[valcox]

Ok, so I'm new to this adoption stuff, but I am so completely excited about my boy!! So I tell some people that we are adopting a boy from Guatemala. Most are thrilled and very supportive, but twice this weekend, I got comments about Army guerillas stealing babies and selling them to Americans, and illegal baby trade. They say these thing and I just sit there with my mouth open in shock. I feel confident in the process, with the birth mother DNA and social worker interviews, but even this information doesn't convince them. One person in particular was someone I really trust. She had even offered to come with me for my visit trip and now I find out that she wants to come solely to make sure my boy isn't stolen and ask questions. Well, I want everything to go smoothly, and having someone with me asking these antagonizing questions could really throw a monkey wrench in the process!

So how should I respond to these comments??

Sorry for the ramble - it just really upset me.

[mattecook]

bless your heart as if the adoption journey isn't tough enough you have to endure these questions. Sometimes there is no good answer. If these people are close to you and you feel worth the time you can explain the process to them and how the children are protected again "baby stealing". If not sometimes just ignoring their comments is enough to make them stop. I am sorry that I am not much help but believe you me most people who have endured this journey can tell you "we have heard it all".

Good Luck
Ami

[annaguat]

Maybe print off a copy of the steps in the process of adopting from Guatemala and give that to them with a nice note pointing out that they seem to have a misunderstanding of the process you are going through making an adoption from Guatemala. And I would definitely not take your friend along that is antagonistic. Hugs, Anna

[lisam00]

Ugh, what horrible things to hear during your adoption journey. When we started to tell people that we were going to adopt from Guatemala, my fatherinlaw said similar things. I explained the process to him more than once but he would just say "well if it makes you feel better to believe that stuff". One day he finally said "I don't see why you can't just adopt a white baby from here". It was then clear that he was trying to turn us off to Guatemala because he thought we should do a CC domestic adoption. Ugh!

That being said, he has come a loooonnngggg way. Once he saw Ava's referral pictures, he started to come around. Once she came home, he just fell in love. He wants to see her constantly and wanders around showing her pictures to anyone who will stop long enough to look at them.

Explain the process then ignore any further comments. It's really all you can do. Most people eventually "get it" and come around.

God bless,
Lisa

[Maggie Beth]

I would answer back -- "Why would you accuse us of engaging in illegal or immoral activities?" Anyone who would ask that sort of question is 1) misinformed and 2) rude, to ask the question in that manner.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. You don't have to justify your decisions to anyone.

[Belenbaby]

I am sorry you had to have this happen....but get used to it. Unfortunately people seem to turn to the negative when they dont understand something. WE know the process we go through. WE know our children are not stolen. I have been asked HOW DO I KNOW? and I usually answered that I know things about her birth mom and history and there are safe guards in place for MY situation....I dont like to go into details with most people bc if they have this "adopt from US" attitude, you will not get anywhere with them. Someone actually asked me once..."You know there are poor people right here in the US, why didnt you help out our own?" UGH! I also like to keep my daughter's personal info just that, personal...I have been asked point blank, about her birthmom, and I tell them it is her personal story to tell when she is ready, but rest assued WE know all we need to know.

[Smylinatya]

"The stork delivers babies in the US and the Army guerillas deliver them in Guatemala!"

[Bassette]

Your friends are misinformed. It does happen but DNA testing prevents it from occuring with Guatemala children adopted by US families. You could say something like,..."I find it belittling that you are trying to assert you know better than my agency, social worker and myself." Or even gentler, simply say "You are misinformed and I would be happy to provide literature to educate you about the process."

[walnutmeg]

You might also want to add that since the Peace Accords were signed in 1996, the civil war in Guatemala is over and there are technically no more "guerillas".

[Smylinatya]

Originally Posted by Smylinatya

"The stork delivers babies in the US and the Army guerillas deliver them in Guatemala!"

Ummmm...I was just kidding. Hope I didn't offend.
Jenn

[Maggie Beth]

Originally Posted by Smylinatya

Ummmm...I was just kidding. Hope I didn't offend.
Jenn

I got the joke, Jenn! It's times like these that we NEED humor... You were saying the stork is a MYTH, and so is that awful comment about Guatemala.

[widgit]

We heard garbage like that too. I usually simply replied, "Rest assured, we did extensive research before choosing to adopt from Guatemala. The system is ethical by many standards. The rumor mongers who like to spread salacious gossip like (reference the rumor they cited) well... that's another story."

Said with the right tone of voice and "don't mess with me or my kid" look have stopped all but my great aunt cold.

Actually, what really ticks me off is not how comments like this make me feel. It's the thought that some day one of these comments is going to be made directly to my son & daughter.

[Smylinatya]

Originally Posted by widgit

Actually, what really ticks me off is not how comments like this make me feel. It's the thought that some day one of these comments is going to be made directly to my son & daughter.

Hopefully by the time our kids are old enough to understand or hear these comments...people really won't be saying them anymore. We just need to continue educating people. It really becomes a drag after a while to have to explain over and over but we owe it to our kids so that our pain doesn't become theirs.

Jenn

[valcox]

Thanks everyone. All your advice has at least put me in a better mood.

[capt911k]

Currently there...... We get the same kind of coments. Most of the time I shack my head and either change the subject or walk away.

I have found that if you want know whats going on in an area ask someone that is adopting in that area. We as adoption parents are constantly striving to learn and understand the areas that our children are coming from.......