[SingleMiamiMom]

So, when I first decided to adopt, I discussed this with my family and they were very supportive. I am single, and yes I know it would be great if I had a husband that would help me...but being I'm 37 and still not married (I wasted time in the WRONG relationships) I decided I can go it alone..I make a great salary, so financially, it would not be a burden.
Today, out of nowhere, my parents tell me to wait...at least 3 more years..and if I don't get married by 40...then to try for adoption.
This was a total blow...I can raise the child and if in the future I meet a man, then great. But if I don't, why should I deprive myself of a child?
My grandmother raised 5 kids on her own because she was widowed very young.......Yet I don't get their support for raising ONE child on my own..?

Just kinda venting...but if you have any advice, I'd like to hear it...

[Romans828]

I am sorry for you. There are many single parents in this group who are great parents and I am sure you will get a lot of encouragement from them too! I think you just have to follow your heart. Once you have your sweet child home all of your family will fall in love and eat their words!!!

[Disneycrazed]

Have you told them what you just told us? Try it. It may be hard for them to understand but if you keep talking about it and letting them know how you feel they may be more understanding and supportive. Let them know that you really need their support right now since this is a big event and you need them to be a part of it.
Good luck. There is also a singles thread that you may want to post on.I'm sure they could be very helpful.

[jnancynancy]

Well now that is just silly. Why can't you adopt and find a relationship?

Hang in there and maybe you will find their support again.

[lisam951]

I know you would prefer that you had their support, but you are 37 and I would continue with the adoption plans. You are old enough to decide what you want in life. I bet when they meet your child, they will be glad you didn't wait.

[linda512]

How long ago did you tell your family? It can take time for them to catch up with your plans. I tried to get pregnant before adopting, and told my parents at that point. I am also single. It took them a while to come to terms with it. My mother really struggled with the fact that I might not get married. I really think she was worried for me and had my best interests at heart. I also think she and my father were worried about what other people might think. Once they told some of their friends, who were supportive, it was easier for them.
You have probably been thinking about this for a while and they have less time to think about it. I think most families come around in time, especially once there is a referral and a person to put with the concept. I would give them some time, but be assertive that this what you want for you.
Good luck.

[msaguilar]

I'm sorry to hear your family ishaving a change of opinion
Did they specify why the sudden change of heart? I'm just wondering if maybe they talked about all the paperwork and craziness that you must be dealing with for the application, homestudy and dossier, and maybe they thought it would be in your best interests to wait for marriage when you'd maybe have a bio child and/or even just to have someone to share the emotional craziness that comes with the adoption process (which, of course, is all totally worth it times a million, when you have your child;-).
The paperwork CAN be so daunting not to mention felling like your privacy is invaded - background checks, SW homestudy visits, health history....)
Adoption is an emotionally painful yet exhillerating process to go through and all of us, here on the Forum, are there to be your support if you need it. But I think if you have a good, long talk with your parents, explaining your need and desire for a child now, rather than later, they might listen.
Perhaps explaining that you want to enjoy the dating process, rather than having to worry about (on top of everything else!) whether your date is interested in having kids at all, and having them soon, if they're interested in adoption if the bio process doesn't work out.
I apologize - I don't mean to sound like I know your family, or you, of course, but I know what an unsupportive family member can be like when you're going through the adoption process and one is tough enough! It sounds like your parents love you so much that they want you to have the love and support every daughter deserves while she's having her first baby :-)
I don't know if this helps or not, but....
Maggie

[SingleMiamiMom]

I can't have a bio child...I had a total hysterectomy 2 years ago....
As for the paperwork, I haven't even started, just gathering info and screening different agencies. And when the paperwork does start, they can't help me with that because they only speak/read italian. They don't even have to concern themselves with that aspect.
I just put in for my US citizenship last month,so I can't start the paperwork till sometime this summer/fall.
But I did buy a home close to my parents so they could help me and so they can be close to their grandchild.

I will probably go with an au pair though this way I won't have to bother them with assisting me. Yes, they'll want to once they see my child..but I won't forget the fact that when I needed their support the most, it wasn't there..and I had to go it alone, with only my closest friends giving me support.

It just upsets me how they can be behind me one moment..and perhaps now they see how serious I am about it..and they're getting the mail with adoption packets at home and see this is really GOING TO HAPPEN...that it freaked them out.

Regardless, it's their issue. I may have to go it alone...but it just proves to me how much I want this.

[linda512]

Are they really not supporting you or just questioning you? I hope that with time they will come around. If not, I am sorry.

[KellyMigoya]

Stay strong, surround yourself with others who do support you and don't let anyone else determine your dreams or your future, no matter who they are.

[SingleMiamiMom]

Originally Posted by linda512

Are they really not supporting you or just questioning you? I hope that with time they will come around. If not, I am sorry.

I think it's a combination of not supporting me and control issues. I sold my 1 bedroom condo recently to upgrade to a 3 bedroom house so my baby will have her own room and a room for the au pair....so I am living with them for a few months until I close on my new home. I haven't lived at home for 15 years and now I remember why I moved out.

They say wait 3 years..because they don't want to blurt out DON'T DO IT. I guess this is a good learning experience, I'll know how NOT to act when my daughter needs my support the most.

[Maggie Beth]

A number of us know a woman who began the adoption process and then ended up getting married the same month her child came home from Guatemala. You never know what will happen! Plus, if you find the right guy, he will have to be the right one for both you and your child. We are behind you 100%!

[SingleMiamiMom]

Originally Posted by Maggie Beth

A number of us know a woman who began the adoption process and then ended up getting married the same month her child came home from Guatemala. You never know what will happen! Plus, if you find the right guy, he will have to be the right one for both you and your child. We are behind you 100%!

LOL, maybe my daugher to be will bring me luck in finding a good man...won't that be ironic? My parents are traditional with the flawed perception that no one will marry me if I have a kid....lol...it's kinda comical because they think they're still living in Italy in the 1950's...not realizing how common it is that men DO marry women with children.
But I thank all of you for your support..I feel so much better posting about it....

[Corolla]

If you feel ready...then you are ready. Don't let your parents sway your desire. There is a child that is waiting for you.

I'm also single. I didn't have the situation that you have. My mom has been wishing for me to have a child whether I was married or not. When I did start the process, I wanted my parents to know this was my child and my responsibility. I wasn't expecting them to help with child care though I hoped they would if they wanted to. Your parents my be feeling that their lives may change by having the obligation for child care, being tied down and financially. It sounds like you just need to let them know this is your child and you will raise the child. You only need your family for emotional support. The dream of a wonderful marriage with children is hard to let go of for parents. Keep that in mind. Continue talking to them.

[annaguat]

It will take some time to get US citizenship and get started on your adoption. Maybe by that time they are more supportive. Also it is nice to have their support but you do not have to have their permission or approval. Many of us face relatives and friends opposed to adopting. It doesn't sound like they are opposed but want you to wait. The process of getting citizenship and applying to adopt all take a long time possibly years. So if you want to adopt at 40 it is good time to start. Maybe you can explain that to them. I think you will find a lot of support here. anna