[Paparama]

Originally Posted by lockharts

<snip> On a professional note, being a paramedic, I did not feel safe sleeping with a small child. Too many accidents can happen and I didn't feel comfortable with that. <snip>

I respectfully disagree. All the literature I've read on co-sleeping is that it is perfectly safe, so long as no one goes to bed under the influence of alcohol or drugs. My own experience with my family has borne this out. (Unfortunately, there is surprisingly little in the way of bonafide research on co-sleeping. Most information is anecdotal.)

If Suzanne knows differently, especially in her professional capacity, I would welcome any information she could share. I would hate to think that my current sleeping arrangement is somehow not safe.

I certainly don't think that co-sleeping is a must for bonding to occur. Suzanne's experience and that of so many others in the U.S. confirms this. On the other hand, I do think it has potential benefits that merit consideration.

[mac308]

I was feeling so badly for allowing my daughter to sleep with us. My mom and other family members keep telling me that we need to get her into her own bed. When we brought her home from Guatemala at 5 1/2 months she slept from 7:00 pm until 7:00 am in her crib. She's had a few asthma episodes and while my dh was out of town she started sleeping with me. She hasn't moved out of our bed yet, and we haven't kicked her out.... she's now 3. I know it is coming to the time where she needs to sleep in her own bed. I'm so glad to come across this discussion, though. It makes me feel like I'm not doing a bad thing by letting her stay. My dh is right beside me with this issue.
Megan

[AddisonsMommy]

I have a very strong opinion on this issue, but as to not spark further debate, I will just share my EXPERIENCE instead.

When I met my daughter's foster mother, one of the first things she told me was that the baby slept in her own crib. I even have photos of her crib, with her in it, in the foster home. It was a nice large white crib, and apparently she did very well in it. At the hotel during our 24 day ordeal, she slept in the portable crib the very first night and every night thereafter.

At home, she sleeps in her own crib in her own room, and likes it very much *as she should, since her nursery is the best room in the house! LOL!*

Having spent so much time in Guatemala even before we came home to all the doting relatives, friends and neighbors, I can safely say she bonded with me VERY WELL. She knew right away who Mommy was, and there was no question for her. She continues to be very bonded with me and, as others have said, we do lots of together-time to ensure that...I always hold her when she takes her bottle, and sometimes even in the middle of playtime, will just pick her up and love on her and rock her gently, sing to her, do all the silly things she loves....and she is delightfully secure with me. Her foster family adored her and she did them, and she was wonderfully cared for...and even though I think somewhere in the recesses of her mind, she might wonder "what happened to that other family?"....or certainly would recognize them still if she saw them or heard their voices, etc....I believe she is firmly bonded and planted here in her environment now. And, she has only actually been home for 4 weeks.

As I said, my experience...and it's all been good!

Jen

[kelleymac]

Our son co-slept with his foster family and we initially tried it with him, but it didn't work well for us at all. He's a very disrupted sleeper, and both Mike and I slept very lightly when Jonah first came home. The results were a couple of crabby parents and a tired baby.

I slept with Jonah in the recliner for our first two nights home. The next three or four, I slept on the floor of his nursery, and then moved to my own bed. He had a bit of a rough transition, but I'm happy to say that he is extraordinarily bonded to us, AND a great sleeper in his own crib.

This is a tough decision, but my advice would be do what feels right for all of you. Don't let someone else sway you because only you know what's right for your family.

Kelley

(BTW, now that Jonah is older, he sleeps with us frequently when we travel. The strange surroundings upset his nighttime sleep and we all do better this way...we're always adjusting. )

[csw]

Hi
I agree with Katherine...our daughter would hyperventilate and vomit if I put her in the crib or even if her little toe touched the crib rail...some foster mothers in Guat do cosleep so they are used to it...some have cribs..if you have a baby home at a younger age that would help..but ours did not come home until 9 months old and when I fostered her in Guat I did not have a crib..so we coslept..she also never wanted to be without me close by..she has been home for 11 months and with alot of work with carrying her, co-bathing, infant massage etc..she has gone from being up every 15 minutes to being up only 1-2x a night..
It is different when you have a baby at home as a newborn and one coming home older..if your baby is in a crib in Guatemala you will have a much easier time here..but our daughter was left in the crib for hours on end in Guat and she wanted no part of it here..as Paparama said..when they are 2-4 years old they generally start sleeping in their own bed..yes my daughter kicks me at times..she is still taking 2 bottles at night...my husband has been on the couch for 11 months..it has been hard..but we really felt it was the best thing for our daughter..

[hibbard]

I don't have any long-term experience with co-sleeping so I can't really comment intelligently on that. But I don't think it's a must for bonding. In our case, our daughter came home at 7 months. She slept the first night with us but after that slept in her crib in her own room. She has also slept with us once or twice when sick. We bonded with no problem whatsoever and she's a happy, well-adjusted 13-month old now.

[mac308]

I totally agree that it is not a "must" for bonding. Even though we co-sleep with our daughter it is because I was always worried about her breathing (asthma). This didn't start until we had her home for a long while. She had already bonded extremely well while sleeping in her own crib.

[Pamsko]

Maybe we should have, but I'm selfish!

It's bad enough that our new toddler hogs my dh to himself all evening. Ed doesn't have a moments peace until Alex goes to bed (whew)...I didn't want to have to share my dh in bed too!

We spoke to our SW about these issues...we are doing other things to foster bonding -- spoonfeeding items a couple of meals a day (oatmeal, yogurt); he's still taking a bottle, so we hold him; after baths he gets a lotion massage-- which he loves; etc.

We may be an anamoly...we are family #4 for our little boy (6 months with biomom, 5 months with foster mom #1, 6 months with the foster family we met) and we have noticed some signs that he was neglected along the way...

But, it is getting better, day by day.

[foxl]

Oh, yeah -- those lotion massages are GREAT! It was how I got my son to trust me, those first couple of days! He whimpered when I moved to change his diaper, before that. I still give him lotion rubs -- and with his relatively dry skin, it serves more than one purpose!

There are so many things you can do, co-sleeping is only one of them, and of course you have to respond which things work for your (VERY) individual child!
Linda

[csw]

Hi Paparama,
As a health professional I had researched co-sleeping thoroughly, as well as attachment parenting. You are correct that if someone does drink alcohol or do drugs they should not co-sleep..I had also read if they were markedly obese they may want to think twice about co-sleeping. The American Academy of Pediatrics does say the safest place for a baby is in the crib. However.. they did not say that co-sleeping was unsafe (except as mentioned above) And it is thought to actually decrease the incidence of SIDS..not increase it..when you co-sleep you are in tune with your childs breathing and they tune in to yours. Lots of cultures co-sleep..in other countries it would never be heard of to have a baby in a crib in another room from such an early age..I am sure some of this is also due to breastfeeding and it is easier to have the baby next to you at night for feeds. It has only been since Victorian times that we started thinking babies should be independant and sleep away from us..it has not been that recent a phenmenon.
As long as you have a firm mattress and take the same safety precautions you would for a baby in a crib it should be fine. It is not recommended at all to sleep with a baby on the couch.