[~Periwinkle~]

We thought we had picked out the perfect agency, only to find out from a mom at our child's school that they won't take gay or lesbian clients. We are straight, and I never thought to check into this until I heard about it today. A lot of agencies must be willing to play "don't ask don't tell", judging by the number of gay/lesbian families I know who have adopted internationally. The one we are considering isn't one of them, it turns out.

So now we face an ethical dilemma. My husband and I strongly believe in gay rights as human rights. We would never use an agency that refused to take African-American clients. So is it ethical to use an agency that refuses to accept gay and lesbian clients? This is a wonderful agency and the fit feels right in all other ways, but I'm feeling really guilty giving my money to support a discriminatory organization.

Anyone else face this situation? How did you handle it?

~periwinkle~

[dspakowsky]

That's a tough call, because if we were to look too far into human rights we wouldn't be adopting the children of impoverished mothers, we'd be supporting the mothers so they can keep their children.

[mary594]

never faced this situation but I do know of agencies that make gay/lesbian people sign papers stating they are not gay. I do have a friend whom I met thru the adoption process who is a lesbian and she was going to refuse to sign the paper my thought was if you want a child don't start getting on I have rights just do what they want. So my feeling for you is if you really like this agency and it feels right to you then just use them.

an analogy- my husband is an athiest, I am a Christian I certainly do not believe his views at all. He is good in every other way and I am very happy to have him. If I by passed him because of this I would have missed out on a great guy.

By the way there are other great agencies out there so if you are to uncomfortable then move on.

Mary

[Mary Mulcahy]

On the other hand is it ethical for an agency to encourage the client to lie in order to adopt???

I don't support gay discrimination, however there are agencies that don't encourage gays to adopt from certain countries. My home study agency has been very successful in placing domestic adoptions with gay families. They do not encourage gay families to adopt from counties like Guatemala since they may encounter numerous problems. Sometimes its so unfair because a loving family can come in many ways.
Mary, mom to Danny and Ricco

[Devora]

I very much appreciate your dilemma. This was not an issue with our agency, but is an issue with Guatemalan adoptions. The Guatemalan government does not allow adoptions by gay or lesbian singles or couples. (This is not true for all countries.) For us it was a similar uncomfortability when choosing to adopt from a country from which some of our friends (to make it personal) could not adopt.

We decided that couldn't be the deciding factor for us in which country to adopt from. We had other considerations regarding what was going to be best for our child in our families. So we decided that opting for Guatemala despite their ban was a compromise we would make.

So I see the situation this way:
* If the agency is saying they won't work with gay/lesbian parents adopting from Guatemala, then I think that is ethical because it is the law for Guatemala.
* If the agency says they will represent the parent(s) as being straight when they are not, then I have a problem with lying in the context of adoption and violating the law through deceit. (This is just my opinion.)
* If, however, the agency won't work with any gay/lesbian adoptive parents -- for domestic adoption or for any country that allows adoptions by gay/lesbian adults -- then I would probably choose a different agency.

There's no right answer. I respect the fact that you see this as a dilemma.

Best wishes,
Stephanie

[becky]

I actually do not believe there is any 'law' that says gay or lesbian people cannot adopt in Guatemala. Someone can correct me if I am wrong.

We know that it is difficult and that culturally it is not what the people who approve adoptions want...but I honestly don't think there is a law preventing it.

If someone knows of a specific law, please correct me here....

[avoel]

I think Devora said it very well--if you choose an agency that only does adoptions in Guatemala then that agency has one of two choices...refuse to work with gay/lesbian clients because to do so would be violating the laws of Guatemala, or encourage their clients to lie. So in that case, I think it would not be discriminatory for the agency to refuse to work with gay and lesbian clients because they would have no legal way to complete an adoption for that client.

[echaos]

A lesbian's take on it:

Please keep in mind that I adopted domestically, not internationally.

So is it ethical to use an agency that refuses to accept gay and lesbian clients?

My understanding of this is that it is Guatemala that does not allow GLBT people to adopt. To me, an agency that accepts a gay or lesbian couple for a Guatemalan adoption is more unethical then the ones that do and lie by omission, or gloss over an important part of the adoptive parent's life.

Do I think it's right for Guatemala to not allow GLBT adoptions? NO. But it is also not my place to impose my beliefs on others, just as I don't want others to impose their beliefs on me. I don't agree with the Catholic church on many things, so I choose to not be Catholic. There are people who believe in the Catholic church that choose to not live a gay lifestyle. That is their choice.

If you are truly bothered by gays and lesbians not being able to adopt from this agency, are you willing to take your beliefs a step further and not adopt from Guatemala because they don't allow it? Would you not adopt from China because of a weight restriction when you have overweight friends?

I applaud you for standing up for what you believe in, but using this agency or not using them isn't going to change the fact that gays and lesbians are almost always excluded from international adoption. Until we elimate homophobia here in North America, we can't even hope to begin to try and eliminate it in the rest of the world.

[avoel]

Maybe not a law on the books but I was told PGN reviewers were/are requiring affadavits of heterosexuality from us singles...I had to have this mentioned in my homestudy and had to include it in my dossier as well. This was last year so not sure if it is still the case?

[Mary Mulcahy]

I think Becky is right that legally there is no law, however, it can be difficult and almost impossible for a gay couple to adopt from Guatemala. I have a friend who is gay that just completed an adoption and a lot of things were glazed over in her home study about this issue. I think that her agency was not acting ethical when they encouraged the omissions as well as some other things. Yes, they have their child but at what cost. The Chicago Tribune just had an article about this subject (gay adoptions). The fact is my homestudy agency has been very successful in Domestic adoptions for gay families and they are often chosen by p-birth moms and matched successfully.
Mary
PS, Susana L has discussed this but the culture is anti gay and PGN and family court can be brutal if they suspect the person is gay

[AddisonsMommy]

Becky,

I was thinking the same thing. I've read the controversies with interest, on the Big List especially, over the course of time. It seems that no one has ever been able to come up with a written law.

Anyone???

That said, I do know that the Guatemalan culture itself is discriminatory against gays and you can read about that in travel guides, and all sorts of places.

Most agencies do not require singles to make statements of their sexuality unless the country ITSELF requires it ( for instance, China does )....

just my two cents,

Jen

[LisaCA]

we adopted domestically and chose to use a facilitator and agency that actively supported gay/lesbian adoptions.

That said, if the country is discriminatory and not the agency, then as andy says, you have two choices: go with guatemala or switch countries to one that does. If the agency works in other countries that do accept gay/lesbian parents and still has this policy across the board, I'd encourage you to find another agency, but let them know why you're leaving. You can't change the world, but if you do have other options like finding another agency and can do so without much grief or expense or need to switch countries, why not?

[erinberry]

Originally Posted by Devora

IThe Guatemalan government does not allow adoptions by gay or lesbian singles or couples. (This is not true for all countries.)

This is actually not true. The Guatemalan government has no such rule.

Personally, I would not go with an agency that discriminated against gays and lesbians.

[Maggie Beth]

Do they take gay and lesbian clients in programs that allow them? If they do not allow GLBT folks JUST in the Guatemala program, that is one thing... but if it is in all programs, you may need to find another agency that will allow you to stand up for your beliefs. Good luck to you!

[curlyqgyrl]

Originally Posted by mary594

never faced this situation but I do know of agencies that make gay/lesbian people sign papers stating they are not gay.

Isn't it just sad???? It really makes me sad. Especially in TODAYS world.

I don't know what I would do. I guess if I haven't invested any money into it or tons of paperwork , I would probebly go elsewhere.