[ksos2003]

Today I was confronted with my first racist comment in the 3 years my daughter has been home. I was with a friend at Pizza Hut who also has a 2 yr. old from Guatemala. I told her it is quite impressive that I have made it this far without something this offensive. I think I am more mad at myself in how I handled it. In the tunnel area a family was playing near my daughter and her little friend. This other little girl starts screaming "why is your kid black and you are white"? I ignore the girl and continue to play with mine and the 2 yr. old. This child continues to scream this phrase over and over. Finally, she comes right up to me and I am on my knees with my daughter and proceeds to get in my face and yells it at me. This entire time this child's mom is sitting 5 feet away. I grab the 2 and mutter to my friend to walk me away before I get myself beat up. This child continues to scream after we walk away "why is your kid black and you are white"? I still ignored her and at this point her racist mother screams "come on we aren't playing here" and grabs them and goes. I looked at my friend and told her if I thought I could take her I would have!! I am more upset that usually I can have a smart answer and am witty with my comebacks but was not this time. I was like a deer in headlights. Also, my daughter is old enough to now understand. Has anyone ever had something like this happen and how did you handle this? Thanks so much for taking the time to read.

[KellyMigoya]

Oh my that mother needs a good whack on her behind! So sad but I think you handled it wonderfully. Your daughter is probably old enough to start explaining that there are ppeople in this world that aren't tolerant of differences and it is very sad for them and all you can do is feel sorry for them and walk away like Mommy did.

[earthmama17]

This is horrible and makes me so angry! The nerve of some people...and the ignorance I just hope when/if this happens to me, I'll be able to walk away, too.

[4abrightfuture3]

I think you did the best you could. I know reading your post I was stunned !!! So I assume you were also. First that child needs a good swat. Not usually a fan of that but rudeness like that is not acceptable. The mother is ignorant so sadly is the child. I would take a minute to tell your daughter some people are rude and say stupid things. We are above that so we dont have to deal with them. I dont think this mother would have learned anything from you. If she could have she would have been MORTIFIED that her daughter would be so rude and loud. I am sorry you had to deal with this.

[mksilvermoon]

i can sympathise with you 100% - I was at a party last night with some friends that i used socialise a lot with (none of them know about my adoption application) - they would all see themselves as fairly liberal and open-minded ...as the night progressed a comment was made about a mutual friend (who was not there) who had a baby last year - she is from Brazil and is (in her words) "a lot of races and beautiful!" One woman asked (about her son) "she had a boy... what was he?" (meaning what race) and then proceeded to ask if he was "black" or "Like V___" (his Mum, our friend)

i was a bit stunned and leapt in (as i usually do) and the outcome was everyone saying i was being too sensitive and politically-correct

so even though i know this comment would have offended V___ very much, and i doubt it would have been said had she been there - all these people who i thought were actually sensitive and open-minded, turned on me for making them feel uncomfortable about how they were talking

i don't know - am i being too combative? i feel so strongly that i cannot let comments go by, or i am colluding - and what if (in the future when i get to be a Mum) my daughter is there, surely i have to tackle these things head on ?

I have definitely revised my opinion of this group of friends tho - amazing how people can surprise you

[kimberlyann68]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I probably would've done the same thing had I been faced with that situation. I think you handled the situation wonderfully.

[csw]

What a terrible person..to allow her child to ask that and not say anything to her..she should have apologized..It is hard..you did the right thing..

[curlyqgyrl]

You should have said "Well why doesn't YOUR mammie know how to parent her child???"

Yep, I'm reeeeaaaaal mature ....

[kelleymac]

Unfortunately, this little girl was only repeating what she had been taught at home. Kids this young don't come up with ideas unless their parents plant the idea in the first place.

the only tactic I've tried is to answer the child honestly and without becoming upset. My hope is that by hearing the other side of the issue, it might make an impact, but I doubt it.

The parent is responsible for this child's conduct, and I'm sorry your daughter had to hear it. I'd tell her honestly that there are people in the world who don't respect others...but that you love her no matter what color she is, or what color you are.

Kelley

[Heidil87]

This kind of thing happens to me often because I am so fair and Mary Lynn is so beautiful Children don't know they are being offensive. They are just curious. I just tell the children who ask that mommiesand daddies and their children don't always look alike but she definitely has MY heart. This is true even for biological children. This being said it seems like this little girl seemed a little obnoxious and her mother should have said something to her.

[shelbydog]

I am sorry you had to go through that....but how old was the little girl? A 3 or 4 year old may very well say something like that and mean it truly literally, and truly wonder if she hasn't seen very many diverse families. My son is 3 and has asked me why Mia is brown or why people are black. I of course correct him and guide him as to what is the right thing to say or ask, what is polite vs. rude, but he is only 3 and says things literally. He quotes what he sees and it is completely innocent. The parent absolutely should have stepped in and apologized on her behalf, but I disagree that she was repeating something she heard. Depending on the age, kids ask why alot. My son probably asks "why" 50-100 times a day, seriously! There will come a time when you will be mortified at what your kids say....they just say it. Whether they see someone who is larger than them, tall, short...they make comments innocently and it's our job to correct them. Shame on the Mom for leaving!! But depending on the age of the child, the child may not have been racist. Hope that makes sense.

[vangrad]

I can think of all kinds of things, none of which I probably would have said: Why are you skinny when your mother is fat? That's just the way we are, honey. We wanted purple and pink, but they were all out. We like variety. We're trying for green next time. Or, maybe, I heard you the first time, dear, but I'm choosing not to answer you.

[Anne22]

Originally Posted by shelbydog

I am sorry you had to go through that....but how old was the little girl? A 3 or 4 year old may very well say something like that and mean it truly literally, and truly wonder if she hasn't seen very many diverse families. My son is 3 and has asked me why Mia is brown or why people are black. I of course correct him and guide him as to what is the right thing to say or ask, what is polite vs. rude, but he is only 3 and says things literally. He quotes what he sees and it is completely innocent. The parent absolutely should have stepped in and apologized on her behalf, but I disagree that she was repeating something she heard. Depending on the age, kids ask why alot. My son probably asks "why" 50-100 times a day, seriously! There will come a time when you will be mortified at what your kids say....they just say it. Whether they see someone who is larger than them, tall, short...they make comments innocently and it's our job to correct them. Shame on the Mom for leaving!! But depending on the age of the child, the child may not have been racist. Hope that makes sense.

I agree. I think kids generally just say what pops into their heads, often without knowing that what they're saying is inappropriate. Things like, "Why is that lady fat?" Or, "How come that man can't walk?" It also seems to me that the child wasn't necessarily being "racist" because she noticed that you and your daughter are of different races. Although the fact that she was screaming at you, and continued to scream at you while you were walking away sounds like she was trying to get a rise out of you. Good for you for not taking the bait!

I also agree that it was totally up to the child's Mom to intervene and give an explanation such as that suggested by Heidil87 -- that not all children look like their mommies. Too bad that she wasn't up to the task.

[foxl]

I ... would have been absolutely stunned!

For starters, since my dd is Indian and much, much darker than my Guatemalan son, it is hard to imagine anyone thinking of him as "black." Heck, my dd now says she and her AA playmate are brown ... and different shades at that.

That might've been a starting point with the child, if I had had a brain in my head, at that point -- pointing out no, she is brown.

I wonder if the Mom was just too shaken to speak, or was really a blatant racist herself? Sometimes, it is not what they hear at home ... if one of mine said something like that, I can see myself clamming up!

[lcpd]

I can see why you would be without words. I'm not sure what I would have said at that point either. You can talk it over with your child now. People say stupid things for a multitude of reasons and a lot of times you don't know the reason. I agree that kids say whatever happens to be on their mind at the time. It sounds like the mother isn't even teaching her child very basic manners such as "don't yell into an adult's face, especially one you don't even know." Geez!