[marie2005]

Let's say someone is in the referral stage. They discuss a particular child with their agency and tell them verbally they want to accept the referral. Then the agency e-mails them a committment letter. This letter basically says this child is available to them and they have 4 days to accept/decine the referral and once they decide the agency must receive the committment fees within 24 hours.

First question, do you consider an email letter to be "binding"? Meaning that child is really available to the couple and they really have the full 4 days to decide. Do you consider it less binding because it was emailed and not officially signed by the agency? I'm asking both from an ethical perspective and legal perspective if we have any lawyers reading this.

And just what do you think of an agency that after emailing the committment letter, informs them the next day that they also offered the child to someone else? No apologies, no explanation, just tells them it's a race - whichever family has the signed contract and fee on their desk first will "get" the child. And they say this is their policy on how they handle referrals of a child to multiple families (as though it happens regularly).

And if you think this is entirely unethical, what steps would you take, who would you complain to?

And if you don't see this as entirely unethical, I'd also really love to hear your perspective. I'm curious if this is something other people have heard of happening.

[brink]

A "race"? I don't like the sounds of that at all! I've also never heard of an email referral. If their attitude really is that this is a race, it seems quite manipulative and threatening. "Hurry up and make your decision, or else." That's just my opinion, since you asked.

[widgit]

Was the child on a photolisting? I've heard of similar problems with agencies that work off of photolistings. If not, then in my humble, layperson's opinion, I would find out what is involved in switching agengies.

I'm so sorry. The process is emotional enough without garbage like this.

[Anne22]

I have heard of this happening and, personally, I think it's an awful practice. Incredibly unethical and awful. For what it's worth, I have heard of this happening even with agencies that do not use photolistings.

If it were me, and, at this point I didn't have a referral with this agency, I'd give the agency the heave ho and go with a different agency, even if it meant that I lost some money in the process. I'd then complain to the Better Business Bureau and the State licensing department (assuming that the agency operates in a State that requires licensing). I'd also be vocal about warning other parents about the agency's practice.

As for whether the e-mail is "binding" -- here's my two cents. I am a lawyer, but I could easily be wrong about this, so you really should check this out with your own lawyer who can review the e-mail, etc. It sounds to me as if the e-mail was an offer that was open for four days, if accepted within those four days AND if money was sent within two days, arguably a contract was formed. I don't believe however that a contract could be formed without the acceptance and the money. It seems to me that the agency's e-mail was not, in and of itself, a contractually binding commitment. It was just an offer. Even thought the agency said that the offer was open for 4 days, the agency could revoke the offer at any time before acceptance without penalty, in my view. In effect, when the agency notified you that the offer had been accepted by someone else, the agency was revoking the offer to you.

[praying4rlittl1]

!!! My first thought is ditch them and get a different agency!

[Punkyboo]

Sounds bogus to me. I'd be racing to get a different agency!

Kathleen

[JohnnaMJH]

I agree, if you have the chance, this could be a blessing in disguise. I'm so sorry.

[wannahave3]

Originally Posted by praying4rlittl1

!!! My first thought is ditch them and get a different agency!

I'm so sorry! I agree - it's time to bid them farewell.

I have no idea about the legality or the binding nature of an email in this case. I do, however, know that this seems entirely unethical as well as uncaring and unkind.

Again, so sorry!
S

[Maggie Beth]

I am so sorry this happened! Run away from this agency... they should most certainly give you time to think and pray about this lifetime decision without feeling coerced that another family is competing with you for this child! This is not a new car or something -- it is not the person with the biggest checkbook wins... this is unethical and, in my opinion, a terrible example of how some in the adoption world commodify children. Please let us know what happens.

[Niclayson]

Uh...RUN, RUN as fast as you can to another agency!!!!!

Whoa...this isn't picking puppies out of a litter in a pet store and fighting to be first in line at the check-out counter!

Scary. Not sure if illegal, but certainly unethical. No wonder international adoption has gotten bad press.

[foxl]

After asking you to commit, they actually TELL YOU that someone else is also considering the child, unh,unh,unh.

RACE AWAY! And make sure they know why you are.

[csw]

We got our referral via email..they never called and told us about her, just emailed..it was a mass email also, not just to us specifically. She was very healthy and we called immediately and left a message and emailed as well that we were interested in accepting her referral.
I guess I felt I had to act quickly since I knew a baby weighing almost 9 lbs would be 'gone' quickly. I should have known this mass email type of thing was a sign of things to come!

Certainly if a referral is offered to you, I think it is reasonable for the agency to give you a certain amount of time to accept. I don't see what is wrong with that..say that you have 1 week to get the medical information reviewed etc..but saying there are others waiting isn't too cool..

[marie2005]

I am not sure why I posted that in 3rd person. I don't think it violates the terms of service or our contract to say this is what happened to us with our agency. And it was from a photolisting. But from the phone conversation, it was very clear we accepted the referral and they considered us to have started the process with them. We celebrated, told our daughter, called friends and family. So, when they pulled this stunt the next day, we couldn't back out. We did talk for hours about the unethicalness of it and if we should participate in such a thing. Anyway, Kimberly is home now and as much as I regret doing business with such an agency (the whole adoption was not a pleasant experience), it was the only path to bring home Kimberly, and we are blessed. I have started filing complaints, which is why I pose the question as to who to complain to.

[Princesa's Mama]

[quote=Anne22]
As for whether the e-mail is "binding" -- here's my two cents. I am a lawyer, but I could easily be wrong about this, so you really should check this out with your own lawyer who can review the e-mail, etc. It sounds to me as if the e-mail was an offer that was open for four days, if accepted within those four days AND if money was sent within two days, arguably a contract was formed. I don't believe however that a contract could be formed without the acceptance and the money. It seems to me that the agency's e-mail was not, in and of itself, a contractually binding commitment. It was just an offer.



Sort of sounds like some slick advertisement on TV!!
"HURRY AND ORDER NOW AS SUPPLIES ARE LIMITED--WHEN THEY'RE GONE, THEY'RE GONE!!!"

I would definitely get another agency. Our agency only offers one family at a time. They ask that you not sit on the referral, for the sake of the child, because they cannot offer it to another person until you make a decision.

[DaughterBound]

I agree with everyone else about RUNNING AS FAST AS YOU CAN TO A NEW AGENCY....while you still can. This process is long, you have a lot more ahead of you, and the last thing you need is to deal with people like this. My agency would NEVER refer a child to two families at once!! That is just cruel. And wrong. WRONG! If you want the name of my agency, pm me. I highly recommend them! I don't think most good agencies would do such a thing. They would wait until the 4 days was past. Even with a photolisted child.....our Eden was on the photolisting on our agencies website. They just happened to get a bunch of baby girls at once and ran out of paper-ready families. Her pic was up when she was 2 weeks old and we saw it. (We had said we wanted a toddler so they didn't send her pic to us) Anyway, as soon as we called and expressed interest in her, they put her "on hold" until we made a final decision. I believe we took about 4 days to do that.
Pray hard! Leah