[shellysarita]

My husband would like to connect with parents who adopted from Guatemala after having bio children. He would like to hear people's experiences, good and bad, of the transition in their family life. How did your bio kids handle it? Did the initial excitement wear off? Did they experience "buyer's remorse" (I hope this is not taken as offensive as I am not referring to the money spent on adoption, but this term is the closest I can come up with to describe the feelings dh is afraid our children may have). Thanks in advance.
Shelly

[shelbydog]

I would love to know the answers to this too...our bio son is 3, and when we were trying to explain that after our visit, Mia can't come home quite yet, he asked, "But where is her Mommy?" I wasn't prepared for that quite so soon I just explained she is with someone who loves her very much and is taking care of her, and that I am going to be her Mommy...he is very young to understand, but I am curious about your question for when he gets older.

[tricecm]

When we adopted for the first time, we had 3 bio boys. They were 13, 9 and 7. They had to be a part of the homestudy process and had to know right up front what was going on. The homestudy workers really grilled them on it. They were asked (with us being asked to go to a different room) how they felt about it, and what did they think about having a child of color become their sister.

They apparently passed, because we were given a nice homestudy. During the long months of waiting for Rosie, they were aching for her. When she came home, they were absolutely thrilled.

There are sometimes when it's clear that the honeymoon is over (she's been home for 17 months now), but still--they are in love with her.

Now, my husband is in Guatemala on the pickup trip for our second one. When we went through the homestudy update interview, again parents were asked to leave the room when kids were interviewed. This time we left, but eavesdropped. Our oldest one said he was "kind of dreading" it, but now when we get picture updates he will nonchalantly saunter over to the computer to see. He doesn't want anyone to know how excited he really is. 15 year olds are like that.

There are certainly adjustments, but it has been good. And, now that I am an adult, I am so glad these kids have each other for adulthood.

[dixiemom]

Our son was 4 when we went to bring Carmen home. He had talked about her as if she were already home for quite a while. However, when we got there he would tell her he hated her. It took a good 2-3 weeks before he came around. She came home in March and now he is nutty about her! He LOVES to make her giggle and she thinks he is the best thing in the world. The only thing that is still a little problem is that since my dh works a lot and isn't home a whole lot, he does NOT want him near Carmen. He wants daddy all to himself. Aside from that, he is Carmen's best buddy. It just takes some time. Yesterday he told me he was going to marry her when he grows up

[lisam951]

Our dd was 8 when we started the adoption process for Marisol. She had wanted a baby sister for a long time. She was the first one to actually say that we should adopt. We included her in the entire process, meetings with the agency, visit and pickup trips, getting things ready for Marisol at home. Marisol was 17 months when we brought her home. They love each other very much and there has been minimal conflict. They are now 28 months and 9.75 yo. Sometimes when Kara just needs to do her own thing, the little one doesn't understand why she can't have big sisters full attention. I will step in and get Marisol interested in something else. But for the most part, Kara spends a lot of time with her sister and enjoys her very much.

[wvamom]

There has been no difference in our family between adding a bio sibling (which we have done twice) and an adopted one, except that our kids are a lot older and more mature now. Our bio kids were all totally thrilled about getting a little brother from Guatemala, and basically they still are, except that now that he's been home for awhile they have the typical sibling conflicts--my dad used to call it "sniveling rivalry."

Our older daughter, who is 16, is like a mother to Joseph; our second daughter has really matured from being the "baby" to being a huge help with Joseph. At first she was a little resentful at being expected to help take care of him, but now she is excited about it. And our son loves his brother (although he doesn't have as much "nurturing" tendencies as his sisters, and wants him to stay out of his "stuff").

I really can't tell any difference in their relationships than if Joseph had grown inside me.

Carolyn