[smmars]

We are leaving in 11 days to visit our 3 month old. I was very excited to go and meet him and hold him and spend time with him, but now I am getting scared. I am thinking that after we actually see that he is REAL that it will be harder than ever waiting for him to come home. I am almost a basket case now as it is. I guess a need some words of wisdom from some of you that are more experienced at this.

I already email my agency a lot for information and updates and am in contact with the AE a lot to see if our attorney has submitted the missing paperwork needed for our pre-approval . I just think that after our trip I am going to be more obsessed than ever.

Help please.
Stacey

[mary594]

I have read alot of post from people who have gone to visit and they all seem to think it was wonderful and glad they did. I did not go visit because of the reasons you said. I know myself and I know that it would have made everything 10x's harder for me. Especially when you see other people bringing their babies home. I am not saying this to discourage you, I am saying it because I know how youfeel and that is why I did not do it. But so many people that have gone to visit think it was the greatest thing to do. A friend of mine went to visit and she wouldn't of had it any other way. She brought a video camera down and took lots of pictures and spent time with her daughter at an age she would have missed had she not done it. (all I have is pics from a camera I sent down) She immediately formed a bond with her daughter and when she picked her up 3 months later it was still there.

Go for it everything is already booked, it will be an experience of a lifetime and being bummed when youleave I guess is just a small price to pay. for the joy you are going to feel.

Mary

[Chrysanthemum]

Stacey, It was very difficult to leave my daughter. I probably cried the whole flight home. However, that time I spent with her was more than worth it. I spent 7 days with her when she was 3 months old. We bonded and fell in love with eachother. I took a ton of pictures and video that will mean so much to her. I got to know her and will always cherish that time with her. I would do it all over again. If you have the opportunity to visit....do it.

After my return I worked on her baby book, nursery and prepared for our life together.

[Ryker]

Stacey,

Once you get there you're going to be so in love with your baby. It's going to be hard to leave, but it's also going to make you that much more excited to go back.

Being this close to the end, your baby will be coming home soon anyway. This will only make it more real!

Kristin

[Laurie K]

because visiting is the best thing that you can do for yourself and your family. I was hesitate right before we got there and I thought that was so unusual too. If you have read all of the material that your agency recommended about attaching right away..your fears are completely reasonable and normal. However, when you are holding that baby, your heart will be so fulfilled and your dreams realized. So take a lot of pictures!!! They will help you share your joy with your family and seeing you with the baby will bring a reality to this journey to them as well.

As for leaving, it isn't easy...but you will be back..excited, geeked, and more ready then ever for that pick up trip! You will be fine and your trip soo rewarding. So have no worries..your baby will love you! Make a baby book for the baby with a picture of your husband, you, your home, and some important family members, Grandmas and Grandpas...I found a baby photo album at Babies r Us. Take a simple tape recorder and sing to your baby all kinds of songs, silly, etc. and leave it for your baby too. Ask the foster mother to play the tape for the baby and show him the book. Remember that your foster mother is loving your son and caring for his every need. When you meet her and see how much love she has for your little one, you will now that he is in good hands until he is placed in yours. Good Luck & God Bless.

[MiniSnowta]

You may be feeling a bit nervous or anxious about your trip. But don't...it is so amazing to spend that time with your child. My hubby and I visited our daughter before the DNA was done for extenuating circumstances. I waited on pins and needles to get the result. Thank God it was ok.

I have to say that leaving our daughter was definetly the hardest thing I have ever done. I cried from the depths of my soul when the coordinator took her back to her foster mother. But it was so great because we got to spend some time getting to know each other, we took lots of pictures and video. I pray that when we go back to get her she will remember us and her transition will not be so difficult. It was amazing.

I do admit that she is all I think about....when is she coming home, how much longer...etc. But I think I would be like that regardless of if we visited or not.

Have a WONDERFUL and safe trip!!!! I will be thinking of you.

[Pamsko]

It is awfully hard to leave the little ones behind when you come home. However, there's a lot of pluses. Now, you've met your child and the foster family. We got a lot of comfort out of how much the foster family adored our boys. It's made it easier to leave them...and easier to miss Christmas. We know they had a wonderful and loving experience of Christmas with the foster family.

For me...it was the reassurance of counting their fingers and toes and finding out their personalities, etc.

I had never intended to visit, but am sooooo glad that I did.

Have a great time!

[desilu1991]

Stacey,

I felt the same way prior to visiting Luke. There is no way to prepare yourself for the goodbye either. It's going to be painful and you're going to cry, but you're going to have some beautiful memories to look back on while you're waiting for him to come home. I cried for about a week, and I still tear up sometimes, even though it's been one month since I said goodbye to Luke. I watch the videos we made 3 times a week usually and look at the 225 pictures at least once a day. I miss him terribly, but I do know that my visit is not something I will EVER regret. I bonded with him and I know that bond will still be there in a month or two when we pick him up. My husband and I both feel like the time we have to wait has quadrupled and it's dragging worse than ever before, but I know when we get the call that we can come get him, it's all going to go away. Just go and enjoy your baby! Spend every second of your visit cuddling him and getting to know him and don't spend it worrying about how sad you're going to be when you leave. Try to just put it out of your mind until you say "goodbye". We want to hear all about it when you get back and we'll be here for you when you come back and you need encouragement and support. I know you're going to have a wonderful visit and I'm glad you're going to get to go in 11 more days! It's going to be so worth it! :}

Have fun!

Judy

[marty419]

Stacey,

We made two trips to Guatemala with both of our adoptions, one to visit and then to bring them home. When we visit our son, our first child, I literally cried all the way from Guatemala to Houston on our return flight. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. Would I ever do it again? Yes, and I did, when we adopted our daughter. It was just as hard to leave her as it was our son but I am so glad I made the trip. Having the time to visit and bond with each of our children prior to bringing them home was so special and wonderful. I feel blessed that we were able to have that time together....memories I will cherrish forever. After each visit I kept myself occupied decorating their rooms and working on their baby books.

Just relax and enjoy the time you will have with your son. It's time you won't regret!!!!

[Mama2CiCi]

for me, it was the best part of the adoption process (other than bringing them home!!!!). Visiting my little girl made her so real to me. Before the visit, she was just a picture, not really my little girl. But after I saw her and loved on her for 5 days, she really became mine in my heart and soul. And yes, it became harder to wait for her after the first visit, but at least I had memories of her as a baby. You see, she was referred to me at 1 month old. I didn't get to visit her for the first time until she was 10 1/2 months old, and DNA wasn't even done yet. Then my mom and I visited her again 1 month later. She finally came home at 14 1/2 months old, no longer a baby, but a toddler. I'm so thankful I had seen her as a baby and got to have pictures and videos of her.
The adoption process is so unpredictable. I say ,"Go, enjoy the time you have with your son and come back with a lot of memories of his babyhood".
Leaving will be hard, but know that you have begun the wonderful process of bonding with your son that pictures can not provide!!!
I look forward to hearing about your trip when you get back. I also recommend seeing Antigua if you have time before you get the baby. It's wonderful!!!!!!!!!!
Laurie

[resabelle]

Stacey,

My DH and I visited and we had two children to get to know. Our visit weekend was the most incredible thing I had ever experienced and leaving them was absolutely the most painful thing I have felt. I will tell you that I cried for 2-3 days straight. But, I realized something when one of my closest friends asked why I did it, knowing I would feel that way. I realized that it was a part of the girls lives that I got to be a part of. I met my youngest daughter on her 3 month birthday and I met Amanda when she was just 16 months old. During that time, I also got to know them as all babies are different. When going back to pick them up, we had an idea about the foods and drinks they liked and what toys they liked and sleeping habits, etc. etc. We learned that Amanda loves to be held and cuddled and Dylan was independent and curious and when she wants something (food, diaper change), she wants it NOW. Those personalities hold true today. It gave us insight for our pickup trip.

I guess what I am trying to say is that leaving them was excruitiating but also the most joyful moment of our lives. We have pictures from that trip and it meant that we got to meet them two months earlier than we actually brought them home. We got to know their country and it was different than the pickup trip as we were anxious to go home then. It was wonderful and well worth it. Leaving them was hard, but getting to spend those three days in their lives for the first time was precious.