[churchvillemom]

Hey, everybody.
I haven't been on the forum in a while, so forgive me if a similiar post has been made. But, I thought those of us who've completed an adoption could give a tip to those still in the process. What is the one thing you wish you'd known, or better understood, about the adoption process that could have made things go more smoothly?

So, I'll start. . . My tip is MAKE A VISIT TRIP BEFORE THE ADOPTION IS FINAL. If you do so, you can come home with an IR-3 versus an IR-4 VISA. We didn't make a visit trip because we didn't think there was a big difference between the types of Visa's and we thought we'd be saving $ by not visiting. BUT, readoption is mandatory if you come home on an IR-4 and, in our case, the cost for readoption fees alone is about the same cost as an airplane ticket to visit would have been. Also, at least in Virginia, it is difficult to get a SSN before readoption is completed if you came home on an IR-4. . . anyway, instead of going on and on, suffice it to say that, in hindsight, a visit trip would have been much easier and more pleasant than the paperwork we're wading through at this point.

But, of course, it was ALL worth it, every single second!

[iammonikasmom]

I wish we had visited. Don't get me wrong, I wish so bad now that I had snuggled and cuddled with our little ones. What I find now however, is lots of extra paperwork x2 to get things finalized here. Nancy

[Slatond10]

Silly things... Things I would have done to help after "gotcha - day":

(1) Bought batteries for all the toys prior to "pick-up." Sabrina did not like the car seat @ first and even small trips were a challenge in the first couple of weeks.

(2) Read all the instructions for everything ( formula, toys, medicines)

(3) BOUGHT READING GLASSES. The sleep deprivation plays havoc on the eyes and the print on the med bottles is TINY!

(4) Pre-cooked meals were a GOD-send!

(5) Let more people help me!!! :-) Do not try to be wonder-woman!!!

The most important thing is to love, bond and transition @ first and everything else need to be easy and stress free.

:-)

[jshuell]

Throughout the process I wish I would have kept a journal of my thoughts, ideas, comments from friends, etc. I'm working on Will's Lifebook right now (5 months after he got home) and I'm realizing those types of memories fade fast once you get him home.

Julie in VA
mom to Max (6) and Will (11 months)

[sharonl299]

I wish I had gotten my house completely clean and decluttered, stocked up on everything, cooked and frozen some meals and just been overall better prepared. I did not expect the complete level of exhaustion that I felt so when she slept I slept so nothing got done. It would have been smoother had I better prepared and not expected (incorrectly) to have the time once I was home not working to do these things.

[drjeanne]

I'm bumping this up because it's SO interesting for those of us waiting! Please keep the tips coming!

Thanks!
J

[jandsmom]

When given a time frame only pay attention to the later time and be happy if it is earlier. When we adoted my son Joseph they told us 4- 8 months I only heard the 4 and was upset when he wasn't home. He did come home at 5.5 months.

[Mary Mulcahy]

Having done this twice my advice is to
1) Take care of yourself (spouse) during the wait. Eat right, get sleep and really try to exercise. Its not easy carrying a 18 pound or more child around. If you wear yourself our before pick up you will be so tired its hard to deal with all the changes and emotions of the moment. Take your vitamins, traveling often gives folks the flu.
2) Ask for help when you get home with such things as meals, shopping and home care, so you can devote time to your little one. Rest, Rest and don't sweat the little things, your house will never be as clean as it was prior to kids.
3) Bring a list of questions to ask the foster mom or hogar nannies about your child, don't rely on your memory and write it down.
4) Make sure you have some one to take the vidoe and pictures so you have the memories.
ENJOY< ENJOY! The moment is so sweet.
Wishing a faster PGN to all the waiters,
Mary,mom to Danny and Ricco

[DesertMom]

1) Top off your gas tank before you leave for pick up. Sounds silly, but it's a little thing you'll be thankful for when you have a list of errands to get done and you still haven't figured out how to do them.

2) Assemble all the toys, highchairs, etc. before you leave for pickup. Some of them take almost an hour to put together and sometimes a piece is missing and you have to return it.

3) Make sure you've got the baby's medicine cabinet well stocked so that you're not desperate for a thermometer the first night back.

4) Have your house stocked with healthy food for your return. You likely will go long stretches without being able to eat a decent meal and you can't function on a handful of Doritos and Coke. Nuts, Powerbars, cheese and crackers are good to have around. That said, have one comfort food item too. We ate a lot of chicken pot pies.

5) Give yourself a break. I don't care how organized and together you were in your former life, you can't transition smoothly into being a first time mom without feeling overwhelmed and unprepared. Your baby doesn't care about your schedule or how you really need to go to the bathroom right now. Let it go.

6) Get ready to laugh! I never realized how funny babies were and how I'd crack up a hundred times a day. It's worth only being able to eat once a day.

[lwils89701]

I wish I had done more baby-proofing BEFORE the babies came home. Heck....I wish I knew more about baby proofing before they came home. I did a few of the basics and mistakenly believed that I would have plenty of time to continue to babyproof once they were home. After all, I had taken 6 weeks off work to stay at home with them.

I had no clue how little time I would actually have to work on little household projects and how mobile a infant can be even before they actually begin crawling.

My little girl would spot an outlet, scrunch around until she lined herself up and roll to the prize! Then she demonstrated how ineffectual those little plastic inserts were at protecting her. She had the dexterity and strength to remove them, and then they became a choking hazard. Never underestimate their determination....I couldn't get those things out of the outlets without a flat tool.

Get the child proof plates that screw in.

I learned the spring loaded baby gates I had bought, just didn't work one-handed (and trust me you will do things you never thought possible one-handed!) After a few months of fighting with them while trying to hold back children and dogs, I went shopping again. Of course, the new ones were a bit hard to install, because the babies were not to happy about watching from their highchairs any longer than it took to eat a biter bisquit.

I installed the plastic cabinet latches on cabinets where the dangerous stuff was stored...you know the kind of latch where the cabinet will only open an inch or so and then the adult has to push on the latch to get it to release door to fully open. I didn't bother with the cabinets that stored 'safe' items, like the extra toliet paper, plastic food containers or soda....WHAT was I thinking! Nothing makes my two happier than emptying a cabinet and unrolling TP paper!

Of course those little plastic latches didn't last a month. Even before he could walk, my son would give the cabinet doors a couple of good hard yanks and weaken or break the latches...voila! Access granted!

One word....Totlocks. Bless my pediatrician who recommended them.

I am still trying to keep one step ahead of them. Cords that were out of reach behind sturdy furniture are suddenly in reach as they gain the acrobatic skills and confidence to literally climb over furniture and dive off it head first, into any unexplored space, because they could see a cord down there.

My suggestion...If you aren't an experienced mom, bring one or two to your home and have them assess it for child dangers....and ask about the products which will work for the long haul....

[Slatond10]

Even if you are lucky and bring your child home at 3-5 months... do it before. Their mobility and exploration come very soon!!!Sooner than you would ever imagine.

I used the Totlocks... Highly recommended!!!
Unfortunately we had to use the plastic drawer pulls on some of the drawers because of the way they were made. They are pinching hazard and at 15 months old Sabrina has already figured out how to open them even with the plastic safety lock. She can get it open quicker than I can!

I also 2nd not just protecting the cabinets / drawers with chemicals but any others that you do not want explored. You will be shocked at the things they coming sauntering up to you with.

Yesterday Sabrina stayed with Nana ( she had a fever the day before@ daycare) and I dropped her off and Nana was still getting ready so she ran into her. Before I even got out the door she was running down the hall with Nana's douche ... She did this even with supervision. Like I said protect all cabinets you do not want explored !!!

Do everything you can to reduce the stress on you when you bring the baby home so you can FOCUS on the baby and let everything else go!

They grow up so fast! I heard that a million times but now I understand how true it is. Have camera's ready and even disposable ones laying all over the place to capture every special moment.... THEY GROW UP TOO FAST!

[kauai2k]

I'm involved in the process now and have some feedback from what I've experienced already.


1. Visit if/when you can. It's a priceless experience.
2. If your case is in full-swing during Christmas - just scratch most of December and january off your calendar - they don't count...
3. Don't ride the roller coast as much as you can. It is too draining, physcially/emotionally. You need to be healthy.
4. Don't forget about your spouse. They're in this with you, too.
5. Keep a journal.
6. Maintain relationships with your friends and family. You need them more than ever.

diane

[bjmom]

Don't overpack for either the visit or pickup trips. I always overpack and end up regretting it, especially when I'm toting those heavy, bulky bags. Your baby, especially if he/she is very young, doesn't need a bunch of toys on the visit or pickup trips. We took a playmat, and that was probably the best thing.

[TLWebb]

1. Once in Guatemala, realize there is such a thing as "Guatemalan Time." Expect delays and plan for them. Being a couple hours late is NOT a big deal.
2. Secure a reliable taxi driver and take a trip to Antigua. Allow enough time to sit in central park and "people watch."
3. Take an umbrella stroller! Even if you just stay in the hotel all week.

[DesertMom]

I wanted to add to check with your insurance to see what you need to do to add your child. Some companies will allow you to add your child before they come home, when you have the copy of the PGN decree or new BC. Your lawyer in GC can fax it to your agency.

Make the appointment to see the pediatrician when you come back before you leave. Our son was having problems with diarrhea when we came home and we franticially had to get run to human resources to get him enrolled and then find a pediatrician in the practice we were interested in who would see him on such short notice.