[GuatMommy2Be]

Hi -

Do these typically take longer then non-abandonement cases? The agency I'm looking into gives you referrals that have already been delcared abandoned.

I'm assuming our referral would be 1+ years old.. Did anyone have a problem getting "settled" in with their tot?

Thanks.

[BebitosMama]

I can't speak to the problem of getting settled in yet, because I haven't brought home Bebito, but due to delays in PGN, it looks like the 9/10 month old baby we thought we'd be bringing home will actually be more like 14-15 months old.

I just read a book, Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft, by Mary Hopkins Best, and I have to say, for anyone bringing home a baby from around 7 months of age and up, it had amazingly valuable information on the adoption process, and adapation for children who came from both a loving undisrupted foster home, and children who came from perhaps multiple care givers, or who had more difficult times before their adoption.

It's been a fantastic book, and I highly recommend it to anyone pondering a toddler adoption, planning a toddler adoption, finding themselves in a toddler adoption due to circumstance, or anyone who is adopting or has brought home an older baby or toddler.

[Dolphins1]

We brought our daughter home at 15 months and it was difficult. It took about 9 months to see the light come back into her eyes. The older the child, the more difficult it is for transition. I would not try and persuade anyone against adopting an older child. However, it is very important to be prepared for the transition.

Good Luck.

[DPline]

Our son's case was not an abandonment, so I can't speak to that, but he was a year old when we got his referral and 20 months when he came home. (He had been with his foster family since birth.) I definetly agree with BebitosMama and highly recommend the Toddler Adoption book. Don't let it scare you, but I think it gives you great insight into the issues you may be dealing with. That said, Daniel has done amazingly well with the transition. Better than I ever could have hoped. We have had our rough days, but mostly good, and overall he has been a happy, loving little boy since the day he came home.

[brink]

Our three kids were all declared "abandoned". This can be a lengthy process, and was in our cases. Usually agencies only refer kids who are already declared abandoned or "free" for adoption. In our daughter's case, we asked for her, not knowing she hadn't yet been declared abandoned. That added to the process considerably. The director of the orphanage knew us from our previous adoptions and contact in the states, so she told us this little girl could be ours, once her decree came thru. She came home in Feb this yr and is doing great. She aged 2 1/2 yrs or more from the time we asked, finished paperwork, and traveled to bring her home.

Our boys were both 4yrs old and had no trouble adjusting. Our daughter has a few more "issues", being a 10yr old girl, but nothing very difficult to deal with... especially since we've dealt w/ four 10yr old girls growing up here already (3 bio, one US newborn adoption). Is it just her personality? The age at which she came?

I think the biggest issue is how comitted you can be to a child, come what may. Any child is going to be the child they were created to be, with the same personality and tendencies, no matter when they come into your home...that's my thot on it. But there will be some things to deal with when they come into the family at an older age.

The other important factor is what kind of love and care they've received prior. Our three came from the same small, private orphanage where they received much love, care, and discipline. You could tell that from day one. They bonded easily and well, tho it's taken our daughter longer to learn how a family operates than it did the boys. Age? Girl vs boy? Personality? We'll probably never know. We're just so thankful for the wonderful background they have...a shared history of the same wonderful first home.

[Lisa L]

My daughters case was an abandonment also, she was 19 months when she came home and has transitioned extremely well. I can't complain about a thing. I attribute some of her smooth transition to my fostering her for a few months in Guatemala. I had nothing else to do except to bond and play with her. She did not come from a healthy, stimulating environment, she was malnurished, neglected and sick. She lived in an orphanage where there were 30+ infants and 2 caregivers. When I first met her I thought she would need tons of special services to catch up developmentally. At 15 months she did not even eat solid food or know what to do with it. She walked 3 days after she was home at 19 months and without any intervention, she is completely caught up in every developmental aspect. I actually feel that she is ahead of many other 2 1/2 year olds. I am amazed every day that she is the same child that I met on that first trip. I wish you all the best on your journey.

[guatmom4113]

Our son was 19 mos old when we brought him home. His was not an abandonment case. He was nine months when the referral took place. He was 19 mos old when we brought him home. We did not visit him prior to bringing him home. We stayed seven days before leaving the country. He had bonded with his foster mother who I believe was a saint. He never cried. NOT once. He was such a good boy. He held my hair in his tiny fist that first night, I remember. I could see that he was sad, but he never cried. By the third day he was calling me "mommie." Once he got here, I had to make some changes to accommodate the style of life he was used to. We brought him home in January and he felt very isolated not having anyone to play with. I could tell by the little tantrums he would have for no reason. I enrolled him in "Diaper Gym" at the YMCA. He loved that. Then I got involved in some other play groups. My sister also gave me some good advice, if not overused. "Put him in the tub with some toys." He used to love playing in the tub with my close watch, of course. He soon adjusted and I have to say he was always so grateful for whatever we did for him. Mario is 13 now and still my angel sent from heaven. Everyone loves Mario. I believe these children are the most special of all.

[foxl]

He was not an abandonment, but our son was exactly 2 yrs. when we brought him home. It has required some patience and an open mind for (only! four months), but that is NOTHING compared to how rewarding it has been and how much we adore him.

You have had plenty of terrific advice here: prepare well, read, take classes if available, but it is well worth the prep time and effort. It's been a wonderful experience!
Linda

[Mary Pat Nixon]

I almost cried after reading your posts. We brought our little girl home at 3 1/2 months and I am ready to start the process again but this time around I would like to adopt a toddler-a little boy. I too have had concerns about the adjustment the child will have to go through but I know it will be worth it in the end.
Thanks,
Mary Pat

[lockharts]

We are in the process of adopting a little boy named Memo. Our case is an abandonment. When we started the adoption his abandonment decree was already issued. We have run into alot of snaggs along the way. I wish I could tell you what they all were, but I am afraid we have been kept in the dark. So, to answer your question, I would think they would move quicker, because you don't have to do the DNA thing and all the birth mom appointments. But in our case, it has taken longer than any other of our adoptions. Sorry to be the bearer of not so great news. KEEP IN MIND THOUGH!!!!!! I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT EVERY CASE IS DIFFERENT!!!!!

[linda s]

We accepted the referral of my son after the abandonment decree was issued, but the actual adoption process took 18 months before we were able to bring him home. We had a very difficult time and had delays at every part of the process, including numerous, numerous previos from PGN. We certainly thought and hoped that an abandonment case would process faster, but obvioulsy that did not happen. I would caution you to research your Guatemalan attorney very carefully and make sure they are very ethical before deciding.

It makes me very sad to even write that (no matter how true it is), because I could be cautioning someone against accepting a wonderful child. As difficult as our process was, it was all worth it. My son is awesome. I started fostering him at 2 1/2+ years old. We had very few adjustment issues and he is just such a happy, easy going little boy with tons of personality.

Even the best attorney's and agencies get some problem cases that just seem to be caught up in the system. It's unavoidable. And I have heard of many abandonments that finish in normal processing times with no major delays.

Just wanted to share my experience.
Good Luck