[BebitosMama]

Originally Posted by jnancynancy

Sol Ana's foster Mom and I had a deal (her idea)...we decided not to cry infront of eachother because we knew we were good mothers to Sol and she would be happy with either of us. She didn't cry when she dropped off Sol for our visit....I didn't cry when I dropped her back off at the end.

It may sound silly, but in someway I feel like we had a mutual respect and a connection though this little deal.

This sounds like a real soul connection you had with Sol's foster mom. I love it!!!

[bekalynn]

I just have to echo everyone else's sentiment here...

We met our son's foster mother and foster sister. I got to see first hand how loved he was (and still is!) by these amazing women.
When we visited, our foster mother picked him up and she had tears in her eyes she missed him so much!

Then on our pick up trip, I could see how much she wanted to cry, her eyes were read and there were tears swimming in them. She did not let one tear shed. I know, in my heart, that she did not want our boy (at that moment, he was definitely hers and mine, because our shared love for this little soul was and is so fierce!) to see her cry! She wanted him to see her happy!

It also gave me so much peace to meet them and see who had taken care of and loved him when I could not. It is a gift to meet the foster family, in my honest and humble opinion.

[lazycactus]

When the foster mother left our hotel room (and our son) on our visit trip, she was a little teary-eyed, but when she left him on the pickup trip she did great (still teary-eyed but discrete). Our son said good-bye to her like "I'll see you later" but never really "missed" her (and he stayed with her for 8 months) -- he really missed her 6-year old nephew though who lived under the same roof with his mother (the foster mother's sister), so it all depends I guess.

One great thing about meeting the foster mother: you get to ask all the questions you want about your child: has he been sick, does he it well, etc., etc. Plus make sure to get a picture of all of you together: it will help your child with her/his transition.

[alyssa&avery]

I haven't had a chance to read all of the posts here, so please forgive me if I repeat anything.

When I picked up our daughter she was brought to me by the attorney and a nanny from the hogar. She had not been placed with a foster family, so she was brought to us by our attorney and a nanny from the hogar. I got zero information about her likes, dislikes, schedule, routine or personality. They basically handed her to me and I was on my own.

When we picked up our son we were able to meet the wonderful foster family that he was with. I got invaluable information about his schedule, his likes, dislikes, personality and routine. I also got to witness first hand the amount of love that this family had for my son. It was extremely painful to watch them say good-bye to him, but it was also very moving.

Before I could ask, his foster mom asked if we would keep in contact and let them know how Avery was doing and also send pictures from time to time. Of all the foster children that they cared for only one family had kept in contact and she stated that the hardest part for her was not knowing what became of "her" babies. I think that meeting the adoptive parents and seeing the love that we have for our babies is very reassuring to the foster families.

We have kept our promise and keep in regular contact with Avery's foster family and send pictures often. They have even become Alyssa's honorary foster family. Recently, she told me how moving it was for them to see us receive our son and she could see that we were the family that Avery was meant to have. That means so much to me.

Also, as our children grow they will have a tangible relationship with someone from their birth country. I hope that when they are older to take them back to Guatemala to meet this wonderful family.

As hard as it might be, I would strongly urge you to meet the foster family. Yes, there were tears, but I wouldn't trade those memories for anything!

[buckeye1]

I just want to put another plug in for meeting the foster family. Our daughter's case was during the Hague and we made several trips to Guatemala to visit her. Because of that, we had the pleasure of meeting her foster mom and foster sister 4X. It was one of the few blessings of being held up for months and months. We got to know them and absolutely love them. Our daughter was nearly 9 months old when we finally got to bring her home... even though she was the 13th child our foster mom had fostered, she had been with her the longest. And yes, our foster mom sobbed uncontrolably when she left her with us. But it was so clear how much our daughter was loved. We stayed in touch with the foster family and sent emails, pictures, letters and occassional gifts after coming home. They sent us beautiful cards and letters and always remembered birthdays and holidays. Almost a year ago, as we were awaiting INS clearance for our second adoption, we found out the foster mom had a new baby boy in her care. The foster mom (who knew we were were starting our paperwork) told our agency director that she believed that baby was meant to be with our family. Because we have a wonderful agency director, we were given the opportunity to adopt him! My son has been home since June and just celebrated his first birthday. The foster mom was right... he is a perfect fit for our family and we couldn't love him more ;-) I'm sorry this is so long. Just wanted to say that we wouldn't trade our foster family for anything in the world. I hope you are equally as blessed to meet yours and have an ongoing relationship with them too!

[lmvsmom]

Oh, please don't deny this woman the opportunity for closure! WE need to see how much our children have been loved and cared for, and THEY need to see that child being received into arms that will love and care for them! Yes, it's hard, but it will be bittersweet for you both.

Originally Posted by Foradoption

I was wondering, when you go pick you your new little one, if you have to meet the foster mother? Is this who gives you the child? My concern is we have a friend who received her daughter from the foster mother and had a very, very hard time afterwards because she kept remembering the pain in the foster mother's eyes when giving over the little .

Rach

[Hannahsmommy]

I would highly recommend seeing and meeting the foster mother if at all possible! It can be very reassuring to see how your child is held and cared for in person. I have to say that after meeting my son's foster family on our visit trip I never worried again about my son!

We took pictures of the two of us on the visit trip and when I got home my friends said "you two even LOOK alike!" We had the same smile and were about the same size and had about the same hair color. More than one person said this and I have to say I agreed with them. Many even said we look like sisters! What was truly the same for us was that we both loved that beautiful little boy!

Good luck with your decision, you will choose what's right for you I'm sure...

Love,

[Theslaws]

Meeting the foster mother was a huge comfort for us. She was wonderful and clearly loves the babies she cares for.! We were able to go home with a sense of peace that eventhough Mia was not with us she was with someone who loves her and will take the best care possible of her!!! It helps us sleep so much better at night!!!

[Anne22]

Gotta chime in here. I cannot imagine going through this process without meeting and then getting to know Gabriel's foster family. I met them at the visit trip and was so happy that I did. They were so warm and welcoming. As others have said, I could tell right away how much they loved Gabriel and when I returned to the States, I could comfort myself with the knowledge that they were taking amazing care of him. I lucked out because Gabriel's foster Mom has e-mail access so she and I were able to correspond on a weekly basis about how Gabriel was doing. That contact was a life-saver!

On the pick-up trip I spent a lot of time with the foster family. We all went to Antigua for the day and, about a week later, about two days before I left Guatemala, I took them all out to dinner. While seeing them one last time at the dinner was hard on all of us, I'm so glad we did it! By that time, my cousin was with me and it was so cool to have someone from my family meet the foster family. She and the foster Mom's adult daughter exchanged e-mails and plan to keep in touch!

It's hard to describe in this e-mail, but I felt that I owed it to myself AND to my son to get to know the wonderful family who cared for him for the first 5 and 1/2 months of his life. Now, when he asks about his first months on earth, I have something concrete to say to him and photos and correspondence to share with him.

I have already started sending the foster family updated photos and plan to continue doing so as Gabriel grows up. I also very much hope to go back to Guatemala with him to visit with the family. I so hope that the foster family and I will be able to keep up our relationship enough so that Gabriel will get to know them and be able to remain connected to his birth culture and country through them.

[Mamarama]

I would want to thank her in person and give her the gift of seeing that the child she has cared for and loved for months is going to a loving family.

Yes, she will probably cry. But you can be there to give her a hug. And then you can share the story of your loving interaction later with your child.

[marie2005]

From most people I've talked to, it seems it is typical for the FM to come with the baby. You could ask if you'd prefer not to. I will tell you, though, that the "experts" say that the transition (whether it be a visit or pickup) happens best if it is the foster mom giving the baby to you. It shows that she is giving permission (so to speak) for the child to go to the new parents. It gives some closure to the child. As hard as it is on everyone, I think it is for the best. I was upset that our FM did not tell her own children that we were picking up Kimberly, and she was not coming back home to them. She said it would upset them too much to say goodbye. Hmmm, never mind they all need closure and need to say goodbye to each other. I wonder if she even told Kimberly she was coming with me forever.