[jlcoffey1274]

I have a strange post.. I am wondering if anyone out there is able to have children... just would rather adopt.. BUT craving to have a child now that the adoption is underway???? My DH and I are very able to have a child, just decided that there were too many beautiful children in need of parents in the world... I have a BIO beauty from a previous marriage ... and DH and I both decided to adopt. BUT....


I can help but wonder "what if I got pregnant now" , "what if I sabotaged my birth control", What if..... GOD what if...

BUT, Also, I have a back problem and if I were to get pregnant I would kill me... I am a Master Gardener and know that I have limits... carrying my first child was very hard for me and set off many many physical issues... which haunt me daily... BUT, I constantly seem to touch on this issue of having another OOPSY..... Am I alone here??? JULIE

[KellyMigoya]

I have two bio children (well kind of, through egg donor) and my Princess Mia and have NO DESIRE to be pregnant again but would love to talk my husband into adopting again.

[riaanne]

I think a lot of people have taht hope of the old myth, "once you adopt you'll get pregnant" in the back of their mind and hoping its true. I do not thnk by thinking taht its a condemnation of adoption or a way of looking at adoption as a second choice but you hear the myth so often, it leaves a niggle of hope and most would want to have the bio baby and the adopted baby if they could. Because you become emotionally vested in both.

I am also one of those people who keep the myth alive. Twice I started an adoption, and both times wondering is I would get pregnant was in the back of my mind. With the first adoption I got pregnant after multiple miscarriages, drugs galore and had my miracle baby. Adoption agency would not let us pursue adoption until a year after baby born. Plus I has high risk and the emotional stress would have been too much for me (wiorrying about the viability of the pregnany and the viability of the adoption) Second time for adoption (this one) after 4 iuis, 1 ivf, drugs galore I got pregnant taking no drugs and at peace with my infertility and it was a uterine etopic pregnancy requiring emergency surgery with complications. This time, I made sure there was no
prohibition about being pregnant and adopting when I chose my agency, just in case.

So no - I do not think you are alone, I just do not think most will admit it.

[mac308]

If we could adopt three more times (we have one dd from Guatemala and just got a referral for our second) we would. Can't afford it. I do wish to have a bigger family. If I were to get pregnant it would have to be through sperm donor and I would be high risk... we have thought about it. I really have no big desire to be pregnant- just want more children. I just figure I'll wait until number 2 comes home and see if I think I can handle being pregnant and having two little ones. Interesting thread.

Megan

[Smylinatya]

I never had that feeling while I was adopting. I get a weird feeling when then entire family is together and somebody says "Oh, she looks just like her father" "Oh, she gets that from me" type comments. It feels to me like those comments are more then ever. Last week when we were up with the inlaws, my MIL couldn't wait to show me the pictures of her 2 bio granddaughters and how the one looked like my FIL and the other looked just like her. I looked at my beautiful baby boy and thought, I know exactly who you look like and some day I will explain it all to you. Then I looked at DH and felt horrible that he will never know what a bio child will look like for him. Then I put that thought away, we have the most beautiful baby boy in the entire world. He is happy and healthy and the joy of our lives. I would have it no other way.

Jenn

[jnancynancy]

We've taken action to not have any more biological babies for many reasons...mainly my last pregnancy just about did me in. Things do happen though and I have thought about it. I really worried that my husband wouldn't want to adopt if we did get pregnant. I know now that if it did happen we would just have a larger family because our referral is already a part of us.

I don't think it is weird to think like that though. You get hooked on the idea of babies...look at me...3 in 4yrs! By the way when people see the picture of our referral many have said she looks like my daughter Natalie when she was born...except Natalie was 10lbs not 4lbs 10oz! I even see a resemblence!

[cr653]

interesting thread.
i did it the other way.
had my bios first then choose to pursue adoption.
my pregnancies are pretty awful (though not necessarily dangerous), my thyroid stops working my blood pressure pitches a fit, etc...
but,
that set aside,
i HAVE ALWAYS wanted to adopt a child, i think i first assumed it would be through the foster system as i had a number of friends who were part of that system when i was a teenager (lost of foster families at my church).
anyhow,
about a year or 2 ago, before we had a referral, i truely thought i might be pregnant. all i could envision was months of pain, headaches, thyroid issues, and while i had a toddler and an infant! dh thought it was kind of funny and even mentioned "my 3 sons!" thinking surely any bios we had would be another boy!
Meanwhile, i just cried my head off knowing if we added to our family a 3rd time that was it, and as we did not yet have a referral, that would be the end of our adoption process.
i cried for like 3 weeks, didnt go out, or answer my phone, and then whalaa...it was not a pregnancy. AND we could continue our path towards adoption!

I know this is not the usual way of look at things, but i just thought i'd through that into the mix.
in spite of my rough and bittersweet adoption path, i find this a really neat and miraculous way to add to my family.
I feel really blessed to have been able to add kids to our family both biologically and through adoption and i know both ways bring out in me the same "mommy love"! as im sure all of you also know.
for those of you contemplateing pregnancy i wish you blessings in your decisions, for those of you broken hearted by not having a biological child at this point, my heart and prayers go out to you, as i cant imagine how you must feel at times.

what a neat topic.
to see what various dreams, heartaches, and other paths bring us all to this special wonderful way of bringing our children home: adoption!

lets hear more "paths" that lead to this adoption decision!

sorry if i got a little off topic, but this is near and dear to my heart, as it is to all of yours!

cris...who LOVES the topic of adoption, and the joy it has brought to our family!

[bjmom]

This is an interesting topic. A friend recently e-mailed me that once we get our daughter home, I will get pregnant.

I was somewhat annoyed, b/c she knows about my pregnancy problems. Had no trouble conceiving, carrying or delivering our sons. But then I lost 3 babies in a year and a half to stillbirth, late miscarriage and early miscarriage. I have no problems getting pg. and have wondered what would happen if we had an "oops," but then I realize that most likely it would be another loss due to the fact that I have some sort of autoimmune problem where blood clots form on the placenta preventing nourishment from reaching the baby.

We most likely would not be adopting if we had not lost these pregnancies, so this is God's plan for our family.

[melgrant]

I'm an adopted adult. My parents couldn't have children biologically, but they adopted 3 of us (at separate times). I know my parents love me very much -- certainly as much as they would have loved a bio child. Yet even now, 43 years later, my mother mourns never having gotten pregnant. She firmly believes that when she gets to Heaven, she'll finally get to experience pregnancy and childbirth. To her it just wouldn't be Heaven without that.

Adoption makes you a mother, but I don't imagine it could fully heal the wound left by not being able to experience something that it is so normal to want. Just as adoption provides a child with a home, but it doesn't fully heal the would left by being separated from that original family.

So even though I haven't experienced what you're talking about, I think it must be perfectly normal to find that adoption doesn't wipe out the desire for pregnancy. My respect goes out to those who are strong enough to acknowledge it.

Melissa

[carney10]

Our situation is the opposite way, we have a bio son who is 9. When he was 5 we decided to have another child, with no luck and lots of fertility we have pursues adoption and glad we did.
Now, I do get the statement all the time "you will get pregnant now!" . Ok, besides both of us having fertility issues, the odds just are not there.
But- I am one of those babies! My mother adopted my sis and then found out she was pregnant with me. You hear about it all the time, but the chance is only like 4%, I think. My sister and I are 8 months apart.
Good luck,
Lisa

[Kate'sMom2B]

I had this feeling at the beginning of our 1st adoption, although I already had 2 bios. I had flown out of state to witness the birth of a niece...and my referral video of my son was in the hands of my sister at the hospital (I had the agency send it there). So, I watched her deliver her daughter and it was beautiful. Then I had to get permission to go into another hospital room because the room my sister in didn't have a video player. I watched with a heavy heart, and although I was so excited about receiving his video, I felt like maybe I wanted to have another bio baby. In fact, we turned that referral down. A week later, I had changed my mind and called the agency back and luckily he was still available (a miraculous story in itself which I'll share some other time). Thank Goodness...our Russian son is the kindest most caring child I've ever met.

My MIL had a difficult time getting pregnant after her first son, so she decided to adopt. In fact, the doctor said she likely wouldn't be able to have more kids. She adopted dh's 2nd oldest brother at birth, in fact she was well into her pregnancywith dh when she realized she was pregnant again. Dh and that brother are only 5.5 months apart. 2 years later she gave birth to another son, and almost died so they told her no more bio kids. She wanted to adopt a little girl but her husband didn't want to.

[kacmom1]

Hi...My husband and I went about the whole adoption thing similar to some of you. We were lucky enough to have 4 healthy bio kids....easy getting pregnant, easy pregnancies and births. After number 4, I just couldn't get over the feeling that there was another baby somewhere in this world waiting for us. The feeling was so strong for a year or so and the feeling wouldn't leave me. I just knew that I'd have another baby...and not necessarily by birth. So, finally, I convinced my husband of this and we decided to give a home to an orphan somewhere. And we chose Guatemala. My husband was in the military for a while and he spent a lot of time in Central America. During that time, he saw so many orphaned children and so many children living in extreme poverty and we always thought that we'd love to help one of those kids one day. So, here we are...with an awesome 2 year old Guatemalan son. There are a few pretty amazing circumstances that led to our son....and it just proves to me without a doubt that it was him who was waiting for me! The night after we decided to adopt, I started researching. On that first day of research, I found a picture on the internet of this sweet little boy...the 2nd picture that I looked at...and I told my husband that this was going to be our son. As soon as I saw him, I just knew it was him. My husband tried not to let me get my hopes up, but I did anyway. Then, after a month or so, the boy's picture was gone. He was no longer available for adoption. I was sad but still not convinced that he was "gone". Three months later, when we got our referral the picture that we received was the same little boy that I saw on that first day. The family that was to adopt him filed for divorce and the adoption was canceled. It's amazing how things happen! It still amazes me!

About the craving a bio child while adopting....yep, me too! Who knows why....my husband thinks I'm addicted to kids!!!! I thought several times during the adoption process...what if I get pregnant?? And lots of friends said to me..."I'll bet you will get pregnant now!". It didn't happen....but I do still think about it.


Enough rambling...good night!

[jlcoffey1274]

Interesting, Touching and beautiful stories...

Thanks so much for sharing your wonderful and for some of you, painful journeys. They are all so touching and enlightening... I am sorry for those of you who have had painful times and infertility. It must be difficult at times... Yet, I appreciate your views on this subject...

I guess, for me, knowing that a pregnancy will not do me well (physically or emotionally...) , and Yet, I can still get pregnant and both baby and I would be healthy....but, would rather adopt..... This yearning to adopt won't quit either~I have always dreamed of adoption...even from a young age.......(Can't wait to have the little one home)

The issue I was trying to spark and may not have worded it is that DH says 2 kids, I crave more...... is that enough.... Which he is right in that 2 would be managable (since we travel on surfing trips a lot) but is two hectic enough... I love the idea of lots of beautiful children running around.. (infact, I nannied for a family of 6 ~5 bio (blond hair blue eyed and all short and Irish) 1 biracial domestic adopted handsome man, who is Tallere than his brother who is 2 yrs older.... for 8 years.. from 3 of them to 6 of them... it was awesome.

Not to mention the gaggle of grandchildren I would have in the way off future!!!

So I thought, hummm sick to think in the first place.... what if "I" selfishly sabotaged my birth control and planned an oopsy... I have been having dreams about being pregnant and loving it.......BUT thank god the feeling passed last night with a nightmareish.... pregnancy!!!

Thanks for all your stories.... Julie

[tjlombard]

Just a quick add on here.
We tried for 5 years to get preg. 4.5 into it we adopted our DD from Guat. We kept hearing that "you get preg now stuff." For a while I wanted it to be true. Then I realized after getting preg with help and a miscarriage that I wanted to adopt again and would be super happy with just "my 2 Guats"
I told my DH no more fertility stuff, no more tests etc
we were Guat bound.
Then..........seriously suprised we got preg. But for a while I was so scared and NOT happy about it.
Weird huh??
Now we are happy (in 6 mohths we will be dumb and happy and tired) .
So I feel like God knows what is best. 3 under age 3 for us
He will direct you if another preg is on your radar

[mac308]

I am lucky to have not had to go through infertility testing and trying... I really don't feel a strong desire to have bio children, except for the fact that I would love to have 4 children (not only 2).

jlcoffey: I think I'm like you... want a big family with LOTS of kids running around. Don't care how I get there- just can't afford 4 Guatemalan adoptions

Megan