[African Safari]

I thought it would be helpful to hear your #1 lesson learned from the Guatemalan adoption process. Please pick one and share it so that we may all learn (and laugh).

My #1 so far: research your agency. thoroughly.

[JohnnaMJH]

I agree with your number one. I learned a lot from our first adoption, which was supposed to be Guatemala, but in an emotional moment ended up being a 'new' program in El Salvador.

Number one lesson: Don't go with a new program.
Number two lesson: Foster care is not always better than an orphanage.
Number three lesson: You may be the one person who has a terrible experience with a reputable agency.

My lesson from the Guatemala adoption is: Don't let a terrible experience keep you from trying again if that is what you desire.

[mattecook]

Well it is hard to pick just one

So Big number 1 is research your agency and when you think you have researched then enough do some more research!!

Also find someone in the process who is near where you are at in the process and befriend them. Having the friends I made through process number 1 kept me sane and also gave me the ear and shoulder that I needed to get through the process with "the agency"

Ami

[HileryS]

The lesson I am trying to continue to learn is that international adoption is a process. It can not be rushed and you must get your mind and heart ready for the wait. Your agency can only do so much and then you must have patience.

Hilery

[foxl]

I would add, once you have chosen an agency, TRUST THEM to get you through.

I cannot say I haven't seen people who needed to follow up on their agencies. But I am saying let them do the work, and stay calm inside about it. Save your emotional energy, for when you get your child!

[Niclayson]

My most important lesson (one I am still trying to learn!) is have patience and don't compare your timeline to anyone else! Even fabulous agencies have cases that have uncontrollable situations...like a 60 day wait on the U.S. government for pre-approval!

[coachmom]

Number 1 is definitly good!!
Research your agency-anywhere you can find information!!!

But really number 1 for me was pray hard to find out Gods direction for our adoption!

[BrandiS]

Ami,

I completely agree with you that a friend, who is going through the process, helps tremendously.

I think our #1 lesson is to research the attorney. The attorney is the pivotal point in the adoption case. It is s/he who is the gaurdian and responsible for the child, until exiting PGN. So much rests on the attorney's shoulders. It is true that agencies 'pick' or choose their attorney's however, ultimately it is the attorney who has to do the job and communicate. We can blame the agency for 'picking' the attorney but when it comes down to it, it is really about having a reputable, ethical attorney. That is our #1 lesson..

[Bonitabonita]

#1 lesson learned:
While you will REALLY want to, don't necessarily trust the optimists who tell you your child will be home by ______.

Boni, whose child did not come home at end of Feb. but rather beginning of Apr.

[Lisa1234]

I love this thread, but could not choose only one.....

So here is my list:

1. Ask on the forum for information about the facilitator as well as the attorney assigned to your case.

2. Check out the references you receive for your agency and make sure that they have used the agency recently.

3. Research, research and more research the agency before sending any money.

4. Insist that you get the updates that you were promised when you signed with the agency. This includes medical information. Don't let an agency employee tell you that "when it comes to medical updates no news is good news".

5. If you are told that your case has completed a particular step in the process and it is possible to get a receipt as proof, INSIST that this proof is provided. For example, you don't want to be told you are out of PGN and find out a month later that this never really happened.

[DesertMom]

In terms of dealing with your agency, I would say that you should make sure you are comfortable with your social worker. If she isn't returning your calls and emails then you should go over her head and get switched to someone who is more responsive. Don't suffer through almost a whole year of dealing with someone who blows you off. Communication is the number one thing that will make your adoption experience either positive or negative IMO. There are many times when there really is nothing to report. When you're in FC, you're just in FC, there's nothing to say, but a social worker who will still check in with you and let you know that she checked on your case every couple of weeks makes a huge difference. You won't feel like you're getting lost in the shuffle. Our preapproval wait was seven weeks, there was nothing our agency could do about it, but I could call my social worker a couple times a week and cry on her shoulder and she would listen and understand. I never felt alone when our case was stuck.

As far as taking care of yourself, find a buddy through this forum or through your agency to PM, email or talk with on the phone. Your family and friends probably won't understand everything you're going through and husband's can get burned out on listening. Being able to pick up the phone on a rough day will get you through.

Finally, this may surprise you, but take a break from the forum sometimes. Towards the end of our PGN stay some people who were submitted at the same time as us or even after us were getting out before us and it was very disheartening. I cut way back on my posting and generally checking in because it started getting to me. I didn't want to get into the space of comparing my case with other people because I knew it would make me miserable. The adoption will be a big part of your life, but don't make it you whole life. Easier said than done, I know!

[Maggie Beth]

Originally Posted by Lisa1234

I love this thread, but could not choose only one.....

So here is my list:

1. Ask on the forum for information about the facilitator as well as the attorney assigned to your case.

This is huge, in my opinion. I have heard people complain and complain about their attorney, when it is really the facilitator who is at fault. Yes, the attorney should not be working with a terrible facilitator... but understand that the reason some people have a good experience with an attorney and other have an awful experience with the same attorney seems to directly correlate with the facilitator. If your agency says that don't know who the facilitator is, they NEED to find out for you before you accept a referral & you need to get references on that facilitator the same way you do with the agency and attorney. Since the facilitator is going to have most of the direct contact with the birthmother, this person is crucial to a successful, ethical case.

[foxl]

Here is another question for your agency:

Does this attorney work with challenging or complicated cases? ie, underage birthmoms who might have objecting relatives? How does he or she locate birthmoms in the first place? Are the birthmoms in the City (convenient for process) or remote?

What are the outcomes of any such complicated cases?

[linda512]

What I've learned is that you can't rush the PROCESS. I thought I would get through the paperwork faster than anyone, I would do everything in person, etc, etc.
What ended up happening was I got my letter of good conduct so early that it expired and I had to do it again!
I've also learned that patience is a virtue that I don't have.

[tookie12]

#1. Trust your gut! A mother's intuition starts long before you have the child in your arms.