[lisamarie8]

Hi,
I have a family member who has cystic fibrosis and is interested in adopting. Her husband is healthy. Would they be approved to adopt from Guatemala?
Thanks

[becky]

She would have to have a doctor state that she is healthy, able to parent and has a normal life expectancy. As long as her doctors states that she will be able to adopt most likely.

[lisamarie8]

I don't think a Dr could state that someone with cystic fibrosis has a normal life expectancy.

[spaypets]

I too, was under the impression that living past their 30s was still fairly uncommon among those with CF.

I don't want to sound mean, but really, is it fair to bring a child into a family knowing full well that his/her mother will be dead before reaching adulthood? It is one thing when tragedy strikes from no where, but to deliberately subject a child to such a loss...I really have an ethical problem with that. I realize it's terribly unfair to tell someone they cannot be a parent, but, sadly, life is unfair.

[Bassette]

lisamarie8, welcome to the forum. I would be happy to communicate with you offlist should you need anything. Please don't hesitate to PM.

Spay I find your reply to be insensitive and yes it is mean. Is it really your position to point out who deserves to parent a child? I am not entirely healthy and it brings comfort to know that if something were to happen to me I would have left my husband with a son and my son with a father.

[dspakowsky]

I agree with FH Bassette. We don't know how long ANY of us will be on this Earth.

Lisamarie8 - I'd tell your friends to give it a try. I'm sure they've already overcome many obstacles in life and would be able to teach many life lesons to heir child. I just saw An Adoption Story on Discovery where a man was disabled and had many issues, but he and his wife adopted. Children deserve a loving home, and if your friends can provide that, that's what matters.

I may just need to stay off these message boards for a while. Lately, many posts are upseting to me

[spaypets]

Bassette, being unhealthy and having a disease that is virtually 100 percent fatal by age 40 are two different things.

I am not saying anyone doesn't _deserve_ to parent a child, I am saying that a child doesn't deserve a parent who _knows_ she will die before the child is an adult.

As I said, of course tragedies happen despite life's best laid plans, but I think it's wrong (and selfish) to volunteer a child for such losses.

[gdbe]

I understand where everyone above is coming from. The irony here, is if this were a single man, he could adopt, but because his wife is ill, they might not be able to. Would he then have to wait for his wife to pass to be able to adopt a child??

Gail

[chica_latina]

Spaypets: Ouch... that was a bit harsh.
Although I understand where you are coming from, I cannot agree with your position. Where do we draw the line? Who do we decide cannot have children. Those obese whose lifespans are also much shorter? Diabetics who have a much higher risk for heart disease/coronary artery disease/blindness/limb amputation?? Those with congenital heart defects, like myself, who can live long healthy lives or go into a deadly heart rhythm at any moment??

You need to be careful when you begin to decide who should and who should not have children.


Lisamarie8: If your family member was just a carrier, then it may not be a huge issue, but it sounds like your family member actually is suffering from the disease itself. In that case, perhaps it depends on how ill he/she is. Like Becky said, a doctor will decide on whether your family member is healthy enough to parent. And it also may depend on the adoption agency.

Good Luck!

[lisamarie8]

Hi,
She does have CF, but she works full-time and is very active.

No one knows how long she'll live. When she was a baby her parents were told 8yo. Then 12 yo. Then her 20's. She's 31 now and doing well. Her Dr even feels she would do fine through pregnancy and deliv, but that doesn't seem to be happening.

I can understand the opinion of not putting a child through the death of a parent, but no one knows what will happen to them. Should people with family histories of early cancer or serious heart disease not have kids because they have an increased risk of death at an early age?

[Amykk]

I'm a liver transplant recipient, so my doctors did not feel comfortable saying "normal" life expectancy. They really haven't been doing transplants long enough to know the impact on life expectancy. We worked around it in the letter to PGN - my doctor did not say anything that she was uncomfortable saying and my son is home now. My husband is healthy and like others have said he could have adopted on his own. I hope I'm around for a long time, but if not this little boy has an awesome Daddy as well as a lot of extended family who absolutely adore him.

[Lissa]

Originally Posted by chica_latina

Those obese whose lifespans are also much shorter? Diabetics who have a much higher risk for heart disease/coronary artery disease/blindness/limb amputation?? Those with congenital heart defects, like myself, who can live long healthy lives or go into a deadly heart rhythm at any moment??

Not trying to "rock the boat" just wanted to say: Obesity does not always mean a shorter lifespan. My aunt who was the same size as myself (who also had diabeties) lived to be 89 years old. I am a 315 pound diabetic who takes care of herself and who fully intends to not only meet her grandchildren, but her great granchildren as well.

[Bassette]

Here is something to consider. I have travelled around guatemala and seen things that will haunt me the rest of my life, all in respect to the plight of children. There is absolutely no state aid for families and children and only so many orphanages which are usually overpopulated with those fortunate enough to be taken in. We all know that boys are left waiting and waiting for families and alot of them are returned to their birthfamilies if an Adoptive family is not found. Children as young as 2-3 years old are turned out on the streets to fend for themselves. Many end up living at the dumps just hoping to score a couple bites of a rotten sandwich to sustain life. Kids murder kids over food, adults murder street kids because they are nuisance, many end up sniffing glue to distract from hunger frying their brains or accidentally killing themselves,....so much suffering. From my point of view, in respect to Guatemala, a life with a healthy father and terminally ill mother is a life far better than many of those children will have in their future. Yes I do think intentionally subjecting a child to the future loss of a parent is better than any of the situations I have described above. Many of these children have no future, unlike children in state run orphanages here in the US.

I volunteered at an orphanage that was way out in the country on one of my trips and I passed a dead child lying on the road enroute. With my limited english I tried to get the driver to stop but he refused explaining "no food", "no family",, "dead"....meaning that the child had probably died from starvation and there was nothing to be done. That is one of many haunting experiences. I have no doubt that child would have been far better if he had been placed for adoption and experienced the loss of one AP.

Just my opinion of course and I do understand the concerns of subjecting a child to the probable death of an adoptive parent. However I am weighing the pros and cons of Guatemalan adoption which leads me to my personal belief.

[csw]

If Diabetes is well controlled there is no higher risk for any of those things than anyone else would have..

[chica_latina]

Lissa: You are more than welcome to pm me if you have concerns with my post. That way, we do not unfairly change the subject.
Let me answer your concerns and clarify what I wrote:
(And please realize that I am a nurse and see both ends of the spectrum: Those who have a crippling disease and live a very long happy life, and those who die young after struggling miserably.)

I did not say that all obese individuals have a shorter lifespan. I said:

"Those obese whose lifespans are also much shorter? = Which means I was referring to those individuals who are moribidly obese.

I did not say that all those individuals who suffer from diabetes will have a shortened lifes span. I said:
"Diabetics who have a much higher risk for heart disease/coronary artery disease/blindness/limb amputation??" = which means that diabetes increases the risk for CV disease, blindness, and neuropathy. Thus, it very possibly could lead to a shorter lifespan.

My point is that we must be careful when we begin to say who should and who should not have children. A person may be perfectly healthy and die very suddenly from a fast growing cancer. And you may have a very crippling disease, but offer all the love and care that a child needs.

Also, as I stated, I have a congenital heart defect, and I am adopting. I plan, just as you said, to be around for many years and see my great-grandchildren.

Please let's not veer from the subject. By no means am I targeting anybody. I have included myself as one of those who some might think should not adopt. In fact, I was rejected when we tried to adopt from China.