[~amy~]

Hi, everyone! I just found this site a couple of days ago. I love seeing all of the pictures and advice! Thanks!

Anyway, DH and I sent in our agency application last night. I've told one close friend and a small prayer group. Afterwards, one of the prayer group ladies (who I don't know really well) asked me when we were alone how much the adoption costs. I was so caught off guard! I told her that it depended on the country fees and travel expenses, but didn't share more than I was comfortable sharing.

How can I address questions that I think are too personal? I know this is just the beginning. . .
Thanks!
Amy

[Kimberj71]

One good way to address that question is to ask politely of course, "why do you ask?" or "I didn't kn ow you were interested in adoption"

Many people that ask me the money question have thought of adopting themselves and truly can not figure out how to find the finances to adopt. Or they've heard that it is very very expensive and never pursue it further thinking they could never adopt (this is so sad to me). So many times I ask if they are interested in adoption and then I give a ballpark range of costs and then add in that some employers give benefits, the federal government offers a tax credit, there are loans and grants, etc...

That way the focus is off of my children, our adoption expenses and finances and focussed back on how they too might be able to financially afford to adopt.

Hope that helps! And welcome to the forums!!

Kim

[waitingforthem]

Kimberj71,
What a wonderful way to address questions like these!!! I will have to try this out!!

[mildredjohn]

I sometimes answer: like to deliver a baby without any type of insurance! so the person has to figure it out!


many blessings,

[jnancynancy]

I think your answer was right on. Another one is "Too Much!"

")

[heikkila]

Yes, it's an insensitive question, but I usually answer it.

I also preface it with the fact that it is illegal to pay for a baby, but when you adopt you need to pay many people for thier services including the agency, attorney, social worker, immigration, foster care, medical, and travel expenses so they understand where the money goes.

You'd be amazed at how many people think it doesn't cost anything to adopt a child.

[brinawynne]

I usually answer as Kimberj71 does: "Do you know someone interested in adoption?". The answer is usually yes, either a friend, family member or themselves. I haven't yet been asked by someone who wasn't truly interested. I usually say that the total cost of all fees, is minimal in comparision to the attorney fees and that the it can be anywhere from 25k to 32k depending on many different things. I've actually met many people that have been in the early "research" stage of adoption with this question. It is a touchy question, but try to take it as an "open door" for someone else.

[joskimo]

You will get this questions for many, many, many years to come so tell my my friends! I rarely state the cost because it's no one's business, so I usually say it's expensive but there's a great tax credit. If I'm talking to someone who I know is interested in adoption I'll tell, but in general I don't want people to always identify my daughter with a dollar amount if that makes sense. Most people are just curious for no reason, so I don't figure they need to know.

[missingmyboy]

How about you reply with, "why is it you ask?' That should get them thinking about how inappropriate the question is in the first place.

Shell

[Kesti]

Keep in mind that you are the one who decides what is too personal and what is not. We answer that question if it is asked correctly. If we are asked, how much did you buy them for, we do not respond with the cost but with a diff. answer. The things we don't discuss are our girls backgrounds. Keep in mind you can always say, we don't discuss the paperwork costs.

[Clare'sMom]

I actually had a relative as --So how much did she run you---
He took me by such suprise that all I could say was, Well after I got the optional towing package and seat covers she was a pretty penny..... He hasn't spoken to me since. Tear!
Usually I use the, Well why do you ask? Would you like the number to our agency and that usually cools the conversation, or I say its not really the money its the paper work. I don't beleive I have ever been inclinded to ask a friend how much her labor and delivery was... It seems like a very personal question to me.

[adoptingdoc]

people ask me that all the time. I don't give them details...I just say..."Oh, about $30,000". Then i watch their jaw drop.

[mattecook]

I generally also will answer this question with a general ballpark figure. Explaining that different countries are different. I think that most people who have asked me this are generally interested in adoption but have always heard "It is too expensive to adopt internationally" and it is but I explain that there are ways to finance it. NOW for the ones who have no interest they are just asking questions I usually will answer way to much but my daughter is priceless.

Ami

[Amykk]

Originally Posted by joskimo

You will get this questions for many, many, many years to come so tell my my friends! I rarely state the cost because it's no one's business, so I usually say it's expensive but there's a great tax credit. If I'm talking to someone who I know is interested in adoption I'll tell, but in general I don't want people to always identify my daughter with a dollar amount if that makes sense. Most people are just curious for no reason, so I don't figure they need to know.

I haven't been asked yet - but I really like this answer.

[JLStoltzie]

Go with KimberJ's response...it's PERFECT!!!! Congrats on adopting it will be a wonderful journey.

Jenny