[pgalupo]

Hello. I am a member of the "big list" though I have never posted on it. Currently there is an on-going discussion about how the list is not always supportive of everyone (current topic is the list response to sexual minorities, but there have been other topics as well), and how debates can become nasty, and how some members are silenced by an outspoken "majority" etc.

For those of you who use both this forum and the big list for information, do you think that this forum is more inclusive? that we engage in less debate? or that you are more likely to post your questions here (and/or spend your time here) than the big list? Do you feel that some members are silenced on this list?

If you think we are more supportive here, what do you think accounts for that? Demograhics? the format of the forum?

Just wondering how other members feel.

-Paz

[mattecook]

Yes! I was a member of the big list with my first adoption and was an active member posting etc and the debates could get pretty ugly. There really isn't (in my opinion) the moderation that occurs on this sight. Good or bad I unsubscribed after a topic really turned me off and now a couple of years later I can't even remember what it was specifically enough to post about it. However, when I started Elly's adoption I resubscribed and just scroll through periodically and haven't posted yet. This forum engages in debate but we try to keep it respectful and for the most part we do. The big list serves many wonderful purposes and one of them being that you are able to discuss openly agencies. As well some adoption advocates/attornies will post frequently when there is pending leglislation change etc.

Ami

[KevinK]

I think it is a few things. The forums definitely have much less debate on them. I would never post things here that I would post on Guatadopt or the Big List. Also, I tink that the forums are far more likely to kick people off then the Big List. So many thigs said onteh Big List would be enough to have someone booted from here.

I think all the debate on the Big List is a positive thing. I don't believe that there is such a thing as bad debate. I think people need to learn to be thick skinned and not give a darn about what someone they don't even know writes.

just my opinion,

Kevin

[Maggie Beth]

I agree... except with certain topics.

For example, vaccines and circumcisions... when these topics come up, I cringe because I know some people on this list are very strong in their opinions and when my opinions differ, I have been feeling lately like I am not welcome to contribute.

Overall this is a friendly, more social list, in 99% of the topics that are discussed.

Good thread!

[chica_latina]

I'm a member of the Big List and very occassionally read through the posts. I'm actually considering cancelling my subscription.

There are often debates going on, political, spiritual, social, etc. I enjoy reading those because I enjoy seeing different points of view, even if they are not ones that I agree with.. I love to expand my thoughts and beliefs and I always enjoy a good challenge.

However, I've noticed that often times, these debates become ugly and disrespectful.

I've posted a few times. One time I responded to a gal who experienced a rude racist remark from a friend. Things got heated with many different people and I ended up having a gal email me several times accusing me of being some "white, rich woman out in the country".. Well, for one, I'm Hispanic, grew up poor, lived in different countries and have traveled the world studying cultures and religion. .. ugh..

In my latest post, I requested information about a Guatemalan pediatrician.. I just stated that I was requesting personal experience.. I received 3 very rude emails from people saying that I should be more clear of what I want in my email.. and I got an email from the crazy Julianna lady.

I could develop thick skin and stand my ground, but that is such a waste of energy. I'm here to live, learn, and love, not argue with rude dim-wits.

Myrna

[pgalupo]

One of the things I like about this forum is that by posting our profiles, our timelines, sharing the pictures etc. it may be easier to see each other in human terms -- so maybe we are a bit more accountable for how we respond to others.

Maybe also because topics exists in threads it is easier to pick and choose the topics we want to engage in.

But I had never thought about how strictly monitored this forum is as well and how that plays into issues of civility.

I also agree that debate is good and that the big list (by including agency discussion and by allowing for more latitude in discussion) serves a different purpose.

Hmm.... I'm finding it fascinating -- everyone's perspective on this so far. Keep them coming.

-Paz

[Speakezswd]

What is the big list, and how is it accessed?

[linda512]

I was on the big list and got off when a debate got ugly- I think it was about choosing gender. It seemed that people couldn't let it go and felt the need to continue the discussion beyond what was productive. And, as is the case in many places, people like to "hear themselves speak" and often think they have something very important to say.
Here, because it is moderated and because of the format it is easier to ignore some of that and a lot of that is cut off quickly. I found the volume of email on the big list onerous for the amount of value I got out of it.

[lmitchem]

I'm on both lists and feel so much more at home here....I really learn things here...and lately on the big list all its about is debate. Debate is fine but the same old thing gets old over and over.

Just my opinion,
Lisa

[Anne22]

I was on the Big List for a while, but asked to be let out, so to speak, because I didn't like the tones that people took with each other. I'm all for free debate. Heck, I'm a lawyer. I'm pretty used to debating. But, when people start attacking each other personally, I just cringe. Ironically, although I'm a lawyer, I hate conflict. Seriously, personal attacks just rub me the wrong way in a big way.

So, yes, I do feel more comfortable here because when there are debates, they are conducted respectfully.

That being said, I know that on some topics I am uncomfortable sharing my views because I know that there are those on this board who would strenuously disagree with my views, and perhaps judge me harshly for them. Abortion is the topic that comes first to mind.
On most topics, however, I feel perfectly comfortable being open about how I think and feel.

[pgalupo]

Speakezswd:

the BIG list is a list-serve for families who have adopted from Guatemala (or are in process of). Agency reps are also on the list. A more detailed description of the list as well as instructions for subscribing can be found on Guatadopt dot com.

Hope that helps.
-Paz

[LMG]

[quote=pgalupo]
Do you feel that some members are silenced on this list?


Yes, most definitely. I would say that I spend much more time on the big list than I do here. I rarely post here anymore...there are a few threads that I watch and post on but that's about it. Mostly I still hang out here for the information. Since we are currently stuck in PGN, I look here for any new information.

Don't get me wrong...I have met some really great people here on the forum. I just think there is way too much moderating. If I don't like a topic or a heated debate on the big list I just simply hit delete and don't even bother to read them. But at least you are free to speak your mind there.

[Jett's Mama]

I found the Big List to be very unfriendly in general. The discussions that I read were at times tense.... that is SO not where I needed to be. This process is hard enough without the added negativity.

I think this works because it is a forum and people take the time to cheer the good news and lend support.

Good post.