[DawnMN]

Hello all,
I am so sorry if this topic has been raised many times: I did a search and only produced one thread.
I have been researching int'l adoption options for more than a year now. I am feeling quite led to Guatemala, but the DH feels the draw towards Korea. (quite a dilemma!) The point of my post?
In all of my research I seem to hear plenty about Attachment Disorders and RAD in adoptions from all other countries, including Korea, which uses foster care like Guat. But I do not seem to hear much about AD or RAD in Guatemalan adoptees. Have many of you expereinced bonding and / or attachment challenges or children who have AD or RAD?
Thank you for your help! We have our classes Thursday and Friday, and start the HS after that - a decision MUST be reached!

[shellysarita]

Attachment Disorder is something that can be overcome. I have 2 adopted sisters who joined our family at the ages of 9 and 10. They had severe attachment disorder and they are now very attached to my parents.

Infants who are in foster care and have good foster moms attach to their foster mom. When they arrive home with their adoptive parents, they transfer this attachment to their new parents. While it can mean a bit of extra work on the parents part, it is not a life long issue like FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome) if the parents treat it and succeed in geting their child attached to them.

The attachment issues I have heard of in Guatemalan babies are during the transition from the foster mom to the adoptive parents. During this time the children grieve the loss of their foster mom/family and eventually transfer that attachment to the adoptive parents.

One of the reasons we chose to adopt from Guatemala was because we felt there was less risk of attachment disorder than when adopting from other countries. We've seen the dark side with my sisters so this was important to us.

I hope others chime in wth their experiences. Chekc this out for more info on the transition: http://a4everfamily.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=57&Itemi d=69

BTW, the search feature on this forum is "broken;" it never really works.

Love, Shelly

[WVUMom418]

My daughter was in a hogar instead of being in foster care, I was very concerned about her having attachment issues however, it hasn't been the case. I visited twice before we picked her up and was able to see the care she was receiving at the hogar. It was so totally different than what you see on tv for orphanages in some other countries.

My daughter was 14 months when we brought her home and has been home for just short of 4 months and she is so totally attached to me.

[kacmom1]

We brought our son home last May at 2 1/2 years old. His foster mom was wonderful and talked to him and prepared him for his new family. He knew our names and recognized me right away from the pictures that we sent to him. As soon as he saw me in the hotel lobby, he said "Mama!". I about lost it! Anyway, he attached to me instantly....my husband calls him "velcro"...hahaha. It took him several months to attach and feel comfortable with my husband, but we were just patient and now he wants to be with him all the time. Luca also bonded quickly to his siblings.

I think the attachment issues depend on each individual child and his life before you. It will amaze you how resilient the kids are and how much a little love, security and nourishment will help the kids flourish!

Good luck with your decision! We are so happy that we chose Guatemala! Keep us posted.

[DawnMN]

Thanks for your replies!

I did read the info on 4everfamily website - it is a little bit scary! That is actually the reason I started to really look into the numbers of adoptees from the two specific countries that suffer from RAD or AD. There was a quite a discussion on Bethany's Korea MB, in which one member disputed the theory that foster care reduces the risk of RAD. As with any topic, it is the stories of hardships that you see most, and not so many of the happy endings like your son yelling "mommy" and running to you!
Thanks again!
Dawn

[dsepme]

For what it's worth, I think attachment disorder often goes undiagnosed or is misdiagnosed. In my personal experience, I've been around Guat adoptive parents who describe their children as having the classic symptoms of RAD, PTSD, or other attachment problems, but since they are "so friendly / cling to me / etc etc" they don't think there are attachment issues.

Another guat adoptive mom and I say all the time that for some strange reason, so many Guat adoptive parents don't seem to seek help for attachment or don't seem to be read up on it. Perhaps it's because there is so much talk about guatemalan children not having attachment problems because of the adoption system / process in Guatemala? That looking out for attachment issues isn't part of our particular adoption community culture? It's interesting though....this is of course my personal experience, not necessarily a researched fact!

[ps2005]

I read through a lot of material on the a4everfamily site today, too. It was a little scary! As the pp said, it seems like many people just don't want to think about their child ever having attachment issues (not meaning people on this forum, necessarily; just aparents in general). In my research, I've noticed that attachment comes up a LOT when talking about adoption from Eastern European countries, but not so much with other programs.

For me, I know, it's tough to think about these things because we are so focused on the end, when we are finally parents. In our situation, it's been very difficult to get used to the idea that our family will be grown in a much different way than all our friends--so realizing that our parenting experience will also be very different is a little discouraging and even somewhat painful. HOWEVER, after reading a good bit of material on attachment, I feel incredibly motivated to keep reading, consulting with doctors, making a plan for our new family, etc. I think that is a good step, in spite of feeling a little scared. Makes me feel empowered to be a good parent!

Thanks for bringing this up! I would love to hear of good books or videos that might provide some training for a perspective parents. Old pros out there...any suggestions?

[cbpwife]

My only experience is through my friend's situation. It involved much older children and is far too unique to serve as an example here.

The best thing you can do is research and be prepared.

[doghouse]

Y'all, please keep in mind that "they" rarely write books about the success stories of adoption. The normally adjusted child just doesn't make headlines. I have an Aunt who sent me the three inch thick Joint Council on Adoption book (we are moving so I can't find it now) and in one of the sections it mentioned that there is the same statistical numbers of mental health issues in adoptees as in nonadoptees. So, just because your child was adopted, he or she, statistically, has no greater chance of having emotional problems.

We have three biokids, one with ADHD and other sensory integration issues. Our other two kids are within "normal limits".

My point is, every family has "issues". Don't let the scary stuff scare you from adopting. If we all had to read a text book on psychological problems of childhood, we probably would never have children.