[JohnnaMJH]

This is mostly a vent, but man, I am TIRED!

When we picked up our 7mo old, now 8mo, son, we were told he slept from 6:30 to 5:30 every night. I was amazed that the entire time in Guat, he went down like a champ and we never heard one peep out of him. Seriously, not a peep. The first night I kept wondering if he was OK because he was so quiet.

The first night home, he woke up a few times and he's been pretty inconsistent ever since. Friday night, he woke up three times and each time I was able to reposition him on his stomach and he fell back asleep. Of course this didn't make for the best night's sleep for me. Last night, at about 2am, he wouldn't calm down so I gave him a bottle.

I know he is teething, but of course the FM said this hadn't caused any problems for her. I also know it may be normal because of all he's been through in the way of changes in his life.

I was just kind of hoping to hear from those who have been there and survived. Did you child get back to better sleep habits? I have four older kids and homeschool two of them, so it'll be harder and harder if I get such terrible sleep every night.

At this point, not only am I getting up, but then I am so anxious about how the night will go, if he will get back up, etc. that it makes the rest of my sleep pretty bad.

Thanks for listening,

[Carlee1boy]

I'm with Liz! Our son came home in July at 7 months old. He woke up about EVERY hour all night long! Even putting him in our bed didn't cure it, because he still woke up over and over. After he had been home for six weeks, we decided to ferberize him. He now wakes up once for a bottle. Occasionally he wakes up twice, but it's MUCH better than 9 or 10 times!

I truly feel your pain. I was so so tired I thought I would drop. He kept our whole house up night after night. Though it's not perfect now, it is livable. Good luck!!!

Carolyn

[JohnnaMJH]

OK, so you mean you guys would do the go in, rub his back, get him settled and then not bo back for longer intervals. I was almost going to do that last night, but the only concern I had was him waking everyone else up. He is over 20lbs, so I know he doesn't 'need' a bottle, but I have given them on occasion, know that it would settle him down.

I will definitely have to do this soon if things don't change. I just cannot function as Mom to anyone if I get too sleep deprived. Napping when the baby naps doesn't work when you have five! :-) Thanks for the feedback. I guess the one good thing is I know he had good sleep habits and hopefully this is just a glitch due to teething and the upheaval in his life.

Thanks again to both of you!

[nina03]

Andrew kept getting worse and worse with his sleep. He came home at 7 months old, and by the time he was 8 months old I was exhausted! Getting up 2-4 times per night and it got to the point I would have to give him a bottle to get him back to sleep. At 7 moths he was 23 pounds, so I knew that wasn't the problem.......... He wasn't napping well, either and I was at my wits end.

DH laughed at me (literally) but I bought the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby and read it straight through one Sunday. That night we implemented the "program". Andrew now sleeps from 6:30 pm or 7:00 pm until 6:00 am. He occassionally wakes up during the night (not very often, though) and he has learned to put himself back to sleep. He is napping two times per day for about 2 hours each nap.......

I SWEAR by the Healthy Sleep Habits book. Buy it and read it today!

BTW, Andrew had been with us for 1 + month and was clearly bonded to us before we started this program......

GOOD LUCK - I hope you get some sleep soon!

[iammonikasmom]

We came home in July at 11 mo. The schedule we were given said approx the same thing....I was so looking forward to a full night. Wrong......we wake at 11, 2,4 and if we make it to 5 we are up. Barely surving but keeping the fingers crossed that we get a better schedule soon. We have her in our room, thankfully because I sure wouldn't want my two year old up also. Good luck

[becky]

I think Nina brings up a VERY IMPORTANT point. You have to remember that your child has been through a huge trauma and the loss of everything that is normal in his life. Of course it's likely he isn't going to just adjust right to sleeping 12 hours a night in a new bed, in a new house, with a family of 'strangers'.

I am the mother of 5, so I completely understand how difficult it is to function when you are tired. But you also have to allow a period of bonding with your child. If it means sleeping with you so that he feels secure, then try it. If it means holding him and giving him a bottle so he feels secure, then do it. He has to get to a level of security and bonding before he is ever going to develop good sleep habits.

I agree about reading "Healthy Sleep Habits" book...but I also caution anyone about leaving their child to 'cry it out' for long periods of time when he/she has not fully bonded. Doing so only reinforces in your child the notion that 'no one' is there for him and even crying doesn't get anyone's attention.

[brink]

We are waaayy past the baby stage with any of our kids, but I agree that you've got to be realistic about what this small child has been through. Our most recent addition was our 10 year old daughter, and you can just imagine what all she has seen change in her life. At least she can now understand English and we can discuss her feelings, etc. She is doing extremely well, but there were certainly adjustments. None occurred in the night when we were sleeping, however!

I'm convinced you're having some difficult days, if you're getting up so much during the night. That feeling of utter exhaustion, when you hear that baby cry one more time in the night, is a feeling of desparation. I remember laying in bed with that newborn cry ringing through my head, and just begging this not to be true! But with this child at this juncture, this is what is evidently going to be required of your family. Hopefully, as you give your baby much love and support during the waking hours, he will "settle into" your routines and feel secure enough to get a full night's sleep. And if your baby is willing to give you snuggles and trusting you enough to lay his sweet head on your shoulder....even as exhausted as you must surely feel, try to remember the months you longed for those moments.

Our children, even when they come at ten and knew of us, heard our voices over the phone, saw our photos, are adjusting to all new people, places, sights, smells, schedules in their lives. It's frustrating to be sure, but not surprising if an infant was happy and adjusted at the foster mom's and now is having to adjust to everything that is now new in their lives. I hope these days are soon a distant memory for you very soon!

[carl&hiromi]

I wouldn't position a child under one year old on their stomach - it is a leading risk factor for SIDS. It could be quite possible that he may be having trouble breathing and so is waking up because of that.

Just an FYI,

Carl

[csw]

Hi
Ana was up every 15 min at night for 2 months..then it went down to every 30 min for awhile..then every hour..then for months it was about 4-6x a night..even at 26 months old she is sometimes up at least 1x..she doesnt go to sleep until 11 or 12 MN and is up at least 1x and is up by 8 am and doesnt take a nap during the day..
I agree with Becky..give it time..make sure he isn't in any pain from teething, isn't hungry, wet etc..give him lots of love and reassurance..never ferberize a newly adopted baby/child..it took Ana until 23 months old to sleep most of the night..it depends on their temperment etc..if he was sleeping so well in Guatemala..chances are once he is more comfortable and bonded etc..he will be sleeping well again..I was like a zombie for the 14 months she was home..would be lucky to get a shower every 2 or 3 days..she also would only nap for 5-10 min at a time. Took her about 6 months to relax and take better naps..then after her vaccine reaction she is back to being restless, no nap, resltess at night etc..but before that she was finally getting better..
Not only has he been through a huge change,,he may be starting to teeth..he may have been underfed in foster care and may need to catch up on his weight..Ana was eating every 2 hours round the clock at first..she was just so hungry..
It will take time..I would recommend co sleeping and carrying in a sling.baby massages really help to relax them also...Ana would only fall asleep during the day if I had her in the Maya or baby back pack..take care..

[Annee]

Oooooh, I have so been there! Jesse couldn't sleep for longer than 20 minutes at a time for the first month or so, but it has gotten steadily better since. I remember thinking that we'd never survive the exhaustion, and a big part of it was that we weren't able to relax because we lived in such a state of anxiety about him waking up again. We were also really worried about him because he was exhausted, too, and CRANKY during the day as a result.

Our int'l adoption pediatrician advised us not to ferberize him until he'd been home at least 3 months. But things have gotten so much better now, and we can hear him wake up occasionally, babble a little to himself, and then go back to sleep. So, he's taught himself how to fall back asleep before the 3 months are up anyway (except when he's teething...then all bets are off and we do still get up to comfort him then - heck, if I were that miserable I'd be making my DH hold me!) .

I agree w/ CSW so much about the carrying and holding. She gave me much the same advice when I posted my "I'm so exhausted" message, and I just determined then that I'd hold him or carry him in a baby bjorn as much as possible. My wrists and elbows hurt like heck, but I firmly believe that holding Jesse all of the time gave him the security he needed to be a good sleeper.

All this advice aside, here's a (((hug))) because I know how hard this is.