[mybodhibaby]

Since our son is already 7 mos. old and with the knowledge that realistically he could be 9 mos. or more before we bring him home, I am wondering about the separation from the foster mother. When we visited him when he was only 2 and half mos. old there was no problem. He easliy transferred from caretaker to caretaker and was so sweet. From the photos I have of him, I can read the attachment he has with the foster mother. This is a positive thing, but my heart breaks just thinking about taking him from her and whisking him away to a brand new environment. I know he will adjust to his new home but I'd like to hear if anyone else had or has similar concerns as one's baby is nearing the attachment phase of child development. Thank you.

[jpfister]

We brought David home at 12 months old. He was with his WONDERFUL foster family for that entire time and we had absolutely no problems whatever! I truly think it depends upon the child and their disposition.

[angelkisses0102]

As the mom of a young infant who suffered from attachment issues...we got our son just as he turned 8 months old...I suggest reading up on attachment parenting and bonding in general. I strongly believe my son also suffered from grief in the loss of his caretakers...he was in a great orphanage...and that simply added to his anxious attachment.

Being prepared for the issues which may arise is your best plan of action. Understanding what the baby is going through will help you deal with him. The good news is that once a baby has been able to form an attachment, in most cases their transition is much easier than a child who has never formed a strong attachment.

I also strongly believe that the baby's personality plays a huge role in their transition...our daughter was in a much worse situation than our son...yet she attached nicely.

Good luck...may his attachment go smoothly and may you bring him home soon.

[Sleepymom]

We brought the twins home the week they turned 10 months. That week was really hard, and the following week was no picnic. They were so sad, truly greiving and scared out of their little minds.

We had visited once (when they were 5 turning 6 months old) and it was great. They didn't seem to recognize us at all (which I understand from a Child Development standpoint).

We took things slow, held them alot. Wore them around in baby Bjorn's. Made sure that my husband and I were the only feeders, put to bedders, diaper changers, etc.

After those first two weeks we saw major improvement in their general dispositions. They are happy and easy going little kids.

Now, they've been home almost 1.5 months and things are really going well. It is great to see and be a part of!

[dianneemily]

Our daughter came home at 8.5 months of age. The first few days and nights were definitely difficult. She cried and seemed to be searching the environment looking for someone familiar. She was calmed by music (which continues to intrigue, excite and calm her now, too). After the first 3-4 days, she was more calm and even smiled a few times and each week got better. Sleep issues continued for several months (and still occur, although I am unsure if this is as much attachment issues still, or just her personality).

She has been home 10 months and she is wonderfully adjusted, doing great and I have people who comment all the time about how happy and friendly she is and how much she loves her mommy and daddy

I do think alot depends on your baby's personality. I think our daughter definitely grieved and was confused but she did great considering and continues to do extremely well. She went through a time at 12-14 months of age where she was very clingy to me and still is that way at times, but again not sure if that is adoption related or just typical.

We did hold her alot, carry her in a sling, only let me or my husband feed and bathe her, and just showered her with as much affection and attention as we could. There have been great lists on this forum in the past about promoting bonding and I found them helpful as well.

Good luck and best wishes for a smooth transition.

[Pamsko]

I truly think it depends on the disposition of the child. My advice is to read up on everything you can about attachment, bonding, and parenting to facilitate bonding. That way, you are prepared for the worst -- even if it doesn't happen.

We brought home a toddler at 17 months and it was 2 solid months of H*(# and then, day by day, it got a little better and a little better. We still have a rotten day here or there, but on the most part, what we are experiencing is just terrible twos and not attachment issues.


Good luck! Hope it all goes well~

[pjkay720]

I was very nervous about Dante coming home after spending nine months with his foster mother. He turned 9 months on April 9th and we brought him home April 15th. I think it all depends on the kids, but from what I've read most have easy going personalities. Dante adjusted great. Our first night in the hotel with him was rough as he cried for four hours. He was tired and left with two strangers who had no idea what his bedtime routine was. I just held him a lot to let him know he was safe. The next night at the hotel he cried 10 minutes before bed and the third night it was less than a minute. He did wonderful with traveling and didn't seem to mind the plane at all. Once home we just gave him his space. He was crawling so we just let him explore. He has slept in his own crib since coming home. He gets a cup a milk before bed and I rock him a little bit. As soon as his eyes start to close he will squirm as to let me know it's time to put him down. I then lay him in his crib turn on a night light and he goes to bed. I can't even begin to tell you how much I worried about taking him from the only mother he ever knew, but now I'm that person that he adores. He follows me every where I go and always wants mommy and daddy to cuddle and play with him.. It's just the best!