I am at the screaming point -- not as much from the wait (it is bad enough!) but if ONE more person asks me "have you heard anything?" I am going to lose it!! I am starting to dread the situations (for example my daughter's gymnastics class) where the other mothers run to me the second I walk in to see if I have heard anything. Then there are the emails, phone calls, and instant messages from family and friends asking the same. What makes it worse is that some of these people have been through the adoption wait and KNOW what that question does to your nerves. And I know they know I will be shouting it from the rooftops once we are out of PGN.
I mostly just needed to vent, but anyone with some clever comebacks or ideas on how to let these people know they are not helping the wait any?

[LoveRiddenDad]

The easiest way: Tell them you're just too excited and the minute you get the news, you'll phone/e-mail EVERYONE, but you'll never be able to sleep if you don't calm down from all the adreniline and happiness. It's a nicer way.

[sassafrass]

Theres no way to stop them. They are just so excited for you and want to know everything.

Its kind of like when you are 9 months pregnant and everyone you know calls EVERYDAY asking how you feel and if you have felt the smallest twinge or labor pain. You feel like a walking time bomb and everyone wants to pull the trigger.

But..... Its all good and people just want to jump up and down with you!

Breathe!!!

[bhouston]

Just look at the blessing you have at so many people even caring to ask! What if no one asked or cared what was happening with your case??? That would make you feel like screaming too!! Look at all the people who will welcome your child home and be so happy for you! Sorry but dont see what the big deal is here! Beth

[99hopeful81067]

With close friends, who know I love them, I say things like: "Oh gee, did I forget to mention it? We brought her home last weekend." But I wdn't advise sarcasm with less secure acquaintances.

(BTW, I also say this when DH peers at my email inbox and says, "No referral yet?" "Oh gee, did I forget to mention it?")

"When I do hear anything, you will be among the first to know!" is a nice response, if it's at all plausible.

My guess is there is no way to make people stop asking, and the closer you get to traveling, the more often the question will come. But it's nice that they are thinking of you and excited for you -- and that's all they are really expressing when they ask.

Imagine the opposite extreme. What if you were expecting a child and no one noticed or mentioned it. I'd feel lonely and uncared for if nobody ever asked.

Don't get me wrong -- I DO understand that the people who ask are doing so because they are excited for us and do care, but the big deal is that I STILL need to be a wife and mother, I still have a job to do and these questions get in the way of that. I can't just say, "no, nothing yet" because then I get the, "why not? what is taking so long?" so instead of watching my daughter learn a new gymnastics skill I am explaining why it is taking so long - again.

[neenasee]

It's not the people who ask "How are things going with the adoption" that bothers me. It is the ones (and there have been many) that say "Why is it taking so long"? That to me is like chaulk on a blackboard! Hang in there.
Nina

[foxl]

Yep. There's the key! They sound like they are being kind, but their tone is angry. They say thigns like, "This taking too long. That's WRONG. Can't you DO something?" DUH. Like I would not, if I could??? I well remember shriveling under the accusing glare of a coworker. I defenselessly responded, "Well, that is pretty much what the agency told us to expect ..." But then I actually quit talking to her. She probably does not understand why to this day.

You have to find a way to separate their personal agenda (of venting their frustrations and/or passing them off on you) from your own, that is all. It is hard and all of you who run into that sort of person have my sympathy!

[jen]

I know how you feel. We, like you learned the hard way with the 1st adoption. During the 2nd we chose not to tell people until we entered pgn. Hang in there and I hope it won't be long now.

[foxl]

WISH I could get the hang of that ... keeping quiet!

[Brie Brock]

I have only been in PGN 1 week...but still I get alot of "how long" and "when is she coming home" questions. I just say...I don't know but you can be praying for us that it will be soon. That way I give them something to do and they all can feel like apart of us getting her home...plus all those prayers can't hurt!!!!

Brie

[brandydawn]

Maybe it is because I am in the beginning of the process (still waiting for a referal) that I actually like it when people ask me where I am at in the process. I am so excited about the whole thing that I enjoy talking about it to friends and family.

Regards,
Brandy

[waiting4james]

Since we are 17 months post referral... I KNOW how frustrating this is. You try to get it off your mind as much as is possible, and yet every single day you are bombarded with questions.

I don't think there is a way to make them stop... I've tried everything including saying I don't want to talk about it and the same people ask again the next time they see me.

When it starts really taking a long time you start getting more doozies!

"Are you still getting your baby?"

"Is it still the same baby?"

"Will you get him when he's newborn?" (HELLLLOOOOO!!!!)

"Is his mother changing his mind?"

"Maybe the foster mother wants to keep him."

"I know someone who...... (hate this from people who aren't involved in Guatemala)

"I've heard it's really easy to adopt a black baby." (Really hate that one!)

"Can you get your money back?"

I could go on and on. It's nice people care, but it makes you want to pull your hair out! Maybe we should make T-shirts that say, "If I had any news I'd tell you"

Hang in there!

Chelsea

[crfamily2004]

I can totally emphathize with this one. It is constant...they are relentless....and I know they all mean well, but seriously don't you think I would tell you?? The waiting is killing us and to have to constantly explain 'why' over and over and over drives us crazy. The comments I've heard most lately are about 3rd world countries being backwards and that why can't Guatemala put a rush on it - he is an orphan!!! YIKES!!! I politely now respond with, "actually, he has only been in court for a few weeks, his social worker only took 2 weeks to finish his case prior to that, it is OUR government that has held everything up, it is OUR social worker that took 2 months to write a report, our Embassy that took over a month to issue a piece of paper and when we get out of court we have more time to wait because we will not know when the United States will issue him a visa, Guatemala on the other hand, they seem to understand"

For those that ask me, 'Can't you do something...this is ridiculous?'...I have an invented a deterance; "I am trying to look into it, if you are willing to get involved then let us know when you have time"

Take care nangene and try really hard not to let the little things bother you.

~C

[khaki17]

When I was waiting, I just made up a timeframe. I said, "With any luck at all, I will bring her home in July or August" hoping that maybe it would be May or June. That kind of helped. But, if you do this, be sure to make the time frame a few months after you really expect to bring your little one home...

One day, though, I had had enough and had been asked a million times. When about the fifth person asked me in a short period of time, I finally said "I don't want to talk about it right now. But, I just finished telling these four people and you can talk with them after I leave. I will be headed out in about five minutes." Not the nicest to be sure, and I did have to apologize to the fifth person. But, the point is that many of us have been there and it is frustrating. I have no real words of wisdom. Goodluck to you.

Kathleen
mom to Maya