[shelbydog]

Hi all - we are newbies with a bio son at home...I have been reading about bonding and co-sleeping on the board. I am a SAHM...our bio son never co-slept. Must we co-sleep? Can baby bond without that? We weren't fans or pro-co-sleep with our son. He slept in his crib from day one and we were/are blessed that he has always been a wonderful sleeper, and loves his crib and room. I've napped with him a few times, but only out of "desperation" or if he was ill. But he goes right back into his crib with no issues. Does anyone not co-sleep and is bonding okay that way? Do the babies co-sleep in Guatemala - is it customary? We will of course do whatever is best for the child and are not inflexible in any way...I was just curious. Thanks so much!

[foxl]

I think there are lots of adoptive parents who don't cosleep. I just like it!

I think you will find a huge range of opinion here - which is REASSURING - -how far wrong could any of us go ... ?

But, yes, many fostermoms DO cosleep -- I think they do it out of not having a room or crib, as much as anything.
Linda

[lexiesmom]

Hi

Many people on the board co sleep and it works for them.

I am not a fan of co sleeping either. My girls are both adopted from Guatemala and I didn't go sleep with either of them and they bonded, adjusted and attached well.

Like you I have napped with them if they needed it on occasion or if they were sick.

With my youngest, I was told the fostermother was co-sleeping until she was on the move and we decided it was best for her to go into a crib.

Good luck

Donna

[Paparama]

Co-sleeping has served our family well, both with our 4-year-old bio daughter (who moved into her own room, at her request, at sometime between two and three) and with our adopted daughter (who just turned one and with whom we still co-sleep, though it won't last much longer as she is a total bed-hog!).

But there is obviously much more to bonding than sleeping arrangements. Love, patience, and a ton of awake-time interaction are the essentials!

[mattecook]

I personally am not a fan of cosleeping but have many friends who are. Both ways are right meaning which ever works with your family. We spent alot of time holding Emma and talking to her she has bonded wonderfully. I took baths with Emma for the first couple of weeks and that time was very special to us. She now takes her own baths. Here is my thoughts many of us worry considerably about bonding but when that baby is placed in our arms those worries fade away. You are so in love with this baby that is yours you just do what it takes. That isn't to say that bonding doesn't take time it does but when you do what comes naturally to you and your family it is a joyous time of exploring what your child likes and dislikes and their personality etc. I am a big believer that even though those first days or weeks can be rough it will work out with time, love, patience and understanding.

Ami

[foxl]

Ami, I agree!

... but one must wonder what happens to kids that have problems (or families). There must be some underlying trait? Because reading here, EVERYTHING works, most of the time.

Linda

[KellyMigoya]

Our baby came home and began sleeping in her crib the first night and there have been no bonding issues. We do not co-sleep since we have a five year old, four year old, nine month old and our dog. Little too crowded for our Queen size bed. However, anyone who is scared in the night or doesn't feel good are welcome to crawl in bed with Mommy.

[mattecook]

Linda,

I have often wondered the same thing. I guess I should look at some case studies of people with adoption attachment issues to see if there was an unified underlying cause. If I get time I will do some research and report back.

Ami

[foxl]

It would be interesting, but then I am never quite sure I WANT to know! I know that it happens, just never sure why.

[curlyqgyrl]

Our little gal was in an orphanage, so she was use to sleeping in her room. We have never co-slept, and we all bonded instantly!! Not that we wouldn't co sleep or there is anything wrong with it, its just that is MY time with my husband

[lovelivvy]

I have mixed views on the subject. I think it is good for family time, but when everyone falls asleep, there are bound sometimes to be accidents, like rollovers, or what happened to one of my friends-the baby ROLLED OUT OF THE BED **You can also put a "pack and play" or bassinet next to your bed, if you feel comfortable with that.
Tracy

[lisam951]

We thought we would co-sleep with Marisol when she first came home because that was what was recommended for a child her age (17 months). However, I tried it for two nights in Guatemala and it just didn't work. She was used to sleeping in a crib and she is a very restless sleeper. I was awake most of the time because I was afraid she would fall out of bed. When we got her home she slept in her crib from the first night and never had a problem. I did do other things to help us bond. She was and still is rocked with about a 4 oz. bottle before bed. She is put to bed awake, but has that quiet time with mommy or daddy first. She usually goes right to sleep.

[khaki17]

My daughter was used to sleeping in a crib and I continued this when she came home. I would have liked to co-sleep, but she is NO FUN at all to have in bed with me. A few times when she has been really sick, I have brought her into my bed. But, even then it wasn't nice. She thinks being in mommy's bed is playtime, not sleeptime. And, when she finally falls asleep, she moves a lot.

I wouldn't worry about it now. You will know what the right choice is for your family when its time. There are so many ways to bond with a child. This is only one strategy.

[lockharts]

I have two adopted Guats. We did not co-sleep. They slept in their crib from day one too. Never had a problem bonding or adjusting. They are 10 and 11 y/o and no signs of trauma from not co-sleeping.
On a professional note, being a paramedic, I did not feel safe sleeping with a small child. Too many accidents can happen and I didn't feel comfortable with that. Good luck. Hope you find what you are looking for.

[kahart]

I think this is one of those issues where you just have to find what works best for you and your family. We never co-slept with our first two children, but when our daughter came home at 19 months we did because she couldn't stand for me to be out of her sight.

She has been home a year now and we still co-sleep. I love having her with us and know that when she is ready she'll let us know.

She has just started asking to watch movies laying in her bed for naptime alone and I know that soon she will be ready to sleep in her bed all alone and that's great, but until then she'll be sleeping with DH and I.