[CarmJoeMom]

I 100% want to adopt a baby and I know Guatemala is the place for me. My husband says that he will do it and loves the idea. When we first married we had decided we'd have two biological children, and then talk about the adoption. I've changed my mind after the first biological child and want to adopt my second. My feelings are that I really want this. It's a lifelong dream and I am scared that if we have a second biological then we will feel we don't have the money or the time or the room or there will be some excuse why not to do it. I feel now is the time.

My husband keeps saying that he wants one more biological child first. I want my husband to really feel also that now is the time. I don't want him to do this for me, I want him to want it for himself. Did any of you deal with this? how did you overcome it?

Thanks

[foxl]

Heck, my husband claimed he wanted to adopt INSTEAD of having biokids! However he also procrastinated over getting started, something awful. One thing that helped was honesty -- I told him poker faced, I DID NOT want to manipulate him into something he did want. I told him I would not turn on the tears or stamp my foot to get my way, but I really, really wanted to do this. He respected my sincerity, went along and got things done as needed, and now is the doting Papa of the most severe "electra complex" daughter case, I have ever seen!

He still holds back feelings for our son in process, whom we have not yet met. I think men are just more reticent on embarking on this and investing emotion in someone they do not know.

Good luck,
Linda

[Annee]

We stalled out at a much earlier stage: the hurdle with my husband was over whether to be a parent at all. He examines everything from every angle, and he won't take on something unless he's confident he'll do a good job. It took him several years to decide that he wanted to be a parent. When it didn't happen biologically, he was quite happy to pursue adoption and, in fact, did much of the initial research himself.

[thesojourners]

you will both be ready.

That said, lots of conversations (and maybe a few great books and articles left in conspicious places!) can help someone get to "that time" a little more quickly! :-) But I agree with you other posters that you can't force a spouse into being more enthusiastic . . . you just need to take your time. It is such an arduous process that it takes a joint effort to make it through!

Perhaps your spouse would be open to making a plan such as, "if we're not pregnant by such-and-such a date, let's pursue an adoption."

We actually waited to have kids, then decided to have bio kids first, and then our "surprise" adopted daughter came along via private, direct placement. We still don't have bio kids (still waiting), but our two-year-old daughter is the light of our lives.

Anne