[kuipo23]

I'm looking for some advice. I am trying to decide whether to change my daughter's name. Her name is unusual, but pretty. It actually sounds portuguese--Brisseyda. She has had it for a year now and I'm wondering if I should actually change it. She may be about 13 mos. by the time she gets home. Has anyone adopted an older child that can give any advice. I like her name but I wonder if it will be difficult for her at school etc. I live in a fairly diverse community.

Thanks.

[jnancynancy]

I am not in your situation, but have kept an unusual birth name for our daughter. I have older children 10,12&13 and they have friends with all types of names

Canyon,
Jade (boy)
Jade (girl)
Eunice
Bogden
Esther
Geordanne
Jokiam


It just hasn't been an issue with these kids. It is just their name.

Our daugher is Sol Ana which isn't your garden variety name either.

You could call her Bri for short?

[NJRach]

I love that name! You should keep it. Especially since you live in a diverse area, when Birsseyda goes to school, other children will be accustomed to hearing all sorts of different names.

If you lived in an area where the children are all named Emily and Michael, all American, then I'd change it. We lived down south for a few years and a name like would Brisseyda would have stood out. Then she'd feel self-conscious, or have to explain her name to everyone every time someone does a roll call.

You could give her a nickname, maybe Brianne or something. But I vote for keeping the name. By the way, our daughter's name is Belsi, and we're keeping it when she arrives.

[NJRach]

Oh my gosh! Excuse my typos above. It's 7 am and I haven't had my coffee yet...

[~amy~]

I like the idea of using a shorter form of Brisseyda, like Bree or Sadie, if she wants a less unusual name. However, not changing the name gives her the choice of what to go by later.

[brink]

I think it sounds very pretty. I think if you like it and want to keep it for her, then do. You'll have to be ready to accept that people will spell and pronounce it wrong. If that is really going to bother you, you might want to make some other choices. You could use it for her middle name, too.

It is really a personal choice. We changed all of our children's names because they were unusual, we live in a small, rural community, and to be honest...I just did not want my children named those names. Our kids were 4yrs, 4yrs, and 10yrs when they came home. They all like their new names and quickly accepted them. We are keeping our daughter's "given" name as one of her middle names, though it was given to her by the orphanage staff. She doesn't like her actual given name, though I would love to use that. I feel I have to change the spelling of her name, since even our extended family got confused how to say it. I am one who does not like to hear a name mispronounced when I like the pronuciation we chose.

I had a woman comment that SHE would have kept our daughter's name, not making her change it...because SHE would hate to have the name she gave her child changed by someone else (if she placed her child for adoption). Of course, she didn't catch that our daughter had been called another name, not her given name for these 10yrs. But my thought is, precisely...she got to name her child, and I very much treasure that privelege also...naming my child. Just my feelings on it.

[Shoshana]

I think Brisseyda is a beautiful name.

I had a name picked out for my daughter (Shoshana - it has become my alter ego instead) and then I received the referral and learned the name given to her by her birth mother. When I saw the social worker report with the other family members' names, I knew it was a special name and decided to keep it. I must say that I do not care for names that are common or popular so that probably made the decision easier.

Arguably, Xiomara (see-oh-MAHTA) is more difficult for English speakers than Brisseyda. I do take my time when pronouncing it for the first time to new people. The nickname is Xiomy (see-OH-me) and that's pretty easy. If all else fails, anyone can pronounce Xio unless they're trying to be difficult. I've only had one bad experience in two years -- a school teacher made fun of her name at a birthday party for the school teacher's Guatemalan niece, "see ya tomorrow." I wanted to smack her.

I realize it will be tiresome perhaps when Xiomara reaches school age; although I have noticed that small children are the most able to pronounce her name with ease. To me, it was more important to keep what I felt was a beautiful, meaningful name and a gift from her birth mother than to worry about it not being "mainstream" English. How important are mainstream names anymore? The name fits my daughter perfectly and I am so grateful I chose to keep it.

It might be helpful to ask people in Guatemala if there is a "standard" nickname for Brisseyda...

Best wishes!

Edited to add:

P.S. Even Xiomara's 82 and 73 year old grandparents can pronounce her name.

Also, My name is pretty common -- Elizabeth Ann. I can't tell you how many different things people called me as a child (Annie Lou, Lizzie Ann, Lizard, Annie, Lizzie, well, you get it). If people are going to butcher a name, or not pay attention to what the child/parent prefers, then they will. ANY name, now matter how common, how simple, can be altered and/or butchered.

[SydneyRN]

We're changing the name of the one year old that we're adopting. Her given name is perfectly fine but it's the name of my mother-in-law (they even share the same middle initial) and we thought that was kind of creepy. Especially because in many ways she's not someone we want our children to emulate. We picked out a new name for her and the agency has informed the foster mom so that they can start calling her by that. She's almost 13 months old right now. I think they were going to start with "New Name-Old Name" and then drop "Old-Name".

[ToulouG]

Our daughter was 13 months when she came home, and we did change her name. We knew before we even got the referral that we wanted to name our daughter Malena Elizabeth. We did try to get the foster mom to call her Malena, but she always called her by birth name---which was very beautiful---Naydelyn. I thought it would always get confused with Madeline.

She has no memory of anything other than Malena, and she did not seem to have any trouble with our changing it at that age. I agree that it is a personal choice and your daughter's birth name is really beautiful. Just go with instinct and you can't go wrong.

Grace

[Devora]

You might also want to find out if that's the name she's actually called. In Guatemala it's common to call children by their middle name (although this seems a bit more common for boys). Also, nicknames are used far more than they are in most communities in the US. So she may be used to being called something completely different from either her first or middle name!

Our experience was: prior to finding out what we were going to name him, our son's foster family called him bythe diminutive form of his middle name (which we did keep) or by the nickname Pinito (little pine tree). After we met them they asked about his name and we told them what it would be. We did see them use the name we had chosen, but it still seemed to be Pinito most of the time. We still call him Pinito some times -- very fitting given how he's growing!

I do think it's a beautiful name and I probably wouldn't change it, but that's a personal choice.

Best wishes,
Stephanie

[linda512]

I am planning to change my son's name when he comes home. His given name was Waymer and I thought that would be really tough in the US. I told the foster mother what I was going to call him and she is using that name now. I later found out the agency had given him his name, so I felt better about changing it.
I think a 1 year old should be able to adapt to a new name pretty easily. Whether she will be upset by the change later is another story. I have no real advice. I think the fact that you are thinking about it and researching it, shows how much you love her already.

[ncmom24]

We changed our almost 2 year old sons name and he adjusted almost immediately. We kept his first name for his middle name. He really did not seem at all confused by the name change and we did call him both names for the first few weeks and then just the new name.

Good luck.

[Ktates]

We changed out 14 month old daughter's name. We called her both names at first but within a week she was responding before I even got the second name, her orphanage nickname, out of my mouth. So if that's what you want to do - you shouldn't have too much of an issue with the child responding...

[drmalcolm]

Hi there kuipo23 and others,
I'm dropping in from the China Forum, as the name changing is a pretty standard practice with children from China. Most children come home from China in the 10- 20-something month range, and it seems that the parents who choose to change their children's names notice very few adjustment problems. Many keep the child's given name or nickname from her care-giver as her middle name, then choose a new name for her first name.

That said, with our adoptive children from China, they were named by their orphanage instead of by their families, so the names don't really have the same meaning as when they are given from a parent, as with children from Guatemala.

Grace has a great point about instinct--it's rarely wrong, and when it is, at least you can say that you did what you thought was the best choice.

Good luck,
Christina

[spaypets]

My DD was older--18 months when she came home from India (where she'd been in an orphanage). We did change her name and she adjusted almost instantly. We had written the orphanage and asked them to use the name we'd chosen. I have no evidence, however that they did, but they might have, given the fact that she really took to her new name. We also do not know if her birth family named her or if the orphanage named her.

We talk about her Indian name and she knows what it is. It just wouldn't have worked very well in the US and it was awkward to say with our last name.

If she'd been closer to 2 or if she reacted badly to the change we would have reconsidered our decision.