[bizzee]

I broke the news to my mother several weeks ago that we are planning to adopt. I greatly feared doing this, but thought I'd better just get it over with. Her reaction (at the time) was far better than I had anticipated.

I just got off the phone with her. It has been several weeks since I told her and we have talked a few times since then. Now she is being, well, just being not a very nice person and certainly not supportive. I asked her if she had told my father yet. She said no, there was no reason to tell him ... after all, he wouldn't care anyway.

That comment alone just shattered me. Yes, my dad would care, and I would hope he would be happy for us!!! And I know he would be !!

I just thought that was really, really cruel. Then she went on to give me her true (negative) opinions of the whole thing.

If I'd have said I was pregnant, would it have been any different? Not really - she has never understood my desire to have children. She thinks "all kids are accidents" and nobody ever plans them. Huh?

I'm 45 years old. Her opinion should no longer matter, but it still does.

Now I get to toss this into the adoption mix and figure out the best place to put it.

[Clayton0122]

I am sorry that your mom is not being supportive. There are no true accidents with children, God plans them all. I hope that you can take comfort in the fact that God has a plan for you and your family. I am praying that he will change her heart and mind regarding this.

God Bless you.

[lcpd]

Sound like you should put it in the garbage!! That is such a terrible thing to say. I'm sorry that your mother is not more supportive. I don't know what I would do if my mom or my MIL had said that to me. We have gotten some different comments, but for the most part everyone has been supportive. Its too bad your grandmother didn't teach your mother, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." Sending you hugs!!

[Mindybeth6]

I just have to say that I feel so sad for you that you are dealing with this and I honestly have no advice but will offer my support. I can say that the bond with a parent or the desire to have a bond will never ago away and therefore it doesn't matter what age you are....you will always like to have approval of your parents. It's just our natural inclination to want to know our parents support us and our happy about our decsions. I am very blessed to have a wonderful relationship with my parents but I will say that, in the end, no matter what anyone's opinions are...it is YOURS that matters the most. You want to bring a child into your home to love and cherish and you should not let anyone, expecially your parents, make you feel guilty or bad about that. You are doing a wonderful thing and the bond that you will share with your adopted child will be incredible, I am sure. I hope they come around. Maybe you should sit down and talk with your dad yourself. I told me mom weeks before my dad and when I say down to tell me dad that DH and I had "news" his eyes lit up and he said "your pregnant!?" Well...nope...but you ARE getting another grandchild (we already have a bio son) and he was elated and can't wait. Hopefully you will get the same reaction.

((Big Hugs))

[Kesti]

I am 46 and to the point where I really don't need approval from anyone to do what my heart tells me to do You keep moving forward and be happy with your decision and don't let your mom ruin this decision for you. You need to follow your heart. Maybe in her heart she really never wanted to have children, there are many like that in this world, and maybe it is just her bitterness showing at this time. I am sure you are well aware that the issues lie within her and not with you and what you are deciding to do really has nothing to do with what she wants as this is what you want. An adoption option may not be her choice but it is your choice so move forward and don't let her negativity get you down.

Love to you.
Mom of two Guatemala beauties

[capt911k]

My DW and I have gotten some really odd coments and reactions too. At one point it had upset my DW so much that she want to move to the east coast Vermont if I remember right. I came too the conclusion that if "our" family wasn't going to be there for us then I'd not bother them with it and just get close with those that were supportive and excited.

[bekalynn]

oh I am so so sorry you are having to fight this kind of battle!
Isn't the adoption road hard enough to deal with without having to throw in complicate family issues?

What she said was undeniably cruel! Children are NOT accidents -- chin up, bizzee -- we've got your hugs covered right here...

[lmvsmom]

Originally Posted by capt911k

I came too the conclusion that if "our" family wasn't going to be there for us then I'd not bother them with it and just get close with those that were supportive and excited.

I agree wholeheartedly. You absolutely cannot allow your mother to say or even imply especially to your child that all children are accidents. Life is too short to put up with cruel statements like these. I'm so sorry as I can only imagine the hurt that you have experienced.

[curlyqgyrl]

Hey, I"M excited for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOHOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are going to have a beautiful Guatemalan angel before you know it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!











When I encountered people like that, I didn't update on anything through out the process, didn't talk to them at all until Meeah came home. THEN they were singing a different tune.

[csw]

I am so sorry..I don't know if I could have handled my own mom/dad not being supportive..they were and still are my daughters biggest fans! I think she will come around, but in the meantime try not to let it bother you. It is her loss..

[Waiting4Alexa]

Hi, my parents aren't supportive either. I have sent them pics and talked to them about it but I haven't heard one word from them about it. A long time ago I had told my mother that I was probably going to adopt and she told me then that she wouldn't consider an adopted baby her granchild because I didn't have it biologically...what a load of crap!! By the way, my family and I are NOT close due to a lot of past issues. On the other hand, my in laws couldn't be more excited. They ask if we have heard anything new everyday. They talk about the baby all of the time. I figure it this way, it's in God's plan for me to be a mother to this Guatemalan baby, and if my parents cannot accept that, it's their loss, they will be the ones who are missing out. I'm 31 years old and I didn't need them when I was growing up and I certainly don't need them now.

[aniles]

I am sooo sorry to hear that. Not knowing your family at all, maybe you can write her a letter or something explaining your feelings, what you need from her as your mother and how her comments make you feel as a daughter and a new mom-to-be. A letter would allow you to say exactly what you want in the way you want. That way the ball is in her court so to speak and you know you've tried your best. Also, can you try to talk to your Dad without your Mom as an in-between? Maybe he will be supportive. Good luck - this is a hard situation. It doesn't matter how old we are - our parents are always important to us.

Congrats on your decision to adopt!! I hope you can surround yourself with people who are supportive -at least you will find those kind of people here!! Good Luck with this.

[Belenbaby]

I am sorry, this hurts. My only suggestion is that you should call your dad yourself and tell him. If your mom does not approve, then go to others for support. any aunts or cousins? close friends? you will need to vent sometimes during this process and having someone to support you is very important. This group is wonderful, but we can only cyber hug you! one going out to you right now

[DesertMom]

I'm sorry your mother said such a cruel thing to you. My father once said to me that it was a good thing that we hadn't had kids because they ruin your life. Nice, huh? I chose many years ago to no longer have contact with my bio family and haven't really regretted it. There was nothing I got out of the relationship but pain. I built a new family out from friends who love me. If you want to keep a relationship with you mom, I would limit contact. It's sad when parents can't do their stinkin' job. You're going to be a much better mother. Celebrate that!

[KellyMigoya]

Wow that is horrible. I feel sorry for you growing up if that is her view of children.
Surround yourself with love and support. That is all you can do.