[widgit]

So, we all get them (or will get them)--inappropriate questions or comments about our children and how we came to be a family. What I've found most helpful is to have a planned response to the most common comments.

I'd love to hear your list of responses, especially the ones that are designed to be overheard by children. Please add to my "bag of responses".

Here are a few of mine:
1) Comment: Oh, they are so cute I think I'll just take one of them home with me.
Response: You'd have to fight me to the death to take one (with a don't mess with my kid smirk).

2) Comment: Is he/she your child? She/he doesn't look like you.
Response: No, but boy does he/she act like me!

3) Comment: How much did they cost?
Response: My children or the lawyers? Babies are always free. The lawyers are not. We don't consider our children to be "bought" anymore than anyone else would.

4) Comment: Will they speak Spanish when they start talking?
Response: Only if their daddy and I suddenly become bi-lingual.

5) Comment: Did you HAVE to go to Guatemala?
Response: We had the PRIVILEGE of going to Guatemala and seeing our children's birthcountry. It's gorgeous. You should go someday.

[Clayton0122]

I love them. I am going to take them down and use them soon.

[ManyTimesBlessed]

Here's another.

Comment: You know what will happen, don't you? Now that you've adopted, you'll get pregnant!
Response: I hope not! I already have the child(ren) I wanted.

[amymole36]

I keep getting...do you HAVE to go get her? My response is no...we get to and can't wait!!!

I like the Guatemala is a beautiful place, you should go sometime. I'll have to remember that one!

Amy

[rlf0504]

It's always great to be prepared. These are some great responses.

My standard is always, "Why would you ask that?" or "Why do you ask?" I'm proud to talk about adoption if there is a genuine interest, but sometimes, you just have to say...

To an older man who asked me "how much did she cost?" I asked, "How much did you make last year?" He thought that was inappropriate of me to ask, I said, "Right back at 'cha."

To the older lady who actually hissed at us in the grocery store last week, I smiled and said, "Yes, they are gorgeous aren't they?"

To the lady at the sherriff's department who asked why we weren't adopting children in the U.S., I told her since she appeared so interested, I would be happy to refer her to our agency for her to look into choosing that for herself.

And to the little old man at the mall who asked if I was her Grandma, I said, "No, I'm her Mami." To which he responded "you have some beautiful genes." Had I been terse, I would have missed out on that one. Sometimes it pays not to be prepared.

Keep them coming everybody, we could start a book.

Take care,
Rhonda

[saranbr]

This is too funny!

Guess I'm not the only one who hears the Spanish one. My favorite was shortly after we got home (she was 7mos) and someone asked me if she was speaking English yet. I told her about the same amount that most 7 month olds speak!

And the "now you're going to get pregnant" response-- "like I was trying before-- birth control is generally effective these days" is my usual response.

[P.E.Z.]

This is a GREAT thread!

What about her real Mom ?

My response......What about me?
With a "what an idiot " look.

[monalouise]

We adopted our son from Russia and are waiting to bring home baby girl born on Christmas day. The comment that we have been getting lately is, "what will you do when someone asks about her heritage?"

Our reply, "We will deal with the ignorant questions as they come."

[pmgor]

Originally Posted by widgit

4) Comment: Will they speak Spanish when they start talking?
Response: Only if their daddy and I suddenly become bi-lingual.

If I'm annoyed I answer that we changed the "chip in his brain" from Spanish to English

5) Comment: Did you HAVE to go to Guatemala?
Response: We had the PRIVILEGE of going to Guatemala and seeing our children's birthcountry. It's gorgeous. You should go someday.

"Oh Yes, it was AMAZING, we loved going to Guatemala, it's so close and such an easy flight. We can't wait to go again!"

[lisam00]

Love all these responses! I try to keep in mind that people don't mean to be mean. It's easy now because Ava is young and doesn't understand the questions. I hope the questions stop before she's old enough to figure out how dumb people are!

Last week while grocery shopping, some woman said "is her father a mexican or something?" in a hushed voice. I thought for a second then answered back in a hushed voice "I don't know who her father is". Of course, I will never say such things when Ava is older but on that day, well...I was devilish!

God bless,
Lisa

[itsinhishands]

Gosh this is a great thread. My close friends to have to remind me occasionally that all of our coworkers mean well, but it gets very tiresome.

I actually had a lady tell me "While your down there, you ought to just get another one, and sneak it on the plane for me!" (as IF these were grapefruits we are talking about!)

[widgit]

Originally Posted by itsinhishands

I actually had a lady tell me "While your down there, you ought to just get another one, and sneak it on the plane for me!" (as IF these were grapefruits we are talking about!)

I get this one or something like it too. My response is:
The process is a bit more complicated that choosing a souvinear.

[guatgal]

Lisa, I too had a similar response to "they must look just like their father". About one month after my boys came home and I was "raw" to comments and feeling as you said a bit "devilish", I got that response posed to me in a grocery store by an elderly lady that came across as pretty snotty. When she said that I shrugged and said, "probably, I really don't remember. I had a lot to drink that night." I know not the best thing to say, but the look on her face pretty much made it clear that I made my point!

[monalouise]

Cheri,

That is the best response that I have heard yet! And if you don't mind, I plan to use it.

When we first brought my son home, I was not prepared for the comments. Yes, some people are just curious and do not mean anything by it. But, there are those who do and for me, it helps to be prepared!

Jennifer

[Lilys Dad]

Q: What are they?
A: Why children of course!

Q: Are they yours? (In Wal-Mart)
A: No we just found them in here in the basket.

The best was when someone came over while the boys were still not talking and started speaking spanish to them... they looked at the guy, looked and us, and started screaming and trying to get away from him.