[Devora]

Hi!

I always get so much out of reading long posts about people’s visits and pick-up trips. It has really given me encouragement as well as helped me to prepare for our own visit. So I thought I would contribute by sharing about our visit.

We arrived in Guatemala on a Thursday evening. Our flight was a little late leaving Dallas so we didn’t get to the Marriott until about 9pm. It was good to have that first evening to unpack, get oriented a little, and get a good night’s sleep. The next morning we were up early and waited for the phone call telling us when our attorney would be there with the foster family. At about 11:15am the call came, but it was to say that they were there!

We went downstairs to the lobby and met them. Our attorney was holding our hoped-for-son. She handed him over to me after just a few minutes. I think it might have been easier on his fostermom that the attorney was the one who handed him over. It was amazing, but a little unreal feeling at that point. I couldn’t focus on anything much besides him and so wasn’t much of a conversationalist. We invited them up to our room then (we had a single-level suite) so that we could have a more comfortable conversation. I carried our little one up, but he was more interested in my husband – he kept watching him and smiled at him right away. My husband said that maybe it was his glasses that were fascinating but our attorney joked that it was because of his bald head.

In our suite I continued to hold him. We had a list of questions prepared (good thing!) and our attorney suggested that one of us take notes. In addition to the common questions about feeding, sleeping, etc., a few additional questions we asked that were helpful were: Does he have a routine to go to sleep? What are his favorite songs, toys, activities? What does he find funny? Is there anything he is afraid of? What works best when he’s crying and you don’t know why? We also asked what they call him and we learned that his nickname is Pinito. Yes, for those who speak Spanish, it does mean “Little Pine Tree.” Apparently there’s a brand of milk by that name and the kids like the jingle on the commercial so they started calling him Pinito. (We looked for the milk at the nearby grocery store but didn’t find it.) We didn’t feel rushed in our questions and it was fun to hear little stories about him. They stayed for about 45 minutes. I could tell that it was hard for the fostermom and her niece to leave him, but they were very nice about it.

And then we were alone with him for the first time. The most wonderful part about that first afternoon was watching my husband with Pinito. My husband is a very in-the-present-moment kind of person. So when we’re at home and Pinito isn’t here it can seem at times like he’s not that interested in the adoption process. But as soon as Pinito was with us, he was 110% focused on him. A couple of times when he fussed I offered to take him, but my husband wouldn’t give him up.

The first night was rough, but not because of the baby. He was great! But I got sick and in my misery my mind ran wild with thoughts that we couldn’t take care of him in the hotel if I was sick and that we would have to call the attorney the next day and take him back to his foster family. Mind you, there was absolutely no basis for these fears!! While I was in bed (and the bathroom) thinking all of this, my husband was giving him his final bottle and rocking him to sleep. Pinito proceeded to sleep through the night, just like his foster mother said he usually does. I was still a little sick the next day so we took it very easy. Pinito and I slept together for a morning nap which was wonderful and helped me to start to feel a little more at ease. By the next day I felt almost entirely better (just a little winded from not eating) and all the fears of the first night were gone.

The rest of the visit was incredible. Our little one was with us for 6 days and 5 nights, so it was a longer visit than many people do. However, I really recommend staying that long if you can. I don’t think I would stay longer as that might get too hard on the baby. But this was enough time that we could get to know him better and vice versa. Although he seemed happy and at ease from the beginning, after a few days we saw signs of him really being much more attached to us – he would watch us when we walked around the room, smile so happily when we came in after he woke up from a nap, snuggle more, hold our fingers more while he ate and when we walked around, etc. We also got to see little signs of motor development just in those 6 days – he would reach more confidently and capably for his toys, we played finger games with him and he started copying them, and he went from his face being buried in his blanket when we put him on his tummy to easily lifting his head up. He also almost rolled over, but not quite.

He did have a bit of a problem with gas on two nights. There’s nothing like having your baby scream for 90 minutes to make you feel like a parent! But we found a position that helped him (mom had the magic!) And as soon as he was comfortable he was very calm and relaxed again. I had thought about taking gas drops but did not – I recommend that anyone traveling take them! Better to have them and not need them. We did get some from the pharmacy there for the next night. More importantly, we figured out a large part of what was causing the problem. New parents, take heed: if you put the formula in the bottle first and then fill it to the 7 oz line you don’t actually have 7 oz of water in there because the formula mixture takes up some of the volume. Consequently, you have a thicker formula. Pinito drank it just fine – but apparently his little digestive system didn’t like it quite so thick. So put the water in first and then add in the appropriate amount of formula! We warmed the bottles by setting it in water that had been run through the coffee maker – it worked just fine. (Luckily, he’ll also take it at room temperature.)

We stayed at the hotel, per our attorney’s request. She did offer to have her son take us to Antigua for a day which we thought about doing. But we decided not to because we were doing so well with knowing when Pinito needed to sleep and eat and we didn’t want to disrupt that since he was doing so well. Although we love traveling, we were there for a very different purpose so although it felt odd not to go out and see things, we felt much better about focusing on our little one and not dragging him around a lot of places. I think the quieter time made for more attachment time. We did take turns going outside of the hotel by ourselves, mostly just to the grocery store and pharmacy. I was definitely ready to get out of there at the end of the visit, but not ready to leave him.

One practical thing that I know many people take but that we got along perfectly fine without was a stroller. (The Marriott does have some to borrow if they’re available.) Instead we took a baby sling (the Maya Wrap pouch) which Pinito liked and really worked out much better for us. I think it’s also yet one more way to promote attachment. Because we were at the same “level” we could talk with him and interact more with him while we were walking around and after a couple of days he almost constantly held onto the finger of whomever was holding him. If he had been in a stroller we wouldn’t have had those interactions. (But I know strollers work better for some people.)

Leaving him was unbelievably hard. But at least it wasn’t abrupt. We spent about 90 minutes with his fostermom and her 15-year old daughter. Our attorney was running late, but the hotel staff helped when my rudimentary Spanish failed me and we also showed them the digital photos and video we had taken during the week. They really liked that and it reassured them (especially the daughter who is obviously very attached to him) that he was happy with us. They were also very gracious – they brought us a couple of little gifts and his fostermom told me that we would be wonderful parents. Although I cried some right after he left, it didn’t really hit me until the next night when we were back in the US when I started crying and couldn’t stop for a couple of hours. Luckily we were with supportive family and friends which helped a lot. We are incredibly blessed to have so many thoughtful, loving people in our lives. Each day it did get better. We were with my in-laws for the first 5 days after leaving Guatemala and then came home. It helps me to talk about the visit with people so I’m using the strategy that’s helped before and dragging that out – talking with a couple of people each day instead of sending out one mass email to all of our friends and family. I am reassured that he’s happy and healthy and in a loving home. And I do have plenty to do to fill the time while we wait. We intentionally hadn’t bought hardly anything (furniture, car seat, etc.) prior to this point so that there would be plenty of fun baby-preparations to do between the visit and his homecoming. I also have my dissertation defense in a couple of weeks and plenty of prepping to do for my new teaching job in the fall. So it’s not like I’m sitting around with nothing to distract me.

I had thought about not visiting because of how difficult I thought it would be to leave and it actually hurt much more than I had anticipated. But I still am glad we visited and especially that we were there for so long. We left a photo album with our pictures (which by the end of the visit he would smile at) and with photos of our home and his grandparents. We also have some “duplicate” items that we left with him so that there will be familiar toys and blankets when we bring him home.

So, those are the highlights from our trip! I won’t post pictures until the final adoption decree is signed, but trust me – he’s beautiful!! Even other parents at the hotel who had their own Guatemalan beauties with them commented on him! For now we’re waiting for the Family Court report to be issued (all of the interviews are done, but we seem to have one of the slower social workers writing the report) and then it’s on to PGN. Our attorney said that, overall, things are running very smoothly with the new PGN so we’re hopeful.

Best wishes to everyone who’s waiting!
Devora

[Amykk]

It sounds like a wonderful visit - thanks for sharing. Good advice re: the gas drops - we luckily took them and they were invaluable.

[deborahromero]

Welcome back!

Sounds like you had a wonderful trip. Wish you would have traveled before me to give me the formula advice. A story for another time.

PGN here you come.

Blessings.

[cr653]

devora,
thanks for sharing your visit trip.
i love all the details.
it's so wonderful to hear the ins and outs of
everyone's trip(s)

cris.

[tandc999]

Thanks Devora for sharing your visit trip with all of us. I have found a few remarks you made very useful as our visit trip starts a week from Sunday. Glad you had a great time with your little guy and I hope that he comes home soon.

[RLK913]

Devora -

Sounds like you had a wonderful trip. Thanks so much for sharing your beautiful story with us.

When I went to pick up my son, he was also having a gas problem and I had no gas drops in the middle of the night, but my mom (bless her!) showed me a trick - she layed him down on his back and pressed his knees slowly up to his chest and that position seemed to help to release the gas trapped inside and made him much happier!

I hope that you are back in Guatemala soon to pick up your son!!

[BebitosMama]

Great visit!! Glad you were able to recoup quickly to enjoy your time with the baby!!!!!!!

Enjoyed the writeup immensely as well!!!

Can't wait till we see Pinito!!! (Love the nickname!)

[DSRMama]

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences! It does really help to hear all the ups and downs! I hope the rest of the process moves quickly for you!

Laura

[csw]

Hi
I always had long visits of 7-10 days..it is very hard to leave for sure..sounds like you have a terrific foster family and a wonderful son..aside from the gas (we brought gas drops each time) and he is sleeping so well..
Can't wait to hear you are out of PGN and see a photo..
Thanks for sharing..

[JLStoltzie]

Thanks for sharing the story of your trip. It is comforting to read about the process and visit trips while we wait. Sometimes it helps it seem more real than it does! I hope you fly through PGN.

[cshefts]

Hi Devora - we met at the Marriott with our beautiful babies! (I was the one with the little girl with LOTS of hair, 3 1/2 months, and with my hubby and 2 boys. It was great talking to you and I am glad you enjoyed your trip. I'm going back July 19 with my Mom to go visit again. We are also waiting on Family Court, we have our preapproval. Let's pray for speedy PGN! Colleen

[jnancynancy]

Devora thanks for posting. It is so great to read everyone's stories. It makes me feel like it will really happen for me some day. It must have felt great to have him with you for such a long stay.

I'm sorry you were sick and had a little flip out, but what is a vacations with out a flip out!

I hope he is home forever soon!
Nancy

[carolterry16]

Thanks for sharing about your visit trip. Hopefully soon it will be a pick-up trip!!

[tippytalk]

I know what you mean about the formula mixed too thick and a screaming baby! We wrote everything down that his fostermom told us about his schedule, but mixing the formula got skipped. By evening of the first day our poor little guy had a major tummy ache. We asked another adoptive parent how they mixed theirs and got it right the next day.....much happier baby!
~MM

[Mary Mulcahy]

Devora, glad to hear you had such a great visit. I remember when I visited Danny I was "sick as a dog" but fine after 24 hours. Good thing my parents went with me. I look forward to hearing your out and seeing a picture of your little guy. Good luck
Mary, mom to Danny and Ricco