[hbrown24]

Along the same lines of the previous post asking what to say when someone asks, "when will you get her?", I am wondering how to respond to, "How much does it cost" or "I hear adoption is so expensive".

We just moved to a new town, so we are meeting new people around the neighborhood and at church. These are people I will be socializing with for a long period of time, not just passing by, so I'm not quite sure how to respond. Personally, I think it's kind of a rude and offensive question, but I am amazed at how many people have asked since we've brought our daughter home. I don't want to give a dollar amount but when they directly ask, what do you say??? I really just want to say, "None of your business."

[becky]

I am always honest. I say that the typical adoption from Guatemala costs $25,000-$30,000. Are they being rude? Maybe. Are they thinking about adopting and want to know the cost? Maybe.

I haven't ever been particularly offended by this question...what is offensive to me is when someone asks "how much did she cost you?"

[Mindybeth6]

I, too, am completely amazed by the amount of people that just come out and ask that question. It is so very annoying. I basically beat around the bush by saying that you cannot put a price tag on a child's life and that we have decided to keep the amount of money we spend in regards to this adoption to ourselves. Now of course I have very close friends that I have discussed the price issue with and family members that I am close with. But I personally feel that "money" is not something I want people to even think about. I want them to relish in the joy that I am feeling...not be thinking about money. Same thing goes when asking for money. I would never, under any circumstances, ask my family to help pay for adoption-related expenses. If someone offered, I may consider their offer, but I would never ask for money. This is our decision therefore we will pay for it. And how much...well I guess that's just between my hubby and me:-)

Hugs

[hbrown24]

becky, I guess depending on how they ask, I perceive it as being rude or not. Pondering on what you said, maybe what offends me more is their response when I do give a dollar amount, which is why I try to avoid it. They just make me feel like I'm crazy for paying that, which I know you cannot put any price on a child...maybe that is what bothers me more.

[annaguat]

I tell them the babies are free but the process is very expensive. I tell them to just think about the trips, attorney and immigrations costs. If they keep insisting I tell them to research on the web as it varies from agency and country. Lately I have been hearing these stories of so and so adopted and it costs X$. We adopted 11 yrs ago for the first time and I was never asked that question and we only discussed it with other adoptive parents. Now it seems way to many people just want to know how much it costs. Anna

[widgit]

Originally Posted by annaguat

the babies are free but the process is very expensive. Anna

This is what we say too. I want to practice what I want my kids overhearing. I also want to model appropriate language because often other children (my kids future playmates) are listening.

If they press further, like another poster I say that it varies by agency and country so they'd have to ask the experts to get an accurate answer.

The one that really got me was, "So were they buy one get one free?" referring of course to our virtual twins.

[Michelle Smiles]

Guess I'm on board with everyone else here. I usually say it's not cheap but you can't put a price on having a family. If they ask more questions, I discuss all of the various places fees go (attorney, homestudy, agency, visa, etc) without any dollar amounts and offer to give them some websites if they want to research it for themselves.

[brinawynne]

i usually laugh and say "well, ALL attorney's are expensive and it's now exception in Guatemala!" if they are truly interested in the process, they usually respond with another question, but usually they just move on to another topic.

[kcbailey777]

I either say a lot or $30,000 depending on the way they ask. If they comment further and ask why it is so expensive I say because of the lawyer's fees. I think people expect lawyers to be expensive.

I have never been asked how much does she cost. I think by the look on my face they would back off.

Lisa

[DD Amasa]

I'm very honest and tell them around $30,000. I have no problem with people asking. My friends have talked about how much their fertility treatments cost, their medical bills from pregnancy their insurance isn't covering and the cost of maternity clothes. It's all the same. Having a baby costs a lot of money, no matter how you choose to form your family. The fact that people go through so much time, effort and expense to have children, whether through pregnancy or adoption, just shows how much they want to be parents and have these children in their lives.

[krambk]

This question bothers me so much, I actually had a co worker ask how much it cost and when it told her she said "so your actually buying the baby then" I went off and said NO, the fees go towards, Medical, Immigration, food and clothing formula diapers for the child for the first months of his life. THe way I look at it is that if we was able to have a baby ourselves and didnt have insurance the cost would be just as much. especially if you used IVF.


I just dont understand people they want to know why you dont do IVF so you can "your own child" not someone elses child. then they think your buying a baby!!!


Poor subject with me, my husband and I chose adoption for the reason that we cant have children naturally and why spend the same amount of money for a chance to have a baby with IVF when you can have a better chance to have an adopted one. another point is there are enough children in this world that doesnt have parents that can care for them why bring another child into this world and leave the others to fend for themselves. We just want a baby, Black white latin purple or spotted it really doesnt matter

sorry for the soap box but people really need to mind there own business.
Brandee

[bbeard72]

Sometimes you really need to put yourself in the other persons shoes. Way before I'd even started thinking about adoption I know I asked people the same question. Why wouldn't you be honest about it...it's not a hiden secret. All agencies have the price on their website. I just give a ballpark figure or tell them it's a bit more than domestic. I asked it to a stranger at a party once b/c I was really curious and she was so open and informational. Which led me to become even more interested. Which in turn is how i'm here today. People don't ask to try to be rude to you...they are curious and don't know and I think it's great to educate and get more people interested.

[dlwcfp1]

Maybe you could answer the question with a question. "Are you thinking of adoption?" If they say yes you can decide what information you would like to share with them. If they say no, then you can just ignore thier question and move on to something else. Most should catch on to the fact that they are offending you.

[aniles]

As with the other post - I try to be honest. My students have asked a few times and I finally decided to just tell them. I hope that by sharing my salary and other things with them that they will come to the understanding of how important an education is, and that with education comes more pay and therefore you can afford more things. But, also, on the other hand, if I don't know them or don't feel comfortable about the way they have asked the question I tell people "the attorney and agency fees add up, but it's worth it" and then try to redirect the question. In the end I know that people are so unfamiliar with the process that they are just curious and mean no harm and so I do my best to be honest. I will tell our costs if I feel the person is truly interested and means well. After all, it is something they could look up themselves, so it's nothing to hide.

[cr653]

once i sat and added everything up with an aquantance
who directly asked.
because we changed countries,
lost a referral,
the time lapse of over 18 months...
i STOPPED added at 30000.

so,
i usually say,
"you dont even want to KNOW!!" in a joking voice,
or
i say i once added it all up and Stopped at 30k.

i dont ever feel like anyone is asking how much i 'paid' for mira,
so im comfortable answering.
i mean the bottom line is fees are what they are, YES it's expensive, and yes we had to downgrade vans so that the final van made a HORRIBLE sound that was embarrassing.
BUT that's how it goes. And facts are facts.

cris.