[widgit]

We are home from Guatemala with both babies as of 11/3! They are wonderful and beautiful, of course.

Our son sleeps pretty much through the night in the crib. Our daughter is a different story and we need some advice or mom and dad are going to blow a gasket.

She is just over 5 months old and we know that she co-slept with the foster mother. We are afraid of co-sleeping. We've tried putting her to sleep and then laying her down in the crib and going back to repeat the process every 30 min - hour when she wakes for two nights now.

We are hoping there is an option besides ferberizing because when she wakes and cries, her cry is not just your typical 5 month old cry, it is one of dis-attachment (is that a word?). She cries hard until she shakes and if we let her go for a couple of min, her cry will continue to escallate to a point that sometimes it takes more than 40 min to calm her to the point where she stops shaking. She looks visibly terrorized.

She will fall asleep in our arms relatively easily.

Pictures and a pick-up story are forthcoming (after mom & dad find a way to get some sleep).

[JohnnaMJH]

Hi there, Is it possible to get one of those things that attaches to the bed where they are near the bed but sleeping in their own area? Or, what about putting her crib in your room to start out with?

I am in your boat, I don't mind the idea of co sleeping but I am such a light sleeper I couldn't do it. I would get no sleep.

Do they have their own cribs? Maybe they could sleep together? I know that could be problematic because it would wake her brother?

Hang in there. The sleep thing is so complex. According to the FM, my son co slept with her and another baby! He has not had an issue going to the crib, so we were very lucky.

Good luck, hopefully in another week or two she will settle in.

Welcome home!

[bamagirl]

My advice would be to try to co-sleep with your daughter if at all possible until she is comfortable in her new home. Babies r Us has this thing called a co-sleeper. THere are 2 kinds - one is for in the bed($40 +/-) and the other is a cross between a crib and play pen($150). The side is down and it pulls up right beside your bed. If you just aren't ready for that, have you tried a pack-n-play in your room or letting her sleep with her brother??

Maybe try transitioning her into her crib during the day while you are putting away laundry or just putting around her room. Put her in the crib and pull up a chair and read a book or let her nap in there.

Just a few suggestions - I hope you are able to find a solution. It's hard when babies won't sleep!!!!

[widgit]

Sleeping with her brother is not a viable option because when he gets excited or restless or re-settles himself or wakes, he lifts both feet high and slams them back down on the bed repeatedly.

I like the idea of letting her play in the crib during the day. We'll try that.

Any other thoughts?

[becky]

Co-sleep. It is essential that she attaches to you and becomes comfortable in her new environment. Hopefully it won't have to happen for long...but at this point she has lost everything familiar to her...and the fact that she co-slept with her foster mother is a huge loss to her. I realize it isn't a great solution, but right now priority number one has to be attaching with the babies.

Good Luck!

[astra]

We coslept with our son at the hotel, he had never been in a crib, and would scream every time we would place him in it even though he was sleeping. He would play around in there a little bit during the day.

Now that we are home, we moved his crib very close to the foot of our bed, and I keep my arm in his crib so he knows his Mama is right near. (we are now sleeping with our heads near the crib) It has seemed to be working good so far...

I wish you luck, I'm sure two littles ones is so much work! I know I'm so tired at the end of the day with just one

[DesertMom]

I just spoke with our international adoption doctor about this. We haven't brought our son home but on our visit trip it was obvious that he has been co-sleeping with his FM. We were scared too about co-sleeping and the increased risk of SIDS. Also, we really wanted our bedroom to be our own private space and were afraid that once we started co-sleeping that it would never be ours again.

Our doctor, who is very down to earth btw, said he feels this risk of SIDS is exaggerated in his opinion and as long as you have a firm mattress and no snuggly things for the baby to get tangled up or wedged into that it is fine. He recommended the sidecar sleeper that bamagirl was talking about as a good alternative. The baby has the security of being next to you but still in her own space. He said that this will make it easier to transition to a crib when the baby is ready. I also liked this idea because when we were co-sleeping in Guatemala we had a diaper leaking incident and I prefer to change a small sheet in a sidecar sleeper than maybe rolling into it myself and dealing with changing sheets on our bed every day.

[Bassette]

Hey there! COngratulations and welcome home!

I haven't read replies but I'm sure you have gotten some really good advice. Our son slept with his FM and at 27 months still sleeps with us. *hehe* So this is not experienced advice, just a thought.

I know they make bassinets for itty bitty ones that you can lay in the bed between you. When your daughter adjusts to the bassinet you can move it to the crib. Actually lay the bassinet within the crib. Hey, even better and if possible, put the crib in your room until she gets used to that. Step three would be to transition her to the crib itself and finally, step four, move the crib to her room.

I wish you best of luck with the adjustment. It's a huge effort to transition two little ones at once and I commend you. You will have much to offer future adoptive parents and I hope that you will share your experience(s) as you progress.

Hey! How about a pic of those beautiful babes!

[csw]

I would cosleep...and remember..alot of 5 month olds who have been home since newborns don't sleep through the night..
Make sure she isn't hungry, not teething (she's a little young for this) , isn't having any physical ailment like ear infection etc..but I would cosleep..
She has been through so much and needs you to practice attachment parenting with her..
cosleep, cobath, carry her in a sling..the more skin to skin contact the safer she will feel..it took Ana
6 months of being home to relax enough to take a nap more than 10 min..she was up at night for along time and still is! Please, don't ferberize a newly adopted baby..please don't...she just wants to be close to you..other cultures have the babies sleep by them..just make sure you follow safety precautions..firm mattress etc..

[Bonitabonita]

What are your fears of cosleeping? It might make it easier for you to even comtemplate that idea if we knew and could be sensitive to what your concerns/fears are.

BTW, I don't believe there is any scientific or even anecdotal evidence that there is an increased risk of SIDS due to cosleeping. The AAP recently released a report, that many, many pediatricians or children's health organizations strongly disagree with. In the report, AAP makes reference to the 65 deaths among children cosleeping (none were SIDS and many were related to alcohol and other drug use of parents.

Boni

[widgit]

Originally Posted by Bonitabonita

What are your fears of cosleeping? It might make it easier for you to even comtemplate that idea if we knew and could be sensitive to what your concerns/fears are.

Boni

Our fears of co-sleeping are mainly suffication & accidently rolling over on her. I sleep very soundly and'm afraid I'll wake to find I've hurt our daughter (or worse).

[jnancynancy]

We did not cosleep with any of our kiddos. I know it is right for some, but just not what we liked to do.

I would suggest wearing her around as much as you can during the day. I would put her down in the crib awake during the day and rub her tummy and sing to her so she realizes that you are not leaving her when she is in the crib. This will also foster good feelings about the crib.

Maybe sleep in her room for a while until she works through this.

Mainly...hang in there! It will get better. Her world has been rocked!

You will get it worked out, I know you will.

[carney10]

Congrats on being home!!
I hope you get the baby to sleep. I do not have much advice in this, my son always slept through the night.

Lisa

[Bonitabonita]

Originally Posted by widgit

Our fears of co-sleeping are mainly suffication & accidently rolling over on her. I sleep very soundly and'm afraid I'll wake to find I've hurt our daughter (or worse).

Yeah, that would make the idea of cosleeping pretty undesirable then! If you had any interest at all in having her near you while you all slept, but not actually IN BED with you, the cosleeper bassinet thing that attachs to the side of your bed would keep her safe from you rolling on her and keep her very nearby -- more like what she experienced in foster care than sleeping in her crib alone is now. Everyone else has given some pretty on target suggestions, so I won't repeat. My daughter also had coslept with her foster family. I generally sleep on a waterbed (due to dust allergies) & that was totally out of the question for my infant daughter due to potential suffocation. So, I slept on a futon in her room. Sometimes she slept with me; sometimes in her own crib. It didn't take long before she was fine in the crib & didn't even need me in the room (about a month to month and a half).

Good luck. I know how frustrating it is when you get your baby home & want everything to be perfect & wonderful, and sometimes . . . well . . . it's harder than that. Let us know what works in the end.

Boni

[Sandy Harboe]

We are co-sleepers are son is now 1 & has been home for 5 1/2 months. Our doctor see's nothing wrong with it. Our son also starts shacking & crying very hard if he is put in his bed. I know how you feel. I think you should try co-sleeping you will see that you wont sleep so soundly(sp?) because you will be paying attention to the baby. I hope everything works out for you.