[Mamma]

when it comes to our son's adoption and our upcoming daughter's adoption. I don't think most people tend to be rude, just curious. In our small town, adoption is viewed as a wonderful thing and people are so curious about it. I love stopping in the local market or gas station and answering people's questions. I don't find it offensive at all. I see it as educating people about adoption. As far as the cost, that doesn't bother me either. Someone asked me about that with our first son, and they ended up starting the adoption process and adding a son to their family. It was great to know that sharing my experiences may have helped them begin their adoption journey.

[brandydawn]

I have only been asked by people with genuine curiosity and it is usually accompanied by other questions about the process.

I have no problem being honest about the topic, half the time the person asking is either asking as they or someone they know has considered adoption.

Most people that have not been touched by adoption in some ways are very uneducated about the process and what will/won't offend someone. I am always open to discussing the process and what our personal experience was....I correct them if they say something off base.

Regards,
Brandy

[~amy~]

I think it's tacky to ask how much it costs - whether someone is interested in adopting or not. However, once someone has told me they are interested, and they have actually done some research on their own, I don't mind comparing notes on the different parts of the fees.

In one case, I was asked about the cost. I told this person (who I had just met) that it is "a lot" and that I'd rather not say exactly how much. She responded that she knows someone adopting who is "already $110,000 into it." Wow! I didn't really know what to say to that!!

[Kaz99]

...I told SOME family and some close friends. I didn't know what to say to those I don't want to share.
But I LOVE Dona's reply. Ask then "why are you conisdering adopting ?" I will definetly use this. Thanks !!
There is a really gossipy lady in her late 50's at work. I think she is divorced and has 2 grown children. I can't wait to say that to her !!! I hope her gang of gossipers are with her !!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

As far as the IVF route. We did that 2x. Waited and waited. Negative on the first. And no heartbeat on the second. Blighted ovum. The heartbreak was terrible. From getting a positive result to having a loss.
That's when adoption started. We know we will have our family....and I stress OUR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hugs.
-Ran

PS - One family member just paid cash for a Lexus SUV. Ouch. My husband and I call our son our little Lexus - the AWCJ model (his initials) out of Guatemala. LOL !!

[MNStarr]

I think it varies, for me personally someone asking you outright how much anything costs, adoption or not, is rude. I usually say well all babies are expensive or she didn't cost anything the process did, even then I had a woman tell me I basically bought my daughter and how it is similar to a blackmarket. ALso have been asked if it costs more if they are lighter. There have been a few people who have come up to us to admire or see her and say that they are looking into adoption and then if they are curious I don't mind sharing the process and fees involved. But usually whenever we get asked that is not the case.


I will admit that one lady at our church who is extremely rude and noisy in fron of everyone the first Sunay we were there, she yelled loudly, Oh so how much did THAT cost? Everyone kinda froze and I said, well why do you ask? She said she just wanted to know, so I asked her how much her new car and house cost...that kinda made her rethink the question...But I felt bad afterwards..

[StorkWatcher]

We adopted domestically, but hope my answers help someone.

My first response was always, "Why do you ask?" If they're considering adoption, I might go into more detail.

I might say:
1. our agency works on a sliding scale based on your income
2. Did you know there's a $10K tax credit?
3. Less than / about the same as some people pay to give birth to their child in a hospital
4. It's not as expensive as some people think
5. Less than a new car.... (which, you know, new cars run between $12K and probably over $100K, so can't everyone use this line?)
6. Some times, we just total it all up and say, "less than $12K" or pick a number and say less than.

[LostMangoInParis]

I figure if they can surf the web they can find out so I don't have a problem telling them. I just figure like most things about adoption many people have little knowledge and are naturally curious.

I've been asked the price of my engagement ring before which strangely enough I find more intrusive than the adoption question and I've sometimes said it cost more than your car! Kind of a conversation stopper!

Kathy

[Stacytoadoopt]

I answer the same way and also explain that a domestic adoption cost between $10,000 and 25,000 - depending on a number of variables.

and then add that yes, I will be working until I am 100 since I didn't put this money into a retirement fund

most people are just curious - no harm intended.

[jaymo]

Hi everyone,
I just wanted to add a little something .... I jsut got back from being with my family (they live in another state) and extended "family". I got the questions 'When can you get them' I usually say, "hopefully before Christmas" I don't think that there is any need tobe offended by this. I look at it like, when someone is pregnant, I always ask "when are you due?" it's the same thing. As for the question "how much did it cost?" I always find myself saying that the girls didn't "cost" us anything ... we are paying for their care and for attorney fees.
Most people are well intentioned .... I am sure that we all have said things that offend people. A friend's child is going to XYZ University ..."Wow that must cost you a fortune" or they purchase a new car, there are many instances where we, ourselves, are not as 'delicate' as one would like .....
Hope that everyone has a great day and, perhaps, will smile and say something smart next time someone asks, what we deem, an inappropriate question.
Maura.

[hbrown24]

Thank you so much everyone for the replies. I really like something along the line of, " 'They' don't cost anything, it's the lawyers, foster care, and agency fees that add up."

No matter how much I rehearse an answer in my head though I always seem to be caught somewhat off guard. I really don't like the idea of giving a dollar amount though. Again, I don't like the reaction of, "Oh my gosh, that's so expensive!" Hopefully I will get better as time goes on.