[Annee]

Hi Everybody:

Greetings from somebody who has dropped off the face of the earth! Our sweetpea leaves little time for checking the forum (or showering or eating )

I've checked the archives for sleeping info. We're just not sure what to do at this point. We've had our son for just 3 weeks so we know that much of this may be transitional. He's 10.5 months old and was with his foster mom from 2 days old, and we know he was very attached to her.

Here's the sleep (or lack thereof) story: Jesse is routinely waking up after 20 minutes. Yep, 20 minutes. All night long. He'll go back to sleep if we pick him up and hold him...sometimes it takes 5 minutes and sometimes it takes 25 minutes to get him back to sleep. You do the math: nobody, including Jesse, is getting any sleep around here. Our pediatrician said he is "overtired" and advised us to use the Ferber method but we are pretty horrified at the prospect of doing that with a baby who has only been home a few weeks and is still bonding with us. We've tried co-sleeping which we enjoy but he still wakes up every 20 or so minutes and will not be comforted in the bed. We MUST pick him up and walk around with him.

His ears are fine. He has been teething, and we know that can contribute to sleep problems, but waking every 20 minutes????? He's sooooo tired now that he can't sleep, and quite honestly he's cranky all day long. And without him taking any naps longer than 20 minutes, it's that much more time during the day that we're scrambling like crazy to find things for him to do. Most activity is acceptable for 10 or 15 minutes max...then the screaming starts. We're trying to increase his physical activity, but he'll only tolerate most activities for a very short time and then screams to be held. We've got him up to 5 minutes in the Exersaucer and maybe 5 minutes in the jumper before he screams to be picked up. We took him to the pool today to get him some exercise and are hoping that it helps with his sleep tonight.

At 10.5 months he's not yet crawling and we're wondering if this is contributing to his crankiness. It must be frustrating to be stuck in one spot.

We look for the cues that he's sleepy and ready for a nap (to hit "the window of sleep opportunity"), but quite honestly he's so blasted tired that he's always rubbing his eyes and yawning.

Is the answer just that we need to quit worrying and whining about it and that this will pass? Or are we setting the stage for ongoing problems by continuing to pick him up and walk him back to sleep? At some point we are going to drop from sheer fatigue. I'm still recovering from the stomach virus that both Jesse and I brought back from Guatemala, and my husband goes back to work part-time tomorrow. Can you hear the panic in my voice???

[Annee]

Here's a picture of Jesse enjoying a few minutes in the Exersaucer! He really is a sweet and affectionate baby who loves to laugh - he's just exhausted right now!

[coachmom]

have you tried giving him some calcium lactate?-I give that to my toddler whe she has a hard time sleeping. I just crush it up and put it in some yogurt. Just a suggestion... Doretta

[JohnnaMJH]

Oh he's so cute!!!

I am so sorry about the sleep problems. You must be wiped out. I have tried the Ferber type method w/one of my sons who woudln't nap at all. I agree, it is generally accepted that Feberizing a newly adopted child isn't the best choice. But, after I thought about your situation, I remember that w/us, it took two days and then he was sleeping just fine. It's like he just needed to realize he could sleep on his own in the crib. He was so much more rested and would wake up all happy.

That said, it may not work. I would maybe try the Ferber type thing for a short time and see what happens. Does he seem to start fading, or is he going to get hysterical and sweaty and throw up? The latter would obviously be unacceptable, especially for him given his situation.

I know there are other 'no cry' sleep solutions but I just don't know that much about them. I do kind of agree that at this point, you probably don't want to start something if you really don't want to live with it for the long term.

I am really sorry. This is one of the hardest things. It may be a matter of riding it out, but hopefully if that's what you have to do, it's not for long!

JohnnaMJH

[shelbydog]

I would try the Ferber method. If he continues to have so little sleep, that would be worse than just toughing out for a night or 2 with Ferber. The Ferber method is not "cry it out." Your child knows you are there - you are helping him learn how to go to sleep on his own, which is a gift in itself - children actually develop as they sleep! Not to mention, his lack of sleep will eventually catch up to him and could start a bad habit. I believe by trying Ferber, you are helping him, not hurting him. You can still show him that you love him. We've done Ferber several times with our son and it works like a charm. By the second or 3rd night he is sleeping through the night without waking. Our ped. actually has a handout for parents on it for children who are having trouble sleeping.

Babies naturally wake several times through the night - it is part of their sleep patterns, but many need to "learn" how to put themselves back to sleep. If he is used to you going in each time to get him back to sleep, he'll never learn on his own.

If you try it, everyone in our household should be in agreement, and be prepared for a rough night or two, but in the end you and he will be thankful you did it!

Good luck and I hope it gets better for you!

[waiting4lilly]

Hi! I am new to this forum and I don't usually respond because I don"t type fast or spell well but I have three bio boys and I thought I could help. With all three of them for the first 2 o maybe 4 months I put them to sleep in a bounce chair that also had a viborator(spell) in it. You could try that and then put the chair in the crib or better yet on the floor after he falls asleep so that he is safe. He is big enough to tip the chair over if he tries to roll over.
The other thing I would try is (and this may sound like druging him) but baby Motrin it' good for 8 hours or tylonal(spell) good for 4 hours. If he is overtired then the they my relax him just enough to calm him down to stay asleep.
All these are just temperary fixes but as he adjusts to his new life things will get easier.
I hope this helps and if you want to talk somemore PM me and I will get back to you.
Good luck and he is a beautiful boy.

Cathy

[jnancynancy]

I haven't been in your shoes yet, but our SW warned us that this is something that happens a lot. She says that when babies have gone through big changes in their lives, like coming to a new family, they usually work things out in their sleep. She said it can mean sleeping all the time "zoning out" or not sleeping "what if I wake up and this is all gone?" She also mentioned it isn't unusual for there to be a "honeymoon stage" and then they need to figure out what they have been through.


I think I would just comfort him for now. I know it is hard when you have been sick, but hang in there he will figure it all out. When he has come through enough nights and realizes you will still be there in the morning maybe he will be able to sleep more calmly.

I sometimes think we under estimate their grief. They've gained us as parents and that is a great thing for them we know, but they have also lost the woman they new as "Mom". I think you should follow your gut. In your post you mentioned how much he loved his fm and I think you are right on the money.

Good luck and feel better!
Nancy

[grtmom]

HI - Just a thought, but I'm wondering if there's any way that you could find out exactly what the routine was that he had before and try that. My little one had a lot of problems sleeping when he was younger and we found later that he didn't like routine changes. Best of luck. He's a cutie.

[DPline]

Lauren had similar sleep issues when she came home at 11 months old. We would rock/walk her to sleep and then she would wake up 3, 4, 5 or more times a night. Several wonderful people here suggested the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" it helped us immensely. Personally I would not use the Ferber method on a child who has been home such a short time, but that is a very personal decision. In Lauren's case, and it took the book for me to really figure it out/accept it, she was very overtired and just could not settle down. (Similar to what your pediatrician said.) We started following the schedule the book suggested. Very early to bed one night to get back on track (like 5:30 pm) then in bed at 6:00 PM, up at 6:00 AM, and naps at 9:00 am and 1:00 pm. It did WONDERS. She started putting herself to sleep and sleeping through the night and was a much happier little girl. (And I was a much happier mommy because I was sleeping!)

Good luck! I have been there and I know how hard it is!

[clazarc1]

I had these worries before we brought our baby home and a spanish women told me that a lot of hispanic women use Humphreys 3 to help with their child's sleeping. It is a homeopathic preparation for teething and wakefulness. We used it on our son a few times when he was sick and couldn't sleep. I like it because it is made with natural ingredients. I believe it is only sold behind the counter. We found it at Walmart. We asked the pharmacy and they had it. Good luck and before you know it he will be comfortable and in a sleep pattern.

Christine

[Kesti]

no advice for the sleep but he is a doll!

[geekster]

Camille wouldn't sleep more than 20 to 30 minutes for a LONG time so we have already discussed a plan of attack in case Carlos has the issue. We will just put him in the bed with us until he is more settled in and then gradually move him to a crib. I HOPE that being close to us for a few days will help the transition. One never knows, every baby is different.

From practice with Camille, try Soy Formula. Also, the less they sleep the less they can sleep. Maybe if you could take a long drive and he could get a good long nap in the car it would start a pattern of longer sleeping.

I don't think it will work to do more activity as that will make him more tired and thus less able to sleep. I think I would look for a long prep time before sleep. Nice long warm bath followed by a nice massage, low lights, soft music, warm bottle of milk, reduce activity for the last hour before you want him to sleep.

Oh, and most babies have trouble staying awake in the mall in a nice comfy stroller.

Hope that helps.

[rjjacob]

I read the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" before Jacie came home. It helped us alot as well. We did not have sleep issues when Jacie came home- but we did as the book suggested right from the start. She goes down at 7pm, sleeps til 7am and takes 2 naps during the day. You can also try the Ferber Method for a night or two and see if that helps. He's a doll and I hope you both get some rest soon.

[pmgor]

TAke a look at the "no cry sleep solution" my son also didn't sleep for more than 20 minutes, it turns out that he was waking after the first sleep cycle. She suggests that you prepare for it and wait and right before he wakes you tap him gently or rub him etc and he will learn to continue sleeping. Totally worked for us.

Also he could be teething, have you tried giving him some Motrin or Tylenol?

He's a doll!!

[qs mom]

Maybe he needs a little more comfort time with you. Have you tried 'wearing' him with a sling?

Maybe if he feels you most of the day, he will start to feel more comfortable and bonded, thus feeling better about sleeping.

Just a thought.