ricky comes home and he can bond with him.

The waiting and wondering, what he is doing, if he is sleeping good, If he is getting loved at the orphanage like I would (already) do.

The missing of the first grins, and laughs, the rolling over the cueing I could go on and on, and he is only 11 days old. So Im really not missing too much YET!!! but I will just like all of us.

Okay Im done whinning about it We all knew it was going to be a wait, its just hard to deal with now that we are waiting. and Its out of our control. Man I hate not being in controll

Brandee

[DPline]

Originally Posted by Terri B

He sweetly responded "she's sleeping"

I just love this Terri! Ahhh . . . to be three again, and life be so simple.
He sounds like quite a cutie!

[amouton]

You got that right! I thought the same thing going through it and our case was relatively short compared to some. But after going through a first horribly long labor and a second just plain horrible labor I was very certain no pain could be any worse. Wrong!!! The first time I had to give my son back to his foster mother, it felt like I was going through labor in my heart. I felt as if someone had died. I just stood there with my husband holding me up, while feeling like I was going to hyperventalate. It just kills me when someone says, "You had it so much easier this time, at least you didn't have to go through labor". I don't think anything compares to that kind of pain and somehow, as painful as it was to give him back the joy of visiting was so great that we couldn't stay away. The thought of seeing him again was the only thing that got me through our process, eventhough I knew that the pain of giving him back would eventually have to return. And I swear I went through three sets of the baby blues after each of our visits with him, which I hadn't experienced after my births. So I definately agree with you. At the same time it is alot like labor in the fact that you forget about the pain when your child finally comes home and some want to do it all over again.

[Happy123]

Financially, having bio children was also cheaper (at least the insurance paid for it).

My SW told me to think like the waiting time is like the pregnancy (I told her, but I am not an elephant and the gestation time would make me one--we both shared a laugh).
Happy123

[Gabri]

Thank you for this thread! But I'm afraid you've just given me an opportunity to vent..

I've been stewing all week after a friend, my best friend in fact, said something like--

I was thinking about how cool it is for you. You don't have to go through birth. You don't have any of the hormone issues. When your baby comes home you get to bond right away. You don't have pregnancy weight to lose. Your baby is older and you don't have any of those sleepless night. You don't have the pressure of breast feeding...

She went on and on, and I was too stunned to say anything. (Of course I've thought of 100 responses since.) Her second child was born this last winter and her first is still a toddler, so I'm sure she's feeling the exhaustion and all that goes with that and just didn't know what she was saying. Still, it left me in tears by the time I got home.

Though I know there are much more difficult stories out there our first was a Hague baby. We're almost ready for a referral for number 2, and I'm already obsessed with reading the news, following all the outs, looking for information on the US Hague, freaking out over who will be taking care of the soon-to-be-ours child and for how long. Adoption is and was our first choice. We wanted to be parents however and thought the biological route would be easier (and financially more doable). That resulted in two painful losses--the second late enough that I did go through birth, so I was especially sensative to the comments she made about me not having to experience birth. I'm used to hearing that comment said jokingly by people who don't know me but not from best friends. I thought but didn't say, "No, I haven't experienced birth with a living child." I guess I'm still angry over this one!

In the end, the adoption experience, as difficult as it was and is already proving to be again, resulted in our amazing son. I wouldn't trade even the most difficult day for a smoother adoption process or birth if it resulted in a different child. He came home at 11 months, and he's 3 now.... and I'm still in awe of him, how he came to be with us, and the person he is. Sometimes I wonder if this journey just makes us more aware, more appreciative, more amazed, and more joyful at their presence in our lives.

If I get the chance and the courage, I guess that is what I would want to say back to her.

Thanks for letting me get that one out. :-)