[doghouse]

We have three bio-children (boy 9 yrs, girl 6 yrs, and boy 3 1/2 yrs at time of adopted baby's arrival) Our boys probably will show very little interest in our new daughter, but our 6 year old daughter is very excited about our new daughter coming home.

Question: How much should I limit the contact between our bio-daughter and our adopted daughter? Should I not let her hold her? This is a very delicate situation as I do not want our bio-daughter to feel left out while at the same time I will need to foster bonding with our new daughter.

[kauai2k]

In the seminar that I recently attended, this very question was discussed. The important point stressed was NOT to limit overall interaction - just that the primary people to take care of the child's essential needs - feeding, bathing, clothing, bedtime - should be the parents. If the child cries - parent should be there. If it's dinner time - parent should feed.

Playtime, time reading, etc should not be limited per se. Only basic needs for the child should be taken care of by the parent.
diane

[Mariais5]

We have 3 teenage sons and a 9 year old daughter. We have visited our daughter in Gautemala two times, and both times our daughter has traveled with us. She is a VERY big help to me. She actually held Bryce almost as much as I did! I never, for one minute though, felt like Bryce didn't know who mommy was. She laughed and giggled with my daughter but definitely wanted me when she was sleepy or hungry. My older daughter loves her little sister, and I can't imagine limiting the time she gets to hold her. They are going to be sharing a bedroom when home so the closer they are, the better it will be for all of us. I don't think babies have a problem distinguishing parents from siblings. My boys, I know, are also going to want a lot of time with Bryce. We are a big baby family ~ lots and lots of little cousins ~ so we all love babies. We'll probably keep Bryce in a few weeks where she only has contact with us. It just depends on how she responds. A lot of moms on the forum have said they had no problems with attachments, so I'm hoping we won't either.

[csw]

Our son was around 3 when we started IVF..did that for 5 years..at the same time did foster parent training..then when he was 9 we started trying domestic adoption..when he was 10 we had a failed match.
When he was 11 we started the paperwork for our Guatemalan adoption and she was born the day before he turned 12..she was home 9 months later..he turned 13 the day after she turned 1 year old.

We found he was much more excited when he was 9 and 10 then when he was 12..at that age he was much more into his peers..he said he could 'take it or leave it' and 'doesn't matter if I have a brother or sister'..
We had tried to adopt an older boy at the same time as our infant daughter..and it just didn't work out.

What I found was that after Ana was home (and she was/is very demanding) we tried to have 1x a week where one of us, generally me, had 1 on 1 time with him..even for just a few hours in the evening..
You wouldnt believe the sibling issues we have, even with a 12 year age difference..she got more than me..she always gets everything..and when my son tries to give me a hug Ana goes running up and cries "my mommy'...

Because of our son's special needs (severe ADHD and LD's) he is not really able to help me with her and in fact when they are together I have to really keep an eye on them! But he has learned to change her diaper and once in awhile will do that, and he is teaching her how to skateboard..his favorite activity.

They didn't really have any trouble bonding..but there is def. sibling rivalry..I was so hoping to adopt another girl..so Ana would have someone closer to her age, and everytime we start the paperwork good ol hubby backs out (we have had 2 really tough adoptions, plus failed domestic and 4 failed IVF)..so we'll see..don't worry about the kids spending too much time with the baby..but do make each of your children feel special after the baby is home..