[hopin4ababy]

This question comes off the tail end of the earlier discussion about answering rude comments...I have often seen children that are likely adopted from Guatemala and I so want to strike up a conversation with the parents because of our journey. I never do, though, becuase I can't find the right words to phrase it appropriately. Have any of you been asked this in a respectful way and actually had an enjoyable conversation? If so, how was it worded? TIA!! Ali

[Bassette]

It is completely obvious that Kiran is adopted as I am fair as they come and he is a beautiful golden brown, black hair dark eyes. I usually mosey up to the suspected adoptive parent and compliment their child. Other times I may offer a sniglet about my own adoption to "out" myself first, but it usually only takes a mere glance at myself and Ki for them to dish. I have never had to go beyond these measures. Just strike up a conversation and let it come out naturally. Sometimes I have lovely chats with other APs without either of us verbally confirming that we are an adotpive family. We just know and don't feel the *need* to say it.

It just dawned on me that this is probably the reason that I don't have to deal with rude folks and comments. It's so obvious that peeps just don't *need* to say anything to validate their suspicion. *hehe*

[mmehegartner]

I too would like to know this as well.

Melissa

[Slatond10]

I have been ask in many ways and so far have not been offended except by the grandma comment.

One lady ask " What is her heritage?"
Most start with the comment about " how beautiful she is"
And she is!!!

However, I always wonder the best way to approach the subject with others. Bumping for more input!

[numbr1dbcksfan]

I think this is all the way around... I never ask because it might be rude, too.

There was a couple with a baby girl from china at Chuck E. Cheese a couple months ago.. and obviously she was adopted and was gorgeous! I wanted to say something but all these threads kept running through my head.

Then I was like...Im a closet Rude person!!

Would it be rude to say that she is gorgeous and ask how old she was when she came home?

I couldnt think of anything 'right' to say so I just stared at her... and looked away whenever I was going to be caught... hahaha!

[AdoptAmiga]

The situation has come up a few times during the past years. I usually start with looking at the baby/child and saying something like "hi there cutie", then looking at the mom/dad/parents and say "My (our) children are from Guatemala, is yours? (...is yours from China, etc.). That usually opens the door and sometimes a conversation starts, sometimes it's just a hello. People have approached me in a similiar manner and I've always liked the "connection". Best wishes.

[moelladeville]

I agree with Adopt Amiga. I'm pretty straightforward and not at all good at dancing around a subject (like our friend Bassette). So I usually "out" my boys and if they don't volunteer that their child is adopted, I ask. Potentially rude? Maybe, but I haven't been wrong yet!

[Amykk]

I usually don't say anything. I saw a lady in the grocery store who was very fair and her kids were very dark complected and looked foreign. I though for sure they were adopted. Then in the next aisle I saw them again, but with their Dad who was AA. I was really glad I didn't say something stupid to her about where her kids were from.

[guatamama]

Usually, I go up to the parents and make a comment like, "what a beautiful child, she looks alot like my son who was born in Guatemala". They usually jump right back in and are happy to talk about their journey.

[mattecook]

I have been asked many times and like Steph sometimes I out myself so that people will feel comfortable talking. My favorite was when a lady very sweet told me how beautiful Emma was and said that she was blessed with a beautiful baby like Emma through adoption and loved to hear about how Emma came to us. Now this was when my husband was around so it was obvious that she wasn't biologically ours. But just be natural I think people are usually very happy to share in the joys of adoption and if they aren't then be respectful (which I am sure you would be anyways) and thank them.

Ami

[vh9076]

This is a good thread. I think w/o the dad present it is pretty touchy. That may be why people start with asking about the Dad first. Funny how we find questions about "is he yours" "who is the father" the most offending when we know what they are trying to get at.

This teaches me that if we, as adoptive families, do not know how to start a conversation in an innocent, non-offending way, that we can't be so hard on others that mis-step when they ask us about our families. It's kind of fun to laugh about one liners here...what we wish we could say to the "dumb, intolerant, ignorant" questions we get...but in real life, I will be patient and open. (I say that now...)

Keep the advice coming, because I have often not said anything even though I was dying to!

Vicki

[chica_latina]

Great thread!

I've thought of this often, wondering how I can approach others. Alas, I've come to the conclusion that I will probably not say anything at all, except:

"oh what a beautiful baby/child/daughter/son."

Another adoptive parent once stated that they feel like they often put their child up for "display" and have dubbed their child as a "Guatemala Adoption Embassador" - i can see this happening.

It's partially because I'm a very private person, and partially because I've heard all kinds of stupid comments growing up (my family is Hispanic), but I will probably not respond as well as I should if another parent (whether an adoptive parent or not) came up to me and asked if my child was adopted.

So I more than likely will not say anything at all to another family. ..

[brinawynne]

Much like salton10 said, I've had many people ask me "What is his nationality?", and I'll say "He was born in Guatemala", and this usually ends up to a conversation about their bothers' best friends sisters best freind is also adoption from Guatemala. I think its a great conversation started. Of course, someone asked me this at the hospital one day and I answered "Guatemala", and she called her friend over and said, "Check out this cute little boy! I thought for sure he was Cuban like my husband, but his daddy is Guatemalan." She never even got that he was adopted!

I was also approached at a store my a women who came up to Alex because he was smiling at her and said "What a beautiful baby! I have 2 twin girls at home that have the same beautiful skin. They are adopted from (I can't remember where)." She outed herself and we had a great conversation! So a compliment on a cute Alex is always works for me.

[adoptionnewbie]

A woman approached me in the bathroom at church. She said "I have a son who was born is Honduras.... your daughter is beautiful, what nationality is she?" I told her Guatemalan and she just started talking about her son and how fast they grow, etc. I thought it was a nice approach, considering some of the other comments you get.. lol

[DaughterBound]

I always do it this way: "Your son/daughter is so beautiful!! What is his/her heritage?" Sometimes, as others have mentioned, I am assuming they are adopted and the mother replies, "My husband is from Uraguay!"