[csw]

I don't know who you are using..but that sounds like something our old agency would do..I was in Antigua, had the protocolo, and they refused to give me my daughter..I had the lawyers permission to be there..and the agency told the lawyer not to let me have my daughter..or they would not give him his final payment..

It took me being there 5 or 6 days, and threatening to call the US Embassy, the police etc..for them to finally agree to let me have my daughter, who was legally mine..they had never planned on helping me finish the adoption anyways, and luckily I had help with all of that from a dear friend living in Antigua, and managed to get her home with no help at all from our lovely agency..

[shellysarita]

New reponse from my agency is that they do not honor fostering and will not disrespect the request of their attorneys.

Apparently they do not honor their clients either and will disrespect their requests........

[Kimberj71]

When we were picking up our daughter in Guatemala and visiting our son, we asked our attorney why she didn't allow fostering by adoptive parents.

She told us much of what Becky said. That the process is goes more smoothly and efficiently when the fostermothers take the babies/children to the appointments. She also told us that she was concerned about potential adoptive parents being approached by police and the baby/child being taken out of custody of the fostering adoptive parent even for a little while. Finally, she said she felt it would be even more excruciatingly difficult for fostering adoptive parents should the birthfamily change their minds during the process.

This being said, I know that she has allowed adoptive parents to come to Guatemala early (before pink) and bring their babies/children to embassy dr appointments, passport stuff, etc...

But I thought her reasoning was very valid for everyone involved in the adoption triad.

Kim

[shellysarita]

Kim - I understand the reasons for being wary of fostering before the Protocolo is signed, but I would be arriving there to technically take custody of my daughter who is already legally mine (not really fostering) after the BC is issued. She would only need to be at one appt. after this point and I can't imagine that it would be any more risky to take her to this medical appt. than to take her to her visa appt. at the Embassy. What really gets me is our agency's lack of willingness to cooperate on anything.

Love, Shelly

[brink]

I'm coming at this from a different perspective, that of someone with an excellent agency with an excellent reputation over decades with Guatemala adoptions. I'd never heard of fostering before finding these forums. Sometimes in some posts it seems to me there is an attitude of "entitlement", "ownership", etc. My take has always been more that our children "belong" to Guatemala as well as the birth family. When I am told I can travel and finally become this child's legal guardian for the rest of my life, I am ready in a minute. But until then, I feel I am justifiably at the mercy of those I have asked (and yes, paid) to help me complete a legal, ethical adoption that I would have absolutely no way of accomplishing on my own. Granted, as I said, we have completed four adoptions through this great agency and are working toward a fifth. After decades of completed adoptions in Guatemala, they are the experts, not me just because I have done this a few times.

Another thought I have about fostering is that it I feel it virtually says "I don't trust you to do your job. I need to take over for you now. Thanks for what you've done, but now I can do it better. This is MY child and I know best." When in reality, the person who knows our child the best is the foster family who knows our child's habits, likes and dislikes, etc. It will be even a few months before anyone knows their child as intimately as the foster family knew them.

I will always feel that besides belonging to their birth families, these children also belong to Guatemala. Even after they come home and become US citizens and our children, they were first citizens of Guatemala, the country that allowed me to bring them out of their homeland. Yes, I started loving them the moment I knew of them, as soon as we started the process. I will love them fiercely until the day I die. Yes, the wait is excruciating and frustrating. But until I am told we may travel for our child, I believe we have no choice but to wait until those in charge of transfering the legal authority for this child to my DH and I choose to allow us physical custody. We asked our agency to complete an adoption for us, we signed POA so others in Guatemala could act on our behalf. I strongly believe it is an issue of trust, patience, and respect for those who have done the "leg work" to make this a reality.

Also consider if this situation were reversed. American familes fostering US children who were headed to Guatemala and new families there. Would it really be a good idea for Guatemalans to come and "take over" the fostering...even if they were bilingual? Different cultures. Different travel issues. Different customs, different medical proceedings and practices, different forms and ways of doing just about everything. Even world travelers are still foreigners in the countries they visit. Who would know best how to accomplish things "American"? Just my opinion about these issues, and I'm sure some will disagree. I am just always very sensitive to those we have asked to help us do this amazing thing we could never do for ourselves, not being lawyers, not being bilingual, not being Guatemalan citizens.

[Mommy2twins]

Well, Shelly, I agree, I think its crazy. I won't even try to split hairs on this. The best thing for the child is to be with her mommy. Spending time with her mommy in Guatemala is all the better because you'll get some quality alone/bonding time with her before getting on a plane and coming home to other children/family and friends. If you can afford it and handle the logistics, then it should not be an issue... and I am very sorry to hear that it is. You are not an idiot and with some assistance, there is no reason that your being there should interfer with anything during these final steps. The reason you got was rediculous. Are we really putting the attorneys feelings in front the the childrens well-being now? Hummm....

[jnancynancy]

Tell them you are going for an extended visit then....


What is the difference. My agency was excited for me to go and just wanted to make sure I was safe. That is all.

[seania]

Well, we actually just went down for a visit, but didn't come back until we were able to bring our baby with us. We spent a month there, but....it was worth it. We didn't have any problems getting through those appointments, even without a translator.

When we contacted the agency (from Guatemala) about foster in Guatemala they were very confused and told us no. But after explaining that we just wanted to stay down there, they had no problem with it - not that we gave them an option! After all once you are out of PGN that child is your child. If you go down there they shouldn't be able to keep you from your child. Even if it does make life a little more difficult for them, they should be understanding enough to realize that the whole process has been difficult for you.

Maybe you should try just going down to visit, and ask forgiveness later?! Or maybe you should make sure that you are on the same page as them. Explain that you just want to go down and be with your child until you can come home?!

I'm not trying to be difficult to the adoption agencies, but there should be some understanding from the adoption agencies for the parents need to be with our children!

[Paparama]

This post is in response to brink.

Indeed, I too frequently notice a misplaced sense of entitlement in many comments about the adoption process. But your post seems misplaced in this thread. shellysarita is now the legal parent of her child. Her adoption is complete. Her feelings of entitlement to be with her child are exceedingly well-placed.

I am an adoption professional - I am general counsel of a Dallas, Texas-based agency that does Guatemalan adoptions (my wife is executive director of the agency). I understand the position taken by some in Guatemala that "early" travel by adoptive parents can make their jobs more difficult. But I simply cannot fathom anyone telling a parent (not a prospective parent, a parent) that she is not permitted to take possession of her child. This is not a cultural issue or a respect-for-Guatemala issue.

To be sure, I have no problem with an agency/attorney contracting for the right to stop providing services once an a-parent takes possession of her child. Not how I would do business, but I have no problem with it. On the other hand, I have a hard time seeing how an agency/attorney can refuse to allow a parent to take possession of her child.

For shellysarita, the choice seems clear to me. She can press the issue and take possession of her child, knowing that she could end up having to navigate the immigration process on her own and that she could be in Guatemala for a long time. Or she can wait to travel until she is "allowed" to. Both choices seem rational to me, and I wouldn't fault her either way.

Misplaced sense of entitlement? Elsewhere, sure, and far too much of it. Here, I don't think so.

[shellysarita]

Paparama - thank you for your response. I went to bed last night wondering if I really thought I "owned" my child. Did I buy her? No, our adoption is ethical. I have no doubts. All parents should feel a fierce sense of belonging with their child - this does not mean they view them as possessions.


Brink - I understand that the foster mom knows my child better than I do which is precisely why I want to be with her now and start transferring attachment. It's not that I think I will do a better job than the foster mom. Isabel has an amazing foster mom and I am exceedingly pleased with the loving care she has given Isabel. I do, however, want Isabel to be comfortable with me before we have to hang around at the Embassy for 3-4 hours, before we have to spend 10-12 hours travelling home, before she goes to her first Dr.'s appt. and has to have labwork done, etc. I know from my last visit how much longer i took for her to feel comfortable and I expect that it will be more difficult as she is older now. I also felt it would be easier for me to focus on getting to know her and her cues in Guatemala without all the distractions of home (5 other children with busy schedules). I also would love to spend the extra time in Guatemala.....I fell in love with Guatemala and her people on my visit trips.

Blesings!
Shelly

[csw]

Well said Shelly and Papa..

We had no choice but to foster our son in Peru for SIX months..we were never told this ahead of time..we were told 2-3 weeks for the paperwork. We had legal court papers stating we had temporary custody until the final papers were done etc..

With our daughter..the foster mother doesn't always know best..ours was very young and inexperienced with no children of her own. She took our daughter off formula at 4 months old. She never treated her yeasty diaper rash for 1 month and when I went down it was so bad it was to the point of her skin peeling off her bottom and bright red blood oozing from it..she had constant respiratory infections, horrendous diarrhea etc..
She went 2 months and only gained 1/2 lb..she went from 90% for weight down to 25%tile..this is NOT the norm..however in our case..I felt our daughters health was in jeopardy and I absolutely had no choice but to go and foster her..she immediately starting gaining 1 lb per WEEK with me..I had her rash cured in 3 days between nystatin, zinc oxide and good ol exposing her butt to the sunshine..
I feel the earlier the parents can bond the better..esp like Shelly said with 5 other kids at home she should have 1:1 time with the baby before hand..

I think her agency is being unreasonable..