[pmgor]

When you think of your child from Guatemala or any other country, do you think of them as your child or your adopted child, and is this child any less "of your own" because you haven't had "a child of your own" ?

I'm asking because somewhere else I read a person asking for prayers so that they could have a child "of their own" while they are adopting another child.

I was very peeved by this and wonder if it's me and i'm too sensitive.

I've given birth to 2 children and have adopted one, and frankly I have never thought that he "is not my own" or my birth children are "of my own" vs a child I adopted. They are *my* children, there is no difference for me.

Ok tell me I can take it, I want to know if it's me....

[RLK913]

I don't think it is you at all!

My son is mine - regardless of where he came from or how he got here!

[Mom4Nicholas]

I just came back from a visit with my son for the first time. He is my first child. I belive that I feel the Exact Same way towards him that I would if I had given birth to him. He is the most perfect little boy in the entire world. I have always though of him as my son, never my adopted son. Because he is MY SON! And He will always be! I guess that means your not crazy!

I was having dinner with someone the other day and they said what does his "real mom" look like - That made me irritated. but, I explained the proper terminology to them. They didnt know.

Kim

[kadkins]

I know EXACTLY what you mean. My brother-in-law's (who is like our son, as he is just 19 and his Mom passed away when he was 15) girl friend continuously asks me (especially since we have started on #2) "what will you do if you get pregnant and have your own???" I answer her with the same response each time "Sam is MY OWN and Ana will be MY OWN as well!!!" I have explained to her each time that we will take precautiions because I only plan to have two children, however, if I should become pregnant, we will deal with that at the time, but a biological child would not be any more of MY OWN than my adopted children.

Now his girl friend is pregnant (she is 18 and they are not married) and she continues to tell me how she can not understand how ANYONE could put their child up for adoption urgh!!!!!!!! She has signed up on welfare and does not have a job, and of course we do not approve. However, I have tried to remain calm and tell her that in other countries, they do not provide assistance (room, board, daycare, education..............) for these Mothers, and they love their children, so they are doing what they feel is best for their child.

I deal with issues like this on a daily basis, and I am glad that I am not the ONLY sensitive person out there!!!!

This is a great thread ~ I can't wait to hear how everyone deals.

[foxl]

That person has unresolved issues and I hope their child never needs to become aware of it. Scary. I wonder how they slipped past their agency without getting counseling first?

My babies are MINE, no matter who else has mothered them in the past!

[BriellesDad]

Is Brielle mine? As much so as if she were born to us. There is no way I could love her any more whether she is from Guatema or Renee...she is my daughter, plain and simple. She is my daughter that will be loved and spoiled and pampered just as much as any biological child that I could ever have.

[csw]

It is a petpeeve of mine when people say "I have a child of my own" like adopted kids are not our own..
We know what they mean when they say it though..but..
I think we just need to educate folks..

[lisam951]

Marisol is mine as much as Kara. Kara was born to us after the doctors told us that we would not have a child without their help. We chose to see what God would do. 8 months after that, we were pregnant with Kara without medical help. We have never felt that we had anything to do with having Kara, she is a gift from God. That being said, We feel the same about Marisol. God blessed us with her and just gave her to us in a different way. I have no doubt that from the moment God created her, He created her to be in this family. She is a blessing to all of us including her big sister. She is no less our child than Kara.
I don't understand where people are coming from sometimes.

[KellyMigoya]

I have given birth to two beautiful boys and now have Princess Mia and sometimes I even forget I didn't give birth to her. Silly that someone would think blood defines a family or a child. SHe is ALL MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Heidil87]

My daughter is my daughter. Period. I feel no differently about her than I feel about my biological son. I have even tried to stop people from introducing her as "our adopted daughter" so that when she is older she won't feel any different from her brother in that regard. After all, its pretty obvious anyway Hopefully, she will be like some of my students and be proud that she is adopted or feel that it is a non issue. I just don't ever want her to feel bad about it or feel like she is loved any differently than her brother.

[ddhuab]

so sorry... I just had to chime in because we are frequently asked the question by some friends about what we would do if we got pregnant... well, if it happens early in process (pre-referral, as we have to be on a waiting list), then we would probably put the adoption on-hold for a couple of years, because I am a little scared by the prospect of having two young children so close together in age as a first time mother. IF it is AFTER referral, then we will just DEAL with it, just as people deal with having multiple births.

After we got over the shock, we would just be happy and have two children... and we would feel even MORE sure (if that is possible) that one of OUR OWN CHILDREN (the oldest one, probably) was meant to be born in Guatemala, because if we hadn't been faced with minor fertility challenges, we would not have pursued adoption at this point in our lives.


D.

[pmgor]

Thank you everyone for your support and wisdom. While nobody has said this I want to make sure I clarify that desiring to have birth children I know is a natural desire of everyone and I would still be thrilled to concieve again if that is what God wanted (though dh is fixed so that is moot point, LOL) I'm mainly concerned with the "of our own" thing and I just wanted to vent and try to figure out why this is such a hot button for me.

I really am so lucky to have found this board, it is so educational to see many points of view and a wide variety of life situations to learn from.

Many hugs to all and again thank you!!!

[marty419]

My children are MY CHILDREN! How they got there is irrelevant. I have been asked before "What happens now if you get pregnant since you've adopted?" I always tell them "Isn't God awesome! I guess I'll be blessed with 3 children instead of 2."

I agree with CSW, I think we just need to educate folks about adoption. I honestly don't think most people mean to be insensitive, they are just ignorant about adoption.

[lotterino]

I guess I'm confused...is this person in the process of adopting? I would have been thrilled (and a little shocked) had I found out I was pregnant during the adoption process, but I never would have wished it on myself. I can't imagine going through all that stress at once, although I know some people who have done it marvelously. I'm guessing this person has not adopted before and 1) doesn't know better terminology, and 2) can't comprehend the miracle that happens when you bring your child home to your family forever. Hopefully as they get farther in the process they will begin to understand.

Of course Azaleah is mine! God help the person who tries to tell me otherwise. A couple old friends from college have asked me "can't you have any of your own?" and I responded with "yes, of course I can, I just showed you a picture of her!" and another asked "are you going to have any of your own?" to which I can only truthfully say "Azaleah is every bit our own, but I know you meant 'biologically', and I have no idea of that, I can't see the future." There does need to be some education on terms, and it's better to do it now when Aza is little than to have friends or family ask it when she's fully able to understand those sentences.

[wannalittlebean]

It is really odd for me...I thought the desire for me to have bio children would never go away. BUT, when I got Isabella as our referal-she was my daughter! I felt a sense of calm that I have not felt in years. I realized at that time that we just wanted to be parents-it didn't matter how we went about it-if we went to Guatemala or the moon!! To tell you the truth, I don't know if I would want to pass on my crazy genes anyway!

And, when we visited her, she was our daughter, and I can only imagine how strong that feeling gets when we will bring her home. I have to say, that that comment annoys me as well.

Tracey