[LisaCA]

Originally Posted by melgrant

I would DEFINITELY read "Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft" if you are trying to decide this interesting issue. It may be the best book on adoption anywhere, at any price!

I'd like to second (or third ) the recommendation for this book. we ultimately decided that our lifestyle as it was wasn't conducive to adopting a toddler with possible attachment issues-dh traveled and I traveled, sometimes for 2 months or so. that has since changed (i'm now staying home), so we're considering toddler adoption down the road . not every toddler has attachment issues, it is important to consider all the possibilities.

[tj'smomma]

I agree with punkyboo-
we brought our son home just after he turned 2. Language was not a problem- he spoke very little spanish, and picked up english very quickly. ( we would like him to know both languages).
He had no attachment issues, and called us mommy and daddy in the first week home.He has adjusted beautifully.
He is however, a typical toddler, and throws the occasional tantrum! Just normal stuff for a toddler!!

[cr653]

what if you put in your dossier 0-30 months at referral?
then just let what happens "happen"?
just an idea.


cris....
who originally had a dossier different country for an infant.
switch to Guatemala for referral of Dairin a toddler, whom we lost,
updated dossier was made for 0-30 (or so) months at referral.
was given referral of newborn little girl...home at 4.5 months.

see...what happens...happens! leaving yourself open is kind of nice.


here is our little sweetie!

[jjuliejchad]

We adopted a 3 1/2 year old a little more than a month ago and I agree that you should read the "Weavers Craft - Toddler Adoption". It is very informative and pretty accurate. We have a son that is 8 years old so we did not want to adopt an infant (as the age difference would be too great). There are definitely benefits to both ages - baby and toddler. A toddler is a huge challenge, but if you have your heart set on a toddler it can be very rewarding. Our son has been a challenge, but after only a month he has truly become a member of our family. He plays with his brother and for us it was the right choice. The biggest challenges we have faced is the language barrier and the fact that he was rarely if ever disciplined. It has taken a lot of dedication, patience and energy to help him understand that we do have rules and that some behavior is not acceptable. Also, if you do not speak any spanish a toddler is tough. They say that you can communicate with gestures and that it is best to speak only english first so they learn english, but I found this almost impossible the first 2-3 weeks. I speak spanish and my sister is fluent which has helped immensely. Also, there is a free translation online that can help you too. Good luck!

Julie

[brink]

I would say go with what your heart says you can handle and are open to. We adopted a US newborn 15yrs ago, when our three bios were 3, 5, and 7. She was a busy toddler and child! When we felt we were ready for another adoption, she was 7. We said we were open to a child 2-5yrs, because we were past the age we thought it would be fair to bring home another infant and also didn't want too many years between. Our son came home at the age of 4yrs. No attachment issues, was speaking only English after two months, and is a terric 11yr old now. Our second son also came home at the age of 4yr, though both boys' referrals were as 2 1/2yr olds. Again, no attachment issues and he was speaking only English after 6mo. We never felt language issues were that difficult. In fact, we have great memories of some very comical conversations. We brought our new daughter home from Guatemala one yr ago at the age of ten. She also learned English in a few short months, though at her age, social language and language needed for academics is very different. I realize you aren't considering such an older child, but I share this to express my belief that kids can adapt well at any age, if they've had consistent love and care, as ours did in the same small, private orphanage in Guatemala...and if they come to a home where they are respected for their personalities, but challenged to be their best. From my vantage point, dealing with more complicated issues with a 10yr old girl, toddler adoption doesn't seem to hold many difficult concerns. I'm not trying to make light of things which will be frustrating and challenging. Toddlers will bring those moments into our lives. My advice is just to be certain you understand possible concerns, prepare yourself for those possibilities, but don't go into things expecting the worst. To be honest, I did little reading about attachment, but listened to our agency's advice on how to transition our child. We were blessed in that our kids didn't come with difficult issues...only typical childhood issues. As you can read on these forums, many of us have had very successful toddler/older child adoptions. I am always thrilled to hear of older kids finding families!

[Happy2Bhere]

I posted before-
My husband & I are also thinking of adopting a toddler.
Everyone tells us "Why go outside the US- we have toddlers in need of adoption here"
Where are they?
I have NO problem adopting in the us or outside of the us- my point is to adopt a child that wants a family, as badly as we want to adopt them.
Toddlers are awesome- we have a 2 1/2 year old- and are trying to adopt again, close to her age. Sure, they have issues- whether they were adopted at newborn or toddler age- toddler age has issues period. But, it's worth it :-)
GOOD LUCK!