[AFain]

Hello,

I was wondering if anyone who had adopted with very young children or who had adopted two at the same time close in age or any other similar situation could pass on some advice.
We know we want to adopt from Guatemala and we are actually pretty close to deciding on an agency. The problem we are having is when to begin. I have seen so many variations on the time line. My initial impression when I first started reading about adoption was that this would take at least a year and a half to two years, but now I am seeing it can go much quicker. I have two biological sons Jack (3 in May) and Luke (3 months). My DH and I are very eager to begin the adoption process, but we want to make sure that all of our children have enough time and attention.

We would really appreciate any input.
Thanks so much!

Anna

[Devora]

If it helps...Some agencies have a requirement that there be at least a certain amount of time between the birth or adoption of a child and the adoption of another child. For our placment agency they require 6 months in between.

If you wanted to start now, you will need to check with any homestudy and placement agency you choose. Not all agencies have such a policy, but those that do base them on what they've seen as working best (on average) for the children -- both the ones you already have and the one you adopt.

I would think that a good homestudy agency would be happy to talk with you about this and help you to figure out what will be the best thing for your family.

Best wishes,
Devora

[Pamsko]

We adopted two at once (now 19 month and 8 months old), but our bio dd is 11 years old...

I will say that there are days when I feel that one or the other child is cheated of my attention...but they are all healthy and happy and we do "create" one-on-one time with all of them so that they have our undivided attention and love.

I think it would depend on your homestudy agency, etc.

Good luck with your adoption journey!

[luvubella]

I have two bio sons, Jack 4 1/2 and Ben 3 next month. We are adopting our daughter Isabella who turned 3 in January. We plan on just making time for all three of them.(probably easier said than done some days) We didn't know how we were going to do it from one to two but it just fit. I have learned from other mothers who have more than two children that you naturally adjust. Ofcourse there will be times when one child gets more attention than the others. My oldest son requires more attention than my youngest and some times we have to make it a point to pay more attention to the younger!

I guess what I am trying to say is that if this is something that you and your husband feel strongly about then you should follow through. The only people that can make sure that they have enough time and attention is you guys. Many people have more than two children and they make it work. I think it is more relative to what you and your husband feel you can handle well as parents.

Good luck with your decision and may your journey be smooth should you decide to go forward!

[Kimberj71]

We have five children ranging in age from 7.5 years to 13.5 months. Our youngest two are 6 weeks apart in age and came home from Guatemala 3 months apart.

We began the adoption process when our then youngest son was 17 months old and we wanted to make sure that he and the baby we planned to adopt were seperated by at least 9 months. Along the way we decided to adopt a second baby. The entire process from filling out the application to bringing home our youngest was about 20 months, but we also waited out the Hague in Guatemala during the summer of 2003.

Other than asking agency policy, I think you need to look at your own time and energy level. The closer you space your children, the more labor intensive and exhausting the first couple of years are. But it seems like after those first 2 to 2.5 years things start to get easier. At least I'm counting on that. But there are plenty of nights that I am ready for bed the second the kids are down. We also try to make one on one time with each of our children. But that is getting trickier as they get older and are beginning to get involved in extra activities like soccer and scouting, etc..

Good luck in your decision! It's great you're looking into it now and have time to really research agencies.

Kim

[cnshornsby]

We have 3 boys at home right now (ages almost 5, 3 and 15 1/2 mos) and one little girl stuck in Guatemala! I started researching when Emerson was only 7 wks old. Don't be so quick to think it will go fast! We got a referral right before he turned 11 mos. With her coming home at no earlier than 6 mos, I figured 11 mos between them is no big deal! Take a look at our timeline if you want a good idea (he was born 12.08/04 just so you know). I actually think our youngest got the best bargain out of all this, because I was pregnant again by his age with the other two kids, and I am a terrible pregnant lady -grumpy and sick!! Good luck with your endeaver!!

[Chop]

Our son was 16 months when we brought our daughter home who was just two. The first 2 years were very hard, exhausting actually, and I have a lot of energy. However they are 6&7 now. They are the best of friends. They are even in the same class at school. They have a healthy level of independence yet they are each others favorite person to be with. I actually want to do the same thing again. If finances will allow, I want to start the process shortly after we bring our son home so that we have two close in age again. But consider, I don't work and I have family around and a Super Husband to help me when I need those breaks.

One thing we started that really helped me cope during those hard years is every Tuesday night my hubby would be home by 5:30 and I was off duty until the next morning. I could stay home without any responsibility, go shopping alone or just go out with a friend. Did wonders to know there would be a break coming.

[AFain]

I really appreciate everyone sharing their experiences. And I am happy to know that I am not the only one who has considered adding to the family with a baby so young. Thanks for all the encouragement and insight!

Anna

[tlc4kidz]

We adopted through fc....so sorry to hijack your board, but we have bio-sons (13) and (9) and an adopted daughter (2) and son (10 months). I have to say 14 months apart has been easier than 4 years apart. Most people think I'm crazy.....I just turned 41, but am healthy and active. It's the logistics that drive me crazy...like who to get out of the car first and where to put the carseats and how to get them in the shopping cart. But it's so fun to watch them together and has been a huge blessing for us and hopefully they will be for each other as well. I hope all your dreams come true !

[Kesti]

Not sure if this will assist you but we completed two adoptions from Guatemala at two separate times and they are close in age in my opinion. Our oldest is 2 years old and our youngest will be 10 months old on the 8th of Apr. They get along great and we will never regreat our decision to adopt two children this close in age.

When we were in Guatemala visiting our princess no 2, we met a couple who were picking up two babies. They had taken a referral for a baby and then the birthmom took that baby back so they lost the referral and then the birthmom found out she was preg. again and the couple was once again contacted and their plan to adopt one child turned into adopting the child that they were initially referred and the baby that was on the way. When we met them, they were on their pickup trip and on their way home

So, what does this mean, yes people do adopt two at one time and for us two back to back adoptions

[KDhappygal]

Our daughters are 1 and 2 years old. They are about 11.5 months apart in age.

Yes there are difficult days but I love that they are so close in age. I think the pluses outweigh the negatives for me. I've seen my older daughter become more adventurous with her food choices since the arrival of her sister and more willing to play on her own. I've also seen the arrival of temper tantrums and the terrible twos.

Our younger daughter loves to copy our 2 year old, which I'm sure happens with most younger siblings but is still fun to see. I definately see them both learning from each other.

[DPline]

We adopted two children who came home 3 months apart. They are only 6 1/2 months apart in age so two toddlers running around (along with a six year old) makes our house pretty crazy some days, and I can sure empathize with the logistics issues tlc4kidz mentioned, but the good far outweighs the difficult parts!

[momof8]

We have 8 children, waiting on a referral for number 9. 2 of ours are adopted from Russia. When they came home we had 6 children that were 5 and under. Life was absolutely crazy, funny, thrilling, exhausting, you name it! Now the 6 of them are ages 4-9 and yes it does get easier.......so why everyone asks me are we starting again with another baby?? I just laugh and smile!! Anyway.......I have 3 all born in 1997, 2 are 3 days apart and one 6 months older. Everyone thinks they are triplets. I said all that to say....go for it......my kids never lack for a playmate, we have our own playgroup, baseball team........and we love it!!!!Wouldn't change anything!! Kids close together in age are hard for a very short window in time, but the blessings reaped later by far out weigh the work! All of mine can't wait for the baby to come!

Best wishes!!!!!!!