[shellysarita]

Has anyone had experience with this? Also, do you know how much foster moms make per baby per month in wages?

Love, Shelly

[laura-jean]

From what I understand they get about $150- per month per child. If I am off here someone please correct me...

Did you say that they are "requesting" money? Can you be more specific? Did you ask them what they needed and they just said "money", or did they just flat out ask?

We have given FM's monetary gifts however she would have never asked or suggested it.

There have been threads on this topic and giving money can be good and bad. I see both sides to it. People expecting it and setting a bad precidence. Then how much do you give and does it just get more and more? Then on the other hand, they take such good care of our children and we just feel like easing their financial burdens a bit....

Curious about how the request came about....

Laura Jean

[shellysarita]

bumpity bump

[csw]

Hi
I had heard its more like $400 a month per child..
We gave her many gifts on our trips..we also gave her cash each time as well..except the final time I was so not happy with my daughters care, I didn't give her money..just a token gift..I had heard they do appreciate monetary gifts..if you are happy with the care your daughter received I would think it is appropriate..I think the foster mothers have a life long supply of body lotion and perfume etc..

[adoptguatemalablog]

Without a doubt I think it is definitely appropriate. I know that many have given small gifts and some have given larger more practical gifts when they were able. I remember a post here that said they were getting a microwave for their child's foster mother. I'm sure whatever you decide will be received gratefully.

I had not heard the $400/child figure before. I had always heard a lower figure around the $200/child mark. Is there that much range in what they are paid?

[ddhuab]

I thought I had heard once about $150 per child, too -- of course, we could all be remembering the same post!

Anyway, I seriously doubt it is as high as $400 per child. I know when we have to start paying foster care (if our case goes really long, we have to start paying after 8 months, I think), our charge isn't even that high per month, and I know the amount per month that goes to the lawyer would not be the full amount that goes to foster mother, as the formula, clothing, and diapers also has to come out of this amount.

I am sure the amount received varies, though, according to the lawyer involved.

Shelly, did she ask for a specific amount?

I have also hear/read that the foster mothers really appreciate monetary gifts... I am hoping to not give money until the pick-up trip, and not on the visit, though. Do you think that is ok?

I certainly think something in the $100-200 range is appropriate... I would balk at giving much more than that, like if she was asking for $500-$1,000 or something.

Good luck with your decision,
D.

[ashlind]

We had gotten a copy of the SW report during our E investigation and in it we read that the FM is getting $150.00 per child per month.

My husband and I wrote to our FM asking what her and her family would like us to bring to them from America next time we come to Guatemala. We didn't think it would be a big issue, because during our visit trip the FM's son asked if we could bring him a football and the FM asked for a camera (no big deal). We didn't want to leave her other family members out so we wrote to them asking what the others would like. We just received their reply letter last Saturday. Oh my gosh!!! The FM asked for a video camera and digital camera, her husband wants a watch (no big deal), the daughter and son both want a nintendo, Game Boy Advance and discmans, AND the sister-in-law and her two daughters want watches, Game Boy Advances and discmans also. How are we ever going to afford this??? We really weren't expecting them to ask for so much when all they ever asked for earlier were some pretty practical, inexpensive things. I told my husband that we could get the kids ONE Game Boy Advance to share and get the FM a video camera with a digital camera included. We could get everyone a watch of their own also. He thinks that we should get everything they asked for! He just finished coaching basketball and says he'll use his check for all of these items. I think it's just asking too much of us and it may even give other foster families ideas to ask for such things from their American families.

What do you all think??? Am I being unreasonable here?

DeAnn

[shellysarita]

DeAnn,

I think are are being very reasonable and generous! I think there is a view that all Americans actually own all these things and are wealthy. We don't even own a digital camera or video camera; we borrowed these for our visit trip.

Here's some more info: our foster mom emailed asking us to help her out as she is behind in paying her bills and her husband isn't working. She needs $500 and her salary is $100 for fostering. She didn't clarify if that was $100 a month or a week; she is fostering 2 children right now, so I guess at $200/month, this could be $100/week. Truth be told, we can't afford to help her out as we are already very tight financially with the adoption expenses.

This request was not made in response to us asking what she would like to bring her on our PU Trip - it was out of the blue. I really do feel for her as I understand how difficult it can be when your husband is out of work. My dh was out of work for a couple of months due to surgery recovery time - it was very difficult financially.

Arrgh! More stress!

Love, Shelly

[becky]

You should inform your agency immediately!!

If your foster mother is financially stretched then that could mean that your child is not getting the appropriate nutrition or diapering.

Also, the agency should be aware that she is contacting families asking for money. That is not an appropriate form of contact.

You should stress that you do not want your daughter moved, but that you want to ensure that your child is receiving the formula and diapers that she needs each month!

[csw]

I agree with Becky..
I guess every agency is different..ours told us they get $400 a month per child..even though the average income in Guat is around $140 a month..that is why we were so upset..she had 2 foster babies..so $800 a month..then I was supplying all the formula and diapers and clothes on top of it..and she still wasn't getting fed..ugh...
I would see what your agency says..maybe the lawyer could check out the situation and see if its as bad as they are saying..

[my2guats]

I have expereince with this as I have ongoing contact with my daughters FM. Having travled in Guatemala in 05 on a misison trip I can't say enough about the severe poverty. It is nothing like the poverty we see here in the US. It's hard for us as Americans to relate to living conditions in other countries. I understand that Just because we are Americans doesn't mean that we are "rich." But....compared to how many other countries live (not including Eruope, Canada...) we are VERY rich. It's all relative. Our FM asked us for money over a year after our daughter came home. I know that it took a lot for her to ask us and I also know that she wouldn't have asked unless she truly needed it. We helped her the best we could as we are tight with money as well. This is a hard call to make and I know there are many different opinions out there on this topic. All I can say is we need to treat this issue with sensitivity and respect. I know for our family it did our heats good to share what God has blessed us with. If you can't help that's okay. But..please don't look at the issue as "does she really need the money." The need is great through out the country. I don't mean to offend, all of this is of course just my opinion.

[shellysarita]

I'm so torn right now. I would love to help out, but don't want to encourage her to come to us repeatedly. I don't mean this to sound heartless, but we have been rather involved with missions in Haiti over the years and I know they think Americans have an endless amount of money and should give handouts all the time. We are more than willing to help someone get a cottage industry going - it goes back to the whole "give them a fish and they eat for a day, teach them to fish and they eat for a lifetime." We are also involved in sponsoring children so they can get an education and good nutrition. I guess I don't want to encourage "begging." I truly am aware of the poverty that exists in the world and in Guatemala. But I also know that when my sister was a missionary in Haiti, she was told by long timers, that it was very important to always barter and get the price down. Ok - I really don't mean for this to be a debate.....


As for telling my agency, I was re-reading our contract this morning and any direct contact with the foster mom is prohibited. What's wierd though is I asked the foster mom for her email address through our agency rep/translator in Guatemala. If this was a problem, don'tyou think she would have said so then? The contract also states that any contact could result in our referral being pulled and all our fees non-refunded. Ouch! I don't really want to risk this!!!!!

I only emailed the foster mom once since our visit in November to wish her a Merry Christmas. I wasn't trying to get adoption related info out of her...

Shelly

[braedensmommy]

Hi, Shelly!
I would also be concerned about this request. Although my heart would of course go out to her, my main concern would be the baby and adequate care if the family is having financial problems. Also, will this be a one time thing or are you opening up a door?
Megan

[WesieMom]

I'm with Becky on this one! Although, I do feel compassion for "needs" and lack of things. I do feel like maybe your opening a door for future "needs". I feel as though maybe your agency should be aware as to check on the "needs" of your child. I would just take simple gifts for the Foster Family. I mean no disrespect to your FM, but there are people every where in this world that will take advantage of you if given the chance to. Just becareful. If it was me, I would be thinking, man, I am paying all this money for the adoption and now I need to buy 4 game boys, a video camera etc...I think that less is more, and buying all of them things is setting yourself up for them to as for more.

Good luck,
Lisa

[myguatbabes]

I am totally with Becky on this one. I think it is totally inappropriate for them to come to you for money. They are definitely crossing the boundaries. Remember this is their job, and while we totally appreciate the fact that they are caring for our children, it does NOT give them the right to expect that child's forever family to take care of their financial issues or "wish" lists for that matter. WOW!!!! I just can't believe that you have a more forward foster family than I did for my first adoption!! Good luck and God Bless.

Nancy