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Old 05-06-2006, 04:51 PM
jennshelley's Avatar
jennshelley jennshelley is offline
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Question How often do birth mothers change their minds?

I apologize if someone has asked this before.

We accepted our referral almost 2 weeks ago and we, of course, are ecstatic. I am so nervous, though, I can barely stand it; I'm worried about a million different things. One of my big concerns is this: How often, in general, do birth mothers change their minds? Once the DNA test is done, is it pretty safe to say that the birth mother won't change her mind?
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Old 05-06-2006, 05:01 PM
dlwcfp1 dlwcfp1 is offline
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I asked my agency case worker the same question. She said of the 100 adoptions they did lasy year in Guatemala, 5 of them changed their minds and all 5 did so at the DNA testing. To me this makes sense that if they did change their mind it would be at this step because they see each other when the DNA is taken and a picture is taken.

It is my understanding that the birth mother signs off to relinquish her rights 4 times in the process. First when she leaves the baby, second when the DNA test is done, third when the social workers interview is done and finally when the case is out of PGN. Hope this helps.
8/30/5 started homestudy
10/18/5 submitted I-600A
11/18/5 homestudy complete
12/22/5 fingerprinting
2/16/6 I-71H
2/17/6 referral (son born 1/27/6)
POA and dossier in Guatemala
3/16/6 DNA approval
3/28/6 DNA samples received at Labcorp
4/7/6 DNA Match
(SW interview and out of FC done by 4/7/6)
5/3/6 PA
5/12/6 PGN
7/3/6 BC
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Old 05-06-2006, 05:07 PM
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Mandy4President Mandy4President is offline
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also what I heard

I asked this question also and that's almost exactly what our agency told me. That's why some of the agencies won't let you visit before the DNA is done. Our agency told us that we will get a picture of the bmom holding the baby at the DNA appointment and I think that it is almost cruel. Who isn't going to want to keep their little baby? It's probably like torture for those moms.

Formerly known as ph0enix_29
To see my timeline, visit my website at
Mommy to 3 homegrown (B- 7, B- 5, G- 3) one Guatemalan princess
5/25 Accepted Referral of beautiful baby girl (bd 1/19/06)
12/5/2006 Welcome home Addisyn Lucia May!!!
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Old 05-06-2006, 05:37 PM
doghouse doghouse is offline
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We lost our referral because the mother had changed her mind and refused to do the DNA test. The truth about adoption is the baby is not ours until the process is 100% complete. It is wise to not get too attached because of there is a significant chance of losing the referral.
Biomom of 3. Adopted mom of 1.
Adoption has been the best birthing experience I have ever had.
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Old 05-06-2006, 05:51 PM
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starryeyes starryeyes is offline
Big, crazy, happy family
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Doghouse - I agree.

I'm almost counting on the mother changing her mind; I can't get my hopes up too high until he is in my arms. (I'm one of those people that if something wrong will happen, it'll happen to me!)

2/24/2006 Referral of a beautiful boy
10/4/2006 Into PGN
12/11/2006 Out of PGN
1/11/2007 PINK
1/15/2007 leave for pick up trip
1/17/2007 Embassy appointment
1/19/2007 HOME FOREVER!!!

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
...this is the sun's birthday...)..

--E.E. Cummings
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Old 05-06-2006, 06:47 PM
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2nd time round 2nd time round is offline
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with our first referral the ** changed her mind after we exited PGN and the new bc and passport were in our names. She took her from the foster home, and never returned,...............we were devastated. It's unusual, but it does happen, to us unfortunately!
Baby from guat
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Old 05-06-2006, 06:53 PM
tooskis tooskis is offline
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I do not consider there to be a signficant chance of the birthmother changing her mind; however, there is a small chance none the less. Your agency indicates it has happened to 5% of their cases. Can you be one of the 5%? Yes, but you also can be in their 95%. It's a chance you take and a leap of faith. Hang in there!
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Old 05-06-2006, 06:55 PM
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cr653 cr653 is offline
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this is a super rare situation.
this happened to '2nd time around' (i saw she posted)
and i recall another case where there was a dna situation.
these are rare.

we too had a Rare situation happen to us in which our little referral passed away.
in both my agency and my hs agency we were one of two people in the history of each agency in which a child was lost to death.

i say this not to scare you,
but to say, these are such rare cases that i remember who had what sad event happen to them! its that rare.

i would also encourage you to attach with as loose of arms as possible for as long as you can.

its not 'good to go' until it's ALL good to go and youre on your way home!

while this is not a 'happy go lucky' post,
it is reality.

focus on the positive,
plan for your little one,
but keep as close a gaurd on your heart as you can.

most likely all will be fine.

Im now home with my little daughter,
dpline is home with her two kids,
2ndtimearound is enjoying her little girl...
the list goes on even in the wake of seemingly unending pain...
it ends with a happy heart!

in the words of another,
"keep the faith"

cris...feeling a bit too realistic tonight....sorry....
3/18/05 Referral! of TR2
7/19 PINK!...7/27/05 HOME!

10/04-2/05 referral and passing of
Little Dairin, "heaven's cutest angel" almost 2.
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Old 05-06-2006, 08:09 PM
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jennshelley jennshelley is offline
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Posts: 154
Total Points: 7,459.60

Thank you so much for the responses. I appreciate everyone's input.

Now if I can try to not get too attached...
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