[AlyD]

Many of you know about my less than smooth adoption journey. A 14-month ordeal plagued by lack of communication, outright lies and indifference. With many prayers and well wishes from this forum I finally left to bring my son home at the end of January and promised to share details of my pick-up trip. I have been very slow to do this partly because I’ve been happily busy helping my new son and his big brother adjust and partly because it makes my stomach hurt to think about my pick-up and I actually have nightmares about my agency still. But I need to share this in hopes of saving someone else the same heartache and because I said I would. Please forgive me for a long post, it will be long, and for taking two months to get to it.

After 14 months of lies, unnecessary delays and innacurate information I finally had all the pieces in place to bring my son home, except for the actual embassy date. I made plans to travel on January 24th, based on the date I was supposedly submitted for Pink and others experience at he time it followed that I should have my interview date that Thursday, but if not I planned to wait for it in GT with my almost 2 year son. I spoke with my agency and verified that I would be taken to my son’s orphanage on Wednesday (I did not want him brought to me – this was VERY important to me for many reasons and had been emphasized many times with my agency and agreed upon). Tuesday evening I rec’d a call at my hotel from the facilitator letting me know tha I had rec’d pink and my appt was scheduled for the following Monday. She confirmed with me that she would take me to get my son the next day but wasn’t sure at what time and would call and let me know on Wednesday morning. She also asked if the attorney knew I was coming. I said I had no idea, as the agency forbids contact with the attorney, but that the agency said all was in place for me to pick-up my son. I then rec’d a call from my dad saying that my son at home was very sick and might need to be admitted to the hospital (that was not expected as he was fine when I left) . My next call was to my senator’s office to try and change my pink appt to Thursday so I could get home as soon as possible to my older son. I went to bed worried about my son at home and feeling good about having my newest son in my arms the next day and meeting his caretakers etc. By 2pm on Wed I had heard nothing from the facilitator and called and left her a mesg. I then called the agency and left a mesg. THe facilitator called me back and said the attorney had no idea I was coming and wasn’t at the orphanage therefore the staff would not let me even see my son let alone pick him up. I then called back the agency and told them this and they proceeded to say this was my fault and I told them not to tell the attorney I was coming (I never said that, I did say that the agency needed to do whatever they had to to ensure my son was not brought to the hotel but that I went to him and his caregivers that he trusts and knows gave him to me – he is 2 yrs old I think this was very imp.). Agency said they would call me right back. While waiting for that call I rec’d a call from the embassy that my pink appt had been changed to Thursday morning. Now my agency calls me back and tells me there is no way I can go to the orphanage today (Wednesday) but maybe the facilitator will be able to take me sometime on Thursday and I knew I was going down w/o a date for pink and might have to be there a while so it shouldn’t matter if I didn’t get my son on Wed and etc. I then tell the agency that my pink appt was changed and is now tomorrow morning. (Agency knew I was trying to change this as soon as I got to GT and wished me luck on it) and even if it hadn’t been changed, waiting in GT with my son was entirely different than waiting w/o him with me. I was then given a lecture on how supportive my agency had been of me and how much they had done for me etc and if I was so determined to have my son today that he would be brought to the hotel but if I really had his best interest at heart I would wait until they got around to bringing me to the orphanage. At this point I lost it- I turned into the ugly american crying and yelling on the phone in the lobby (only place I got cell reception) about how I was the only person that had cared about this child for 14 months and how dare the agency accuse me of not having his interest at heart when I am the one who convinced them of the need for me to go to the orphanage as opposed to having a stranger pick him up and drop him off at a strange place to yet another stranger (me) who would whisk him out of the country. The agency then said, and I quote “I could have stopped this adoption in June when I realized the attorney was difficult and just put your money toward a different child but I realized you were attached so I let it keep going”. I still want to puke when I think about that moment. The tone of her voice and what she said combined with the fact that my son at home was very sick, I was in a foreign coutry alone and still being lied to and not able to even see my son, a child that was legally mine, all this together gave me the deepest fear I have ever felt I truly was beginning to believe I wouldn’t see my son if I didn’t tell them to bring him to me at the hotel immediately and pretend to agree that the agency lady was the kindest person ever who was so deeply advocationg for me. So that is what I did. Another 5 minutes of lectures on me not truly having my son’s interest at heart and 5 minutes of me feeding her ego and my son was being brought to me. He arrived with a bottle and a plastic happy meal toy that was apparently his favorite (he has yet to touch it) and a lollipop. My embassy appt was a breeze – apparently they were not doing visa interviews for adoptions that day so I was an exception and breezed through the process receiving my paperwork that evening. My son only cried if we went anywhere near the hotel room door or left the room inside the room he was all smiles – a little tricky as I was there on my own, but we managed - and thankfully my older son ended up not being hospitalized, though he is now having surgery on April 6th. Friday afternoon we got our flight and were home in the USA by midnight. I have never been so happy to touch us soil in my life. I have also never felt so alone, so fearful and so helpless in my life as I did in the few days I was in GT. In the end I think I let the agency manipulate me, perhaps I should've been stronger but at that point I did the best I could and everything seems to have worked out in the end. My lil guy seems to be doing pretty well despite the fact that I could not pick him up from those he knew and trusted. I will never be able to tell him anything about the first two years of his life or those who cared for him or what the place he lived was like or even what name he was called as he does not recognize his given birth name and he is a smart kid so I know he was not called by his birth name. I was told one piece of information about him, he hates mangos. The first day he was with me he ate almost an entire mango and was very upset that there was not more, so even what I was told about him specifically was not even accurate. But, he is home and now has a loving family and was home just in time for his 2d birthday. He was well-cared for, only slightly underweight and did not have much experience with chewing any food other than crackers. He has pretty much figured the chewing out and has learned how to kiss and hug and is absolutely amazing. Sadly those representing him and those who were supposed to advocate for him failed him miserably but thankfully those caring for him truly cared for him.

That’s the story for the most part. An awful agency, a worse attorney, a Senator's office that actually cared and one incredible little boy. Edited to remove specific agency/attorney discussion. Sorry this is so long but it’s as condensed as I can get it. If you made it through the whole post, Congratulations and thank you.

Best to all,

Aly

[lmvsmom]

Thanks, Ally, I think it's important to let others know about your story so they can avoid this agency. Congratulations on your new son!

[pez collector]

Aly-

I am so happy that your son is home where he belongs!
I am so sorry that this was so difficult. Would you mind sending me a pm to give me the name of your agency?

Thanks-

[foxl]

Aly, Thanks for posting this, first. Second I felt so sad for you -- pickup is usually stressful enough when things are going smoothly and people are cooperative! Third, I am glad your son(S) are doing well now you have been hoime a while! Let us know how your older boy is doing after surgery, next week!

[RLK913]

Glad to know you and your son are home safely, but so sorry to read about your ordeal!!!

Hope things continue to get better for you all and hope that your older son is ok!!

Thanks so much for putting your story into words and sharing it with us.

[apetry26]

Aly, Thanks for sharing your story... I am happy for you and your little guy, to be home and safe.

Angie

[DPline]

Oh my goodness! I am so sorry you had to go through all that, but so happy to hear your son is home and doing well. Hope your older son's surgery goes well next week.

[poppy]

Wow! What a story! We are at the beginning of our journey and your story is scary and encouraging at the same time. It's scary what an agency can do and be like. BUT, it's encouraging that there was a happy ending and you are willing to share with others. Thank you for that. We have not chosen an agency yet so if you could PM me the agency name it would be helpful. Thanks again for sharing your story.

[earthmama17]

Aly-
Thanks for sharing your story. It's so sad that the people that should have had your son's best interest at heart did not. I'm glad there was a happy ending but my heart sinks at the thought of what could have been if you had no been so strong or if they didn't complete their job. It's good at least your embassy appointment was a breeze (mine was not).

Could you PM me your agency? Thanks.

[lcpd]

What a terrible way to start your new relationship with your son. I'm glad you are both home safetly and I pray that your other son will make it through his surgery without any problems! At least it is all in the past and you can focus on the future with your family.

[kimberlyann68]

Aly,

Thanks for sharing your story. I'm so sorry that you had to go through such an ordeal, but I'm so happy to hear that you now have your son home with you.

[lisa2695]

Aly -
can you PM me and tell me the agency and attorney please.

Thanks

[4abrightfuture3]

How scary. I cant imagine how frightened you must have been. How can people (agency) be so cold and calculating?? Her ego mattered more then this child. I am so glad it has all worked out for you.

[deguatmom]

Aly - I am sitting here with tears in my eyes! I'm so sorry you and your son had to go through that terrible ordeal. I am so happy that he is home with you and recognizes the love you have for him. I'm sure he will be proud of his mom when he hears of the fight you put up to get him home. I pray he continues to thrive and that the pain will fade to a distant memory for you.

Thank you for sharing your story!

[jjuliejchad]

Hi Aly,

I just searched to see which agency you used and it happens to be the same one we used. We had our own slew (sp) of problems and yes we were sick to our stomach mostly because of the attorney. I am glad you are home and doing well. I share your frustration. We were told a lot about our son and none of it matched what was in his family report. We know nothing about his foster family and when we asked, we did not receive any answers. I too cannot tell my son much other than where and when he was born. He was 3 1/2 when he came home in January. Very sad.

Good luck.

Julie