[lisam951]

Every Thursday morning I work in the 2 yo room in my church's nursery. Today they gave me a little 15 yo girl to help me. I had Marisol with me. The girl commented on how cute she was then asked me this... "Is she your daughter or is she adopted?" I did not take offense since this was a young girl. It was kind of funny. I said.."Well, she is my daughter AND she is adopted." The poor thing got kind of flustered and I assured her that it was ok. She then went on to say how cool she thinks adoption is and asked me questions about it. Now if this had been an adult I might of felt differently.

[wvamom]

I think you did a good job responding to her--we adoptive parents have to kind of gauge whether people are really malicious, just curious, or just stuck their foot in their mouth (which I have sure done enough times)!

I had a nine year old ask whether our baby was adopted, then she said, "Did his mom just not want him, or what?" I tried to explain that his mom did want him but she just didn't have the means to take care of him.

[doghouse]

OK, I am that person who would ask about the child being adopted. I am that person who would ask how much it cost. I am that person who has a deep inner drive to adopt. Please don't hate me because I ask questions, because I am just gathering information with the hope of adopting some day.

I met a lady in The Gap who adopted a baby from Korea. She was not offended by my questions. As she told me her story, my eyes filled with tears. It has always been a dream for me to adopt even long before I had children. After meeting that lady in the Gap, I learned how easy it was to research the process on the internet.

I think adoption is so much more beautiful a thing than the idea of having another child. It is the sweetest thing to give an orphan a family. The adoptive family makes the commitment to adopt each and evey single day until the adoption has been completed.

I will forever remember meeting that lady. I feel I was meant to meet her to learn about adoption.

So, please have mercy on people like me, we just want to learn.

[AdoptAmiga]

Doghouse and others like you - I think it's great you ask questions and are willing to learn, but please PREFACE your questions as to WHY you are asking. It makes it easier for the person to take your questions and comments seriously, instead of thinking "just another busybody". Anyone who wants to ask me about IA in a polite, genuine manner, fire away. Most of us love being an advocate for IA. Good luck to you!

[debragm]

Keep planting those seeds! Children repeat what they hear and they learn from adults. Good job with that question!

[foxl]

GREAT answer, and the one I had formed in my mind as I read the question.

It is sometimes hard not to be defensive but if you show pride in your children, and in how you got them, it can only do good in this world. If we are defensive, both the children and those asking are going to feel something is "not quite right ..."
Linda

[LucyLuMyLuv]

I had a "similar" thing happen once -- 5 1/2 years ago I brought my daughter home at 15 months of age. My boys were so excited and had told everyone at school that we were adopting and their new sister was coming home. I was sitting outside one afternoon and 2 little boys were riding their bikes past the house and yelled out if the baby was Stephen's new little sister. I said yes. What came next made me laugh -- "Can we come see her? We never saw anyone that was adopted before!" I am not sure what they expected her to look like

[Chop]

Doghouse you made me laugh!!! I too will say things in ways that I didn't intend. However what made me laugh is your name "Doghouse" I just thought of how many times I am in the "doghouse" for what I said.

[Guatemom]

I would much rather people ask, nicely & genuinely of course, than to just have misconstrued ideas and preconceived notions. I got a kid-comment to add, too--I have a 12 yo bio sister; and all thru our process she told everyone at her school about her new nephew. So when we finally got him home, she wanted to take him to school b/c nobody had "ever seen a Guatemalan before" & have me talk about going to Guatemala.
I was touched at her excitedness to show him off, and even more happy that kids were not biased but very eager to learn more about someone of a different ethnic origin & to hear our 'story' of another country. It's very true, children are TAUGHT to hate and prejudice. It's opportunities like these that give me hope. Altho, like LucyLuMyLuv, I'm not sure what they really expected him to look like, but their curiosity was genuine.

[mattecook]

Doghouse,
I too am the curious type of person. I have had many other curious types ask me if they can ask me questions regarding internation adoption. I am MORE than happy to answer them. But the people that I respect the most is those who tell me upfront why they are asking and than ask permission to ask some of the more personal questions like cost. I love to answer questions as I feel that all my research should benefit someone else other than myself.
Lisa-- I think you did a wonderful job of helping the young lady understand adoption a little. I agree when certain things come out of a child it is much easier taken. As they say "out of the mouth of babes"

Ami

[doghouse]

The name doghouse happens to fit my personality which is often getting me in trouble by asking too many question, but I chose the name doghouse because we have five indoor dogs. Not little tiny dogs but all kinds. We pick them up on the street.

I think people just don't understand the high levels of emotion envolved in adopting. You mention someone's medical condition, they go silent with embarassment and you get the same reation when you ask people how much something cost. Some cultures are not embarassed to discuss money and some culture talk about their health problems in excess. Life can be so confusing. Have pitty on us nosey people. We mean no harm.

Best wishes,
Tammy