[Brie Brock]

Ok friends,

I am nothing but thinking about travel...it will be a long 3.5 weeks!! I keep wondering how it is going to feel when we first get to meet Mia and hold her!! I mean do you just bond immediately, is there some time needed before you begin to feel those mothering feelings?? I already feel like she is my daughter and I'm so in love with her picture...does that just automatically transfer over to her when we see her? Just wanted to be prepared in case some of you felt like it took some time. Thanks for sharing.

I have way too much time on my hands to worry about every little thing!

Brie

[vangrad]

I travelled with a girlfriend to Russia to help her bring back 2 toddlers. By the time we got back to the states on that 10-hour flight, *I* was bonded with her kids.

My bet: if it's not instantaneous, it will be really, really fast.

[tricecm]

Here's what happened with us.

My husband traveled to pick up Rosie alone, but he's a really experienced and gentle, loving dad. When the attorney and foster mom arrived at the hotel to bring Rosie, she didn't immediately go to Dan, so the foster mom kept holding her and they all went shopping and had coffee together. While they were together, Rosie went to Dan. She ended up falling asleep in his arms (I posted that picture way back in March), and while she was asleep the foster mom and attorney left. She cried a little bit in the evenings with him for the 2 more days he was there, but was fine. He called me in the evenings, and I could hear her crying--and that's when I bonded to her!

Then, when he came off the plane, I was there waiting with 2 or our 3 boys. I didn't immediately put my arms out to her because I didn't want to scare her or make her uncomfortable. I figured that would do more damage than good. So, my husband hugged me after he got off the plane, and I sat next to him on a bench and spoke gently to her and to him while he told us about his flights. When we drove her home, we didn't put her in a car seat--she'd never been in one before. I just drove while Dan held her. Don't tell the cops. We just didn't want to freak her out on her first night home.

When we got home, Dan held her for a few minutes more, and then she came to me. I sat down and held her for a while--talking to her and to the other kids, and after a while she turned around, pulled herself up higher and stuck her face out at mine to kiss me. I couldn't believe it.

That being said, she met her grandparents one at a time the next day (there are 3 of them). For a while she really was open to having anyone hold her (aunts, uncles, people at church, nurses at the clinic--one time she even reached out to a stranger at the mall), and the pediatrician told us it was because although she was pleasant and loving, she hadn't yet bonded to us as her parents. So, we stopped bringing her to a lot of other people for a while, and she developed a healthy stranger anxiety.

So, that's our story. You'll bond to her as a parent very quickly. You'll just have to help her bond to you. Good luck!

[LeslieinGA]

My first adoption five years ago in Russia...

I'd seen 3 videos of her so I was quite bonded to the video images. The pediatrician walked her into the orphanage directors office where we were and it felt like I was in another world. I still remember that feeling of awe. I slapped my hands over my mouth, got teary eyed, dropped to my knees to get closer to her and my voice rose four octives when I started speaking to her. I've adored her ever since.

My voice is back to normal again, but will probably change when Nataly's adoption is finally complete.

LeslieinGA

[Belenbaby]

When I first laid eyes on Anna it wa s her first birthday. the orphanage just handed her to me... I tried to stay calm, I was nervous it would not be MY daughter. BUT she was my daughter for a year already even though I had never seen her in person. we were told to visit in a small room with a couch, so we all just sat there quietly for a while. every minute I was more happy because I realized she was my daughter in every way. by the end of that first visit which only lasted 3 days we were all completely in love. My 10 yr old son cried all the way home on the plane that he was sad to be away from her...

[becky]

To be perfectly honest it did take a day or two for me to 'really' feel like Bella was mine. I thought she was precious and she was so cute and sweet...but at first I felt like I was babysitting someone else's child. After about 2 days at home, it was just like she was one of the gang!!

My hubby felt completely differently...he has told me that he was nervous about how he would feel about her, but he said the second we walked through the door of the house he fell in love...and boy does she have him wrapped around her tiny finger!!!

[Kate'sMom2B]

For our first adoption, I felt like I was babysitting my son Micah for the first few weeks. I really did. He was amazing at age 14 months, so alert and bright and learning the language so quickly. And I had cried so much during his adoption, I felt so bonded to him during that 8 months. Yet, when he was home it took a little time to feel like his Mom. In the orphanage, he went to me happily as if he always knew I was his mother. He wouldn't even go to the Russian women after we spent time with him, he wanted me.

With my daughter, we made our first visit when she was 16 months old. She was adorable, beautiful bright blue eyes and blonde hair. She was so fair and reminded me of my sister's children. I never tried so hard in my life to make a child smile than with her! When we picked her up 6 months later, I bonded to her quickly. She was 23 months and a little insecure...she was frightened and scared I think and clung to me for dear life. I look back at those pictures, even the pictures within a couple months of coming home, and it's hard to believe it's the same child! She was so quiet and mellow. She is a ball of energy now...always on the go and quite the clown of the family!

When I held Kate, I got really teary. I knew a strong bond would be formed in time, so I just enjoyed spending the time with her. Same with Brielle. I had a lot of distractions when I first met her. But I loved her smooth skin and soft baby fatness and the way she opens her mouth and leans toward your face for a "bite", LOL. I miss her and can't wait to hold her again.

Just my experiences. There's no right or wrong...everyone has a different personality, as does every baby.

[tinkerkel]

I visited twice before we picked up Daniela. I immediately felt like she was meant to be ours and loved her the first time I held her. However, each time we visited it just didn't seem real. When she came home, I felt like a babysitter for weeks and weeks (or maybe, it was just surreal). It very gradually went away as I *learned* to be a mommy (I felt very maternal to her, but for some reason I didn't feel like her mother right way). I felt like a comedy about a career woman becoming a mom. I didn't know how to put the bottles together, I dreaded going to the grocery store with her because I didn't want to look like a complete idiot trying to fit a carrier on a cart! The wierdest part is that I felt like others could not see me as a mom.....in fact, that changed REALLY quickly.

But the way I felt seeing her for the first time....I felt like there was a camera filming a Discovery Health Adoption series...it felt like someone else's story because it was SO exciting and here was this family adopting this gorgeous little girl. I was scared to death that she would scream her head off and everyone would look at me and say "Wow, she's never done that before..." But she did fine and was such an angel. When we finally picked her up...I just couldn't believe that we were done and she was our little girl. For the first few days, she had to sleep in the carrier or on our bed within our sight otherwise, she would cry and cry and cry. But if we were in sight, she would look around and then go back to sleep.

Visits are wonderful...I think it really helped us adapt to the idea and not feel freaked out when we finally did pick her up. Now, Daniela likes to look at her own baby pictures.....

Kelly
guatadopt.com

[Kimberj71]

Thanks so much for this post! I've been wondering how others feel when they bring their little ones home.

The first time we met Londy and Jeremy was for a visit and it was love at first sight. Actually, I loved them, but because we'd lost other referrals I hadnt' let myself fall in love with them. Hope that makes sense. Then on Londy's pick up trip when I finally got to hold her in my arms forever and knew I'd never have to give her back....it was just such a HUGE relief and sense of calm. And I was excited to bring her back home to meet her siblings. I was sad for her fostermom and her family. So many emotions in that hour or so that we spent with her fostermom.

The whole time we were in Guatemala, it just didn't seem real. I even asked our attorney when it would feel real. She was guessing when we got our visa, but it still didn't feel real. The first time it really hit me that this was FOR REAL was the moment the plane touched down in Houston and then the tears just flowed. I probably looked like a blubbering fool, but I was holding my sweet baby girl asleep in my arms and we were safe and sound in the US and she didn't have to go back and there was no more "ifs" about her being ours.

Now that we've been home for a few weeks, I have to say there are still times when it feels like I don't know her or that I'm babysitting. I love her with all that I am. I just don't know her like I knew my other kids at this age and that's just something that will take time. There are times when I wonder if she knows me. But I think she's bonding....she saves her best smiles for my dh and I and her sibs and lately she's started looking into my eyes when I feed her. I adore that and feel like maybe we are starting to connect on a deeper level. Just yesterday she started snuggling in against me when I rock her rather than turning the other direction.

Most of the time, I am just hit by her beauty and what a blessing she is in our lives and I marvel at her in complete love. I look at my older kids and can't even imagine what she will be like at 2.5 or 5 or 6.5.

It's an amazing mix of emotions. What a wonderful journey begins when the adoption journey ends!!! You'll love it!

Kim

[sassafrass]

I visited 6 times and I fell more in love each time. The first two times I knew she was meant to be with us, but the emotions had not fully kicked in. After the 3rd visit, I was completely hooked.
From that point on, I could do nothing more. I thought about her evry second. (I have 3 bios) It was very stressful because she was not doing well and I had to keep cool for my other children.

I am still amazed at the love I felt for a baby I did not bare and I had spent little time with. This is my gift.

And my love for her continues to grow as I see her bonding with my other children. That is truely the best part!!! (except when she holds my face and kisses me. That is pretty close!)

These babies are remarkable!

[aportell67]

Great post, Brie!

The day that we traveled to see Abby, we had quite a harried day of late flights, delays, etc. When we finally got to the hotel, we had to hurry and get a cab to the attorney's office because the FM had been waiting there with our agency rep for quite some time. So needless to say, we were a little stressed trying to get there. As soon as I saw Abby, I couldn't believe how different she looked from her referral picture, and how much smaller she looked than in the pictures. I was already attached to her referral picture, but she looked more precious in person.

She spent the next two days and nights with my husband and I and it was so awesome getting to know her. Everytime she smiled, we melted. It was so hard giving her back to the FM, because I truly felt like she was our daughter by the end of the trip. The only thing that made it bearable is seeing how much the FM cares about her - we really felt she was getting great care!

It was a wonderful experience for us. I'm sure you will enjoy every moment!

[Bitsy]

It is different for each person and there is no right or wrong way to feel. For me....I was completely bonded after I saw the first photo. I'm not kidding. When I actually first saw her (at three months old) I was crying so hard and was SO overwhelmed with love and emotion I thought I may faint. It was unbelievable. I had no idea that seeing her for the first time would have such an impact on me. I KNEW with all my heart from day one that she was my daughter and I loved her just as much as I love my other two children that I had the old fashioned way.

It is a memory that I will cherish for the rest of my life. I can't wait until I can describe it and share it with her someday. I hope she can understand how much that moment meant to me. It was so special.

Hang in there...it won't be long now!!

[oh well]

1. bonding in my opinion depends on the AGE of the child...younger babies I think will bond faster than older ones, etc.
The older child will have more memories of his former life and it will take TIME to make new memories with you, that won't be instant...

2. How I felt....I couldn't believe it...she looked soooo good and healthy. But she was incredibly sad, so sad, to leave her foster mommy...she was 2, and it is hard when they are older. I was so excited to see her in the flesh, I had memorized her photos and watched her grow up in them....

3. But Like Bitsy said...everyone will feel differently, I hope you have a pleasent experience...it is a common thing to dream about! I know I dreamed about it alot, (what it would be like to meet her for the first time)! God Bless. Oh well.

[Kristin Cheek]

Meeting our son for the first time was an amazing, wonderful moment. He was 8 months old when we went to Guatemala to pick him up. The minute the escort placed him in my arms, the world stopped! It was like we had known each other forever. We never had any bonding issues or moments when he fearful of us. I had prayed that he would know my husband and me as his parents, and that he would feel completely at home in our arms. God certainly answered that prayer. He is now 2 1/2 and we are all getting ready to travel to Guatemala to pick up our little Anna. I am hopeful we will have the same wonderful experience with her. No matter what happens, it is the best feeling in the world to finally hold your child.

[Chrysanthemum]

I met Rena for the first time at three months old. We bonded immediatly as did my father who went with me. I can only recall a handful of times that I have seen my dad cry and the day he met Rena was one of them. Each day we grew closer and closer. Leavung her was just awful. I think we both cried all the way home. We picked her up a few months later and have been in heaven ever since!