[CHRISTINA MOON]

I have read in several post about people loosing their referrals after several months. Could someone please explain to me why one would loose a referral? Thanks!

[ivysmom]

Good luck on your adoption journey. People usually lose a refferral becuase the birthmom decides to parent the child. Ther eare however other rare instances where the child doesnt meet the US defitnion of orphan and the adotpion cannot be completed( will not happen if you are working wiht a good and ehticval agecny and atty) Soemtimes the ** disappears and the case goes to an abandonment and the lawyer doesn't wnat to process it or the adoptive parents have to back out. Soemtimes there have been unknown or undisclosed medical problems. All of the scenarios even the ** deciding to parent are very rare though they do happen.
hope i answered your question
Nina

[CHRISTINA MOON]

That all makes sense, I just did not think about it happening after the referral to someone had already been made. Thanks for taking your time to answer...

[margulies]

Birthmom has 4 opportunities to change her mind. The 4th is the final signing after PGN.

Also if something drastic happens before DNA testing. The opportunity to lose referral is strongly there.

[CHRISTINA MOON]

After PGN? Does that mean after you have gone through all the hoops & think you are bringing your baby home soon, she can still change her mind?? That is one of the main reason why I felt that adopting internationally would be better. Are the odds as high for a b.m. to change her mind in Guatemala as they are here in the US? I have read 1 in 4 for the U.S.

[99hopeful81067]

I have heard that ** changing her mind is much, much rarer in Guatemala adoptions than in domestic adoptions. I have mixed feelings about the **'s 4 opportunities to change her mind. On the one hand of course is the fear of losing a baby you've got your heart set on. On the other hand I would hate to think the ** was hustled into a decision.

[99hopeful81067]

Sorry, I didn't realize my abbreviation of BIRTH MOTHER was going to be converted to asterisks

[optimisticfor3]

Hi Christina,

As someone else already mentioned, it is rare for a ** to change her mind. I'm sure the decision to have her child adopted is a very difficult one, something she has thought about a lot. Most birthmom come to this decision because they are too poor to raise the child adequately. I seriously doubt that her living conditions and level of poverty are going to drastically change during the adoption process, so there would be no reason to change her mind. It DOES happen, and you have to be mentally prepared for that possibility. What has gotten me through so far (waiting for 4 months so far, still in family court, the DNA hasn't been done yet) is the belief that it WILL happen, that this is our baby, and I will be her mommy one day soon!!!

I hope you get your referral soon.

Monica
in Israel
Mom to two daughters adopted from Guatemala
waiting for third daughter (6 months old)

[Rhonda Roo]

We had one that we had to back out of. But we lost our first one to something that is not as common: DNA doesn't match.

This is not a very common occurrance. We went out to the mailbox and received the DNA for our first referral--it didn't match. We called our agency to see what to do next, and they told us that everything was fine--until I asked them to explain the report I had in my hand. The child was removed from foster care, I believe; and we lost that referral.

I guess because of this, I highly encourage checking and rechecking everything; because human error is inevitable for everybody.

Rhonda Roo

[Kimberj71]

We lost our 4 referrals because the birthmothers changed their minds and decided to parent their children. In 3 of the 4 cases this happened within the first 2 weeks or less after they relinquished their babies. According to our attorney, it is not uncommon for birthmoms to change their minds early on in the process. She did say that it is rare for it to happen later on.

In my mind there is always that chance. We too thought it would occur less in international adoption, but we have experienced otherwise. Just know that birthmoms everywhere can and do change their minds and be prepared for that possibility.

Kim