[resabelle]

I think those feelings are natural and I have certainly felt them.

But... for me, it is not even the jealousy of other's pregnancies, but even their adoptions. I know that we will probably stop with the two precious children we have but the pang of wanting one more is still there. It does not bother me at all whether I get pregnant or not, I just ache to have another child. I would have to start from square one on the adoption route and I am just not emotionally prepared for that.

That being said, it does get easier. My life is so complete with my husband and children. I feel tremendous contentment that God answered my prayer for children and not just any children...

Amanda and Dylan....

hang in there, it gets easier.

[csw]

Took me years and years and years to not be jealous..now I am happy to say I am genuinlly happy for all that are pregnant..maybe a tinge of jealousy..I lost 7 pregnancies and had 4 failed IVF attempts with 26 embryo's..so it was a hard road..
Then 2 tough adoptions..then when life finally seems to get better..our daughter had a vaccine reaction last year (they gave her 3 flu shots in an 8 week period) and she was being ruled out for regressive autism..after 1 year of ST and 6 months of detox she is doing much better..

It takes time..once your daughter is home maybe you will feel differently..

[guatmom4113]

I was your age when my dh and I first tried to get pregnant. We tried for years and then found out my dh was sterile. It was a relief in a couple of different ways. All the while my younger sister kept having babies one right after the other (4 total). I cannot tell you how painful this was and how insensitve she was. She seemed to gloat in the fact she had one up on me--her older sister. She bragged a lot about everything I could not.

After we adopted, I still could not walk down the baby aisle at the grocery store. Our son was a toddler, and I would never experience that aisle in its entirety. I only would grab the diapers off the shelf. I did, however, no longer wish to have a baby grow inside of me. I felt blessed more than that--beyond that. I still feel that way today. Your baby will heal your heart and broaden your life. I do believe.

P.S. As far as the baby aisle, I can walk down it. (I just don't look at anything.)

[tinaedmond]

I have been there, felt that. Had a horrible time after attending two cousin's baby showers, and went into depressions after each one. I wanted to feel happy for pregnant women but couldn't. As for my history, I have experienced two miscarriages and was diagnosed with a uterine anomaly in '02 that has been surgically corrected and we've been given the green light but now I'm on clomid after 6 months of trying with no luck. I'm 34.

I do have to agree that it's been easier to see pregnant women or learn about pregnant friends/relatives ever since our daughter's been home. She is the ultimate light of our lives!

Personally, I wonder if the reason this is so difficult and why we struggle with the jealousy/sorrow/etc. is that pregnancy is such an intergral part of being a woman. And because of that, it just is so difficult to face having to go through treatments, or finding out you can't have a bio child. You grow up basically taking it for granted you'll be able to have a family when you're ready to have a family. And it just doesn't always work out that way.

The funny thing is that I feel very similiarly to winniepooh. I do wish I could have carried our daughter, and given birth to her, but I wouldn't change who she is for anything. She is absolutely perfect.

I do think your feelings are completely normal, and I wish you comfort and peace. I know a lot of women here on the Forums know exactly how you're feeling, me included.

Tina

[DesertMom]

I have had my son for three weeks now. I went to Babies R Us shortly after we got home and was shocked that I felt jealous and angry at the pregnant women I saw there. I had my son! I guess it still doesn't feel permanent to me after all the years of trying to conceive. I'm still so afraid that something is going to happen and he is going to be taken from me in some way. Maybe once we are more settled in those feelings will go away.

When we were still in PGN I was in the Hallmark store shopping for his first Christmas ornament and a woman was in there with her baby and the clerk commented on how cute he was. The mother said, "I didn't really want him but what are you going to do?"! I was so angry I sat in my car and cried. Why didn't she place him for adoption? What kind of life was that poor little boy going to have with a woman who didn't want him and would TELL people that?

So much about infertility hurts. For me I felt defective and wondered if it was a sign that I shouldn't be a parent. Now my son is home and I'm doing a good job. I love him more than I knew I was capable of loving. I think that is going to help me heal. I hope you will be ok too.

[mary594]

I too felt that way for many years. When my friends would get pregnant I would act so excited and go to the babyshowers with a big smile on my face but inside was was very bitter. When I was going thru fertility treatments 2 of my friends got pregnant 2 weeks from each other. I know they felt really bad especially since I kept having failed attemts. When I finally had to give it up, that is when I went on the adoption path. Once I received my referral all jealousy went out the window. I got my daughters referral in May they both had their babies in June. I thought I would be jealous of their infants since I would not experience a newborn but after seeing their exhaustion and babies that cried all the time I realized I was happy I was doing it this way.

another thing I am not sure if people think like I do, when you have your own bio child that child is yours it came from you it may or may not have your characteristics. You know that child is yours and only yours. When you adopt the child is yours but there is a piece of that child out their. Their looks, personality belongs to someone else. When that child grows up you wonder if they are going to want to search for their bio parents. When you have a bio child there is no searching. I think out of being normal people want apiece of them and it is not to say they don't love their adopted child. I love Juliet more than anyone in this world, but what I think I am saying is when you see a pregnant woman if it bothers you this may be the reason.

It was a shear blessing that I did not get pregnant and I thank God everyday that I didn't, for many reasons but the most important is that I would not have my Juliet.

Mary

[HileryS]

Wow! I really appreciate this thread and all the encouraging words everyone has given to me and anyone like me. It is so wonderful to know others feel like I do.

I hope with time and with getting my DD that I will feel better. I know I would not change having her for getting pregnant. I am completely in love with her.

I think a part of my feelings comes because I was diagnosed with severe endometriosis and had surgery (december) to remove it and now the Dr thinks we might be able to get pregnant. I think I was more calm and at peace when I believed we would never have bio children. Now the unknown of when and if is back and it is hard.

Thank you everyone,
Hilery

[Maggie Beth]

Originally Posted by HileryS

I think a part of my feelings comes because I was diagnosed with severe endometriosis and had surgery (december) to remove it and now the Dr thinks we might be able to get pregnant. I think I was more calm and at peace when I believed we would never have bio children. Now the unknown of when and if is back and it is hard.

Thank you everyone,
Hilery

I understand what you mean. I was actually pregnant last year at this time (even though we had already started our second adoption)... I had also experienced endometriosis and was able to get pregnant after that was removed... almost exactly a year ago I that pregnancy ended because of an ectopic pregnancy... I was very depressed (+ we were in PGN for 75 days at the same time).

I have to say that since my daughter has been home, I am much more at peace. I always wanted 2 children and now that they are both here, I can't imagine doing anything differently!

I am praying for you and hope your daughter is home soon!!!

[kady2004]

I am reminded of that song "you are always on my mind" because that's how I feel. Truth be told I think we are done, happily blessed with two gorgeous kids, and pretty sure we are done with our family building. But jealous, oh yeah, not of the bio babies but of the experience of a pregnancy and all that entails, we have been pregnant twice so I know that pure excitement and joy, but I also know the pain and frustration of not being able to carry a pregnancy full term. Its been 6 years of pregnancy, adoptions and infertility. Its been a looooong 6 years. That being said, I truly wouldn't change a thing about my life, I am who I am because of how I got here... my kids rock, my husband rocks and life is pretty good right now. Although part of what Mary wrote rings true too,
"...Their looks, personality belongs to someone else. When that child grows up you wonder if they are going to want to search for their bio parents. When you have a bio child there is no searching. I think out of being normal people want apiece of them and it is not to say they don't love their adopted child".
ahhhh life! I am sure the intensity of your feelings will fade, a little when your baby(s) come home but then a little more as you move on with your life, but maybe it will never truly go away, maybe it will always be a distant feeling, idea, desire.....
Good luck

[JLStoltzie]

Hilery,

You are NOT weird and the feeling will pass. I know they say some people long for it forever, but I don't think so. Once you have your daughter home and you are OFFICIALLY a mommy, you will be shocked by all the feelings that will come over. Overwhelming love and protection, happiness and completeness. You will be able to be happy for them because you will be shining and exploding yourself. The moment I held my daughter I knew in my heart this was just as good, and BETTER!!! (to me )

Jenny

[AMEN]

Originally Posted by HileryS

...and now the Dr thinks we might be able to get pregnant. I think I was more calm and at peace when I believed we would never have bio children. Now the unknown of when and if is back and it is hard.

Bingo.

I think this is the hardest part for us too...knowing that they have not found a reason why we can't conceive and being encouraged by our doctors that it's "still very possible" and "puzzling" why it just never happened in the first place.

So it's always in the back of my mind...even now during our second adoption.

[Anne22]

I'm 44 and have never been pregnant and even though my son is now home, it's still kinda hard to be with my many friends who are now pregnant. I so wanted to bear children. It's a loss that I'll never have that experience. For years, I was single, so I actively tried NOT to get pregnant. And, then I was married, and we weren't able to get pregnant and then, the marriage soured big time and again, I actively tried not to get pregnant because I didn't want to bring a child into that marriage. And, now I'm single again and chose to adopt rather than to try artificial insemination, etc. because of my age and fears about birth defects, etc.

I will say that although the loss hurts now and again, having Gabriel home puts it into perspective. Although I have missed out on being pregnant and giving birth, how amazing that because of adoption, I don't have to miss out on being a Mom.