[felmel]

Our daughter has been home for 6 months now and her English is progressing so well that she can now tell when kids are saying mean things to her. She has had several problems with a few boys. I talked to the teachers about one of the boys and it stopped from him. Now today she was crying about another boy calling her ugly and saying that her color was bad. We had a long talk about racism tonight. She understood what it was because she said her mom and grandmother in Guatemala didn't like people with white skin! That surprised me since her mom gave her up for adoption and had to know that there was a good chance that she would be adopted by a white family.

I knew that these issues would come up; however, I am wondering how others have dealt with these issues.

I am adding a picture of Joselin with her new dog Pipsqueak. She is a very spoiled dog that is carried around like a baby. With four kids, two dogs and two cats, and a husband that is activated, the last thing I needed was a new dog! Weak, I am so weak!! Joselin has been nagging me for a dog since Sarah got a beagle for her birthday in November and when a friend rescued a bunch of abused and neglected dogs....well, like I said, I am weak!

[crathke]

Fel--I can't help with advice, but I wanted to say that what Joselin had to deal with at school is just lousy and I am so sorry it happened to her. Please tell her that "Ruben Orlando's mama" says that her skin isn't "bad", that boy's *attitude* is "bad"!!

And as far as Pipsqueak and being weak....well, every kid needs at least one dog of their own sometime in their life, right?? (plus he can get you out of the house for long walks!)

Take care--think of you all often.....

[delaware1]

Hi Felicia-
I'm so sorry to hear of Joselin's problems in school. I have no advice, but give her a hug from me.
Is pipsqueek a Jack Russell? She reminds me of my spoiled little furbaby, Ethel.
love-
Kathleen

[chrismat]

Hi!

Tell Joselin that I think she is pretty. In a few years these same boys with a bad attitude are going to wish they had been a little nicer. Beacasue when she is a teenager she will be a beautiful young women with boys falling for her and they will still be boys with bad attitudes that no girl will want to date.


Jackie

[Jeanne21]

I know you are the mom, and that you are an awesome parent to your daughter, but... I think that as your daughter ages (especially through puberty) she is going to need to talk to adult women of colour, especially Hispanic women. That way, she can draw on life experiences and learn what it means to be a non-white person in the US. She needs to be proud of who, and what, she is... just telling her she is "pretty" is not enough, nor is talking to one teacher about one boy. Racism is going to be around her for her entire life (especially if she is living in a predominantly white area and she sticks out more)... She needs to work on how she, personally, will address these issues of racism. Unforunately, although you can help her with everything else in her life, she needs someone with experience for this part.

[Bassette]

Gee whiz Felicia, I'm sorry joselin is hit up with this so soon after joining the family. She's so beautiful that I am inclined to think that the remarks are spawned out of jealousy and I hope you will tell her so! I bet you already have, you "weak" Mama you!

By the way, I'm weak too and I think it is just a reflection of how deeply in love we are with our kids, right? RIGHT!


Kids pick on what is most obvious. My daughter has a friend that is skipping school repeatedly because he is being picked on. His family is quite wealthy, he has 240 pairs of tennis shoes and drives a pimped out 2004 escalade amongst other obvious signs ,.... can you believe he is ridiculed for that? Another of her friends is picked on, and I mean down right ridiculed because she is beautiful! Girls are jealous of her extraordinary beauty and make up rumors, trip her, throw stuff at her in the halls etc. If Joselin was white with blonde hair and rather ordinary looking they would find something to latch onto. Oh yeah, here's a good one,..... a student in Britain's school was picked on so much for eyebrows that she completely shaved them off and draws them on with a makeup pencil!!! The kids will find something!

One thing I have done throughout my daughter's life is to research and place her in interracial environments and take her to culture events even if they don't reflect her own racial background. I also petitioned to have her enrolled in schools outside my district where the student body was most diverse. I think the key for her though was dunking her into the culture events and going out of my way to surround her with peeps of various races.

Adoption playgroups, and hispanic organizations (some have events) are another idea to look into.

You're such a faboo mother Felicia! Your love and occassional weaknesses (like pipsqueak) will be the biggest comfort to our sweet little Joselin!!!

[minemake14]

I very seldom post but I just love hearing about your daughter and am always in awe of your ability to work with and for her. I am sorry for your current difficulties and now know someone to seek out if I run into this kind of thing next year when my son starts school.
She is really growing up into a lovely girl., and now with her very own puppy,how cool.

[FUZZYPEACH]

I am the mother of 3 children all mine their father is mexican and we have had alot of racial comments that have been made to us. My children are now 18,17, and 15. My oldest is Corey and he has struggled since grade school, his friends are mostly hispanic because he has been told that he is not white. He has had fist fights not only with white boys but also with hispanic boys. Their is no easy way for these children. We have an active church schedual were he is welcome from every one. But come school time he is in alot of turmoil. I wish I could tell you this becomes easier but it does not. I just make him feel good about himself and tell him to keep his chin up. I do know that since we moved from Washington to Oregon there is more mixed family's here so it is more excepting. I will pray for you and your daughter she is very pretty, just always make here feel good about herself and I do belief eventually people well look past a persons skin color.
Many prayers
Shawn

[Dawn080688]

(((((Felice & Joselin))))))

It's sad to see how mean people can be, even if those people are children. As for the dog, at least the dog will give her unconditional love, unlike the humans that poor Joselin has met in school.

Are you weak? No. Just compassionate.

Growing up with a dog of your own teaches love, respect, friendship, commitment and responsibility.

[Chrysanthemum]

I agree withthe posters above. I also believe the school/teacher should be very active in educating these children about differences. The school should put a stop to this asap. If they don't I would complain.

My friend has a son from Korea. He was having all sorts of problems at school and on the bus. My friend first talked to the bus driver who hapened to be a retired police officer. He said it would toughen the boy up. Wrong. She went to the top. Parents wer contacted and it ended. Your beautiful daughter should not have to take this at school. I would definatley raise a rucus. Quietly of course

[Chrysanthemum]

By the way, you tell Joselin I think she is beautiful!

[kiwi]

Joselin is so beautiful!!!

I'm not sure if the extent of the teasing is just based on appearances, if so, I can relate a little bit. When i was young, my eyes were way too big for my head (refer to my avatar for a visual) and got called "bug-eyes" a lot, mostly by my older brother's friends. A few years later, when I grey into my eyes, it was those same boys who were saying "your sister has such big pretty eyes!"

[Kesti]

Although I am caucasian, what I have found out in my life is that we are either too tall, too short, too fat, too skinny, too light, too dark, etc. It seems that no matter what we are we are made fun of. When I was slim, I was told by people I was too slim. Now that I am heavier, people say I am too fat but before I was too thin as I stated earlier. When we went to Aruba with no tans the other caucasians made fun of my husband because he is too white.

Please tell Joselin that she is perfect. Please tell her that only people who are insecure with themselves have to make fun of others to make themselves feel better.

Also, please tell her she is beautiful, because she is!

Kesti

[Mimi Morris]

Hi,
I was a victim of a lot of teasing all through elementary school and junior high. I had a weight problem until I hit puberty and then I was quite "developed " for my age. I think what saved me was finding a different peer group. For me it was taking horseback riding lessons and making friends outside of my school - that is what helped me build up my self esteem. You might consider outside activities as time/money allows. We have an international school in our community that we hope to enroll our daughter in when she is preschool age. I think it is important not to minimize the teasing. Do let her know that she deserves to be treated better and that you do not expect her to tolerate teasing and mistreatment. My Mom never really understood what it was like for me and let me tell you the comment "the kids only tease people they really like" was not helpful and certainly not true in my case. I think you were very sweet and kind to let your daughter have a puppy . I also think your daugher is beautiful and I hope she can learn to embrace her beauty and her heritage.
Please let us know how things are going for her.
Blessings,