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  #1  
Old 05-06-2006, 04:51 PM
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jennshelley jennshelley is offline
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Question How often do birth mothers change their minds?

I apologize if someone has asked this before.

We accepted our referral almost 2 weeks ago and we, of course, are ecstatic. I am so nervous, though, I can barely stand it; I'm worried about a million different things. One of my big concerns is this: How often, in general, do birth mothers change their minds? Once the DNA test is done, is it pretty safe to say that the birth mother won't change her mind?
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  #2  
Old 05-06-2006, 05:01 PM
dlwcfp1 dlwcfp1 is offline
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I asked my agency case worker the same question. She said of the 100 adoptions they did lasy year in Guatemala, 5 of them changed their minds and all 5 did so at the DNA testing. To me this makes sense that if they did change their mind it would be at this step because they see each other when the DNA is taken and a picture is taken.

It is my understanding that the birth mother signs off to relinquish her rights 4 times in the process. First when she leaves the baby, second when the DNA test is done, third when the social workers interview is done and finally when the case is out of PGN. Hope this helps.
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  #3  
Old 05-06-2006, 05:07 PM
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also what I heard

I asked this question also and that's almost exactly what our agency told me. That's why some of the agencies won't let you visit before the DNA is done. Our agency told us that we will get a picture of the bmom holding the baby at the DNA appointment and I think that it is almost cruel. Who isn't going to want to keep their little baby? It's probably like torture for those moms.
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  #4  
Old 05-06-2006, 05:37 PM
doghouse doghouse is offline
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We lost our referral because the mother had changed her mind and refused to do the DNA test. The truth about adoption is the baby is not ours until the process is 100% complete. It is wise to not get too attached because of there is a significant chance of losing the referral.
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  #5  
Old 05-06-2006, 05:51 PM
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Doghouse - I agree.

I'm almost counting on the mother changing her mind; I can't get my hopes up too high until he is in my arms. (I'm one of those people that if something wrong will happen, it'll happen to me!)
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  #6  
Old 05-06-2006, 06:47 PM
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with our first referral the ** changed her mind after we exited PGN and the new bc and passport were in our names. She took her from the foster home, and never returned,...............we were devastated. It's unusual, but it does happen, to us unfortunately!
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  #7  
Old 05-06-2006, 06:53 PM
tooskis tooskis is offline
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I do not consider there to be a signficant chance of the birthmother changing her mind; however, there is a small chance none the less. Your agency indicates it has happened to 5% of their cases. Can you be one of the 5%? Yes, but you also can be in their 95%. It's a chance you take and a leap of faith. Hang in there!
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Old 05-06-2006, 06:55 PM
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this is a super rare situation.
this happened to '2nd time around' (i saw she posted)
and i recall another case where there was a dna situation.
BUT
these are rare.

we too had a Rare situation happen to us in which our little referral passed away.
in both my agency and my hs agency we were one of two people in the history of each agency in which a child was lost to death.


i say this not to scare you,
but to say, these are such rare cases that i remember who had what sad event happen to them! its that rare.

BUT,
i would also encourage you to attach with as loose of arms as possible for as long as you can.

its not 'good to go' until it's ALL good to go and youre on your way home!

while this is not a 'happy go lucky' post,
it is reality.

focus on the positive,
plan for your little one,
but keep as close a gaurd on your heart as you can.


most likely all will be fine.

Im now home with my little daughter,
dpline is home with her two kids,
2ndtimearound is enjoying her little girl...
the list goes on even in the wake of seemingly unending pain...
it ends with a happy heart!

in the words of another,
"keep the faith"



cris...feeling a bit too realistic tonight....sorry....
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  #9  
Old 05-06-2006, 08:09 PM
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jennshelley jennshelley is offline
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Smile

Thank you so much for the responses. I appreciate everyone's input.

Now if I can try to not get too attached...
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