[1katie2paco]

Hi everyone,

I have been able to be in touch with some of you via PM's and some private email. I hope everyone is doing well!

I have a question I'd like to put out there for anyone who has some ideas. I have finally decided on an agency (!) which I am very excited about and relieved to have made that decision. (I'd be happy to share that via PM if anyone needs agency info.)

I have been asked if I was interested in adopting a boy or girl. Initially, since I will be a single mom I thought it might be a better choice to request a girl as it may be better/easier on us both if I adopted a girl. Then I decided that I'd leave it up to God and whatever He chose to bring me would be the child I was meant to have.

I'm just wondering if anyone has any thoughts on this. Now that I'm getting closer to the next phase in adopting (waiting on state legalization of paperwork now) I will be asked this again just to be clear on what my interest is as far as the sex of the baby. I know referrals tend to come quicker for boys so there is a good possibility that I'll get a referral on a boy. In that case, I'll be a single mom with a boy which I think is okay, but wondering what experiences people have had.


Thanks!

Lisa

[amyh615]

Hi,
I was also told that a referral would be quicker for a boy than a girl. My dh and I were set on a girl so we went ahead and decided we would wait the extra time. We were very pleasantly surprised when we received a referral for a girl the same day we sent in our I-171H to the agency. You never can tell!!
Amy

[tbmichals]

I have a bio son. I had him when I was 16 and did not get married until I was 24. I think having a son made it easier for my husband to bond with him when I met him. I think it is good for boys to have a good male role model. cliche I know but true. My son had my dad.

I think it is ultimately up to you. We are only wanting a girl. This is because I have wanted a girl since I found out I was pg with my son. Now that I have a choice I will get my girl )

[csw]

Hi
Just wondering if some PGN reviewers "prefer" if women adopt little girls vs boys? Would it slow her process down in anyway..aside from needing a male role model letter? I know back when we were adopting our son in Peru...a single woman was adopting a infant boy and was given a "hard time" and was told that she should adopt a girl only! (She did end up being able to adopt him)...Boys and girls in Guatemala both need homes..there are more boys available so the wait for referral is generally much shorter...I would just think which gender would be best for you, your lifestyle, your extended family etc...good luck with your decision! Cathy

[Mary Mulcahy]

I adopted as a single my son Daniel in 2002 and had him home at 4-1/2 months. I am in the process with number 2 whichis also a boy. Studies suggest that it is really better for a single mom to have a boy. Some times single moms view their daughters as too much of "friend" and want more that relationship. YOu need to have a male role model for any one adopting as a single mother. THis was not manadated in 2002 but my home study clearly outlined the males who would play a role in my son's life. Some people just think its easlier to raise a girl than a boy but at some point all kids have issues with their parents. My son is the joy of my life and it was the best decision. I feel sorry for people who say they want to parent but won't open themselves up for a boy. Now if the family already has boys then its a little different. In most countries you don't have a choice. PGN is PGN so if the reviewer wants to pick appart your case they can. Donabanks, you will love be a mom to a boy
I encourage everyone to think about it, they are great.
Mary,mom to Daniel Jordan Jose home December 24, 2002 from Guatemala and waiting on Julio born June 3

PS my agency would have given me a girl referral this time but I wanted another boy.

[PattyR]

When I began this process I really wrestled with the same question. In the end I finally decided I didn't care whether it was a boy or a girl, so I told my agency either and had either written into the home study. I figured when you have a biological baby you don't get to choose the sex, so I wouldn't choose either.

I have to say that I really expected a referral of a baby boy since I didn't specify. I even bought several little boy outfits during my wait as I just couldn't resist. Well, guess what? I received a referral for a newborn girl in early June. I am ecstatic about my little girl, but I would have been just as ecstatic about a little boy. In fact, I have decided that I definitely want to adopt again and will specifically ask for a boy next time.

Good luck with your decision.

Patty

[resabelle]

As many have said, you never know. My DH and I have nine nephews and there are no girls in our family. We requested our first referral be a girl, but then our second ended up being a girl too (we were open to boy or girl on the second). Timing is everything and it just depends on who is paper ready and how many children become available during that time. I never would have guessed two girls for us.

[2bASingleMom]

Under different cicurmstances (i.e. bio) we wouldn't get to choose. But we all know that this process is about choices. We make those choices to ensure that this is the best possible situation for our son or daughter, extended family, ourselves, etc.. If gender truly doesn't matter to you, go with fate and don't specify gender. Either way, go with your heart.

Good luck to you! One word of caution - not all agencies ALLOW you to specify gender. You may want to check with the agency that you've chosen.

[Mary Mulcahy]

Nice reply 2BAsinglemom. I like the way you put this.
Mary

[amskillin]

My husband and I just started the process and when asked on the application if we wanted a boy or girl, we flipped a coin...Heads a girl and tails a boy...It's a boy! Truthfully we don't care. We paln to adopt again and so if we get a boy this time, we will try for a girl next time or vice versa. Either way, we want to be blessed with children no matter their sex. I figure God will take care of the details...He always does! Good luck to everyone!

[Pamsko]

When I was pg with my bio dd, all I wanted was a little girl. One of the reasons was that my ex-h would never have made a good role model for a little boy. And I did want a child "I understood"...
Now, as my dd approaches puberty, I wish I didn't understand quite so much!

As a single mom with a daughter for years and years (8 to be exact), I really enjoyed having that mother-daughter relationship. But, I have a friend who was a single mom to her son for almost 5 years and they had an equally joyous relationship. I don't think either one is "easier"...

When my dh and I first looked into adopting, we wanted a boy and a girl. We were told we'd be offerred a little boy almost immediately but that the wait for a little girl would be "months"....well, I already knew that the wait for our children would be "months" in the process...and I'm ready now. After lots of discussion, we decided to go with two little boys. My dh now is a wonderful husband and father, and our two little sons-to-be couldn't have a better role model. So, it's all worked out.

[ljohnson55]

We specifically wanted to adopt a boy. (Well, to be honest, my husband was open to either, but I really wanted a boy!) I just felt that I would make a better "boy mom" than "girl mom." Our son has been home for four months now and he is the light of our lives. We are already talking about when we'll be adopting another child and we will adopt another little boy.

I have one sister and I have always felt so lucky to have her. We have lots in common even though we are very different in personality and I think a sibling of the same gender is a unique relationship. My husband is close with his brother and not as much with his sister.

It's important to me that our son have a brother...someone who will have similar life experiences to his.

(I do have moments where I moon over all the frilly pink outfits at the Gap, though.) LOL

L

[1katie2paco]

I just want to say thanks to everyone who is writing on their experiences and ideas about adopting a boy vs. girl! I have PM'd some folks and heard from others that way. I REALLY appreciate people responding to the question though. This message board has been so helpful and everyone is supportive which is a nice thing to have in this process.

Can anyone tell me what "dd and dh" means? Sorry if it is obvious, but I am not sure.

L.

[jdenbley]

DD and DH =darling (or dear) daughter, and darling (or dear) husband. (at least that is my understanding....someone correct me if I am wrong!)

By the way, we have requested a girl. However, this is because we have 2 bio boys at home. I actually was even open to a third boy, but while we were considering a boy referral, we got offered a little girl.

With both my bio boys, I really wanted a girl. Probably because I felt like I would know more what I was doing with a girl. However, I am amazed with the bond that I have with my boys! And my boys have been really easy! I think you will be so in love with your baby that it really doesnt matter whether its a boy or girl.

Just my 2 cents worth!

Jenna