[felmel]

My daughter Joselin has now been home for two months now. Wow, how time flies. Slowly we are getting her education in order. She has been tested in Spanish and we know where she stands, first grade level. On December 12th we are having a meeting to determine how to meet her needs. If anyone has any advice on services to request, I would love to hear it.

Joselin and Sarah have had their up and downs. Most of their problems occur because of the communication problems. We had Caroline Tiffin over to our house one night to do translations. (Up until 1 am). This helped greatly. The girls are now getting along much better and Joselin seems much happier. Now, I have a group of three friends that I can call whenever we have an issue and I can't translate. This has also helped greatly. I must say that the pouting has decreased by quite a bit, thank goodness!

On Tuesday, Joselin had surgery for a blocked tear duct. She allowed them to start her IV without any fuss and seemed very pleased to be having the surgery. When she came out of the surgery, they let me go back because she was talking Spanish and they didn't know what she was saying. When I got back there, she was way out of it, looked and sounded drunk. When she saw me, she just grinned and said "mom, donde esta?". I was pleased that even in her drunken stupor, I was mom. I was amazed at how stoic she was at the hospital. No tears or any problems at all. I know that my youngest would have had a fit over the IV.

We are having a great Thanksgiving. My husband got the weekend off and was able to drive home from DC. Joselin seems very much to want his attention and seems to love having her dad around. My husband thinks that he will be in DC at least until the end of May. He is working in Casualty and Mortuary Affairs and is very busy. I will be glad to get him home and will be even more glad when they pay him! They messed up his pay and he hasn't been paid since November 1st. They still haven't gotten it straightened out and he won't get paid on December 1st. It wouldn't be so bad if I worked outside of the home, but he is our only provider. Here we have a service member called back to active duty from retirement, sent to DC so you are supporting two households and you can't pay them on a timely manner. I had three kids with birthdays in November and Christmas is next month. AARRGGHHHH.... Anyway, LOL Joselin has gotten the concept of Christmas presents down. She has gone through all of our toy catalogs and put a "J" next to every toy that she wants (many of them! LOL) The other day I picked up my Woman's Day magazine and when I got to a toy section, there were "J's" all over the place, I had to laugh. At least I know what she likes, my 10 yo doesn't know what she wants and wants me to get her something for older kids.

Well, here I am, going on and on again. I hope that eveyone had a great Thanksgiving and I am happy to read about all of the new PGN exits. I am going to post one of my recent favorite pictures of the kids, don't know why I love it, just a mom can I guess.

[JeannineW]

Thank you! I love to hear your updates.

[fjdelvalle]

I was just wondering what programs are available in the area you live? I teach 2nd grade in Texas and we offer both Bilingual (Half instruction in English and half in Spanish) and ESL (Speak Spanish but either to much to be in Bilingual or parents denied Bilingual) programs for our students. Either of these would be great for her. The school I teach in has a very large population of Spanish speaking students and parents. I teach only English but I am ESL certified and I have 3 parents that don’t speak English at all. I have noticed that children seem to adjust well but they do go through an adjustment period that typically last a few months. I would recommend that you check with your local and school library to see what books and movies they offer in Spanish. If she can start making connections between the Spanish and English words she will progress much faster. It is all about vocabulary.

Hope this helped some.
Jamie

[felmel]

Jamie,

Unfortunately we live in South Carolina and they are unprepared for the issues that we have. Joselin has not been to school before and when you add that to her language, it is difficult for them to decide what to do with her. There are no bilingual classes here, as a matter of fact, they don't even teach Spanish until high school. Because she is 11, they put her in the 5th grade. I wanted her in the 4th grade because 6th grade is middle school here and I wanted her to have extra time before she went to middle school.

They are giving her ESL for an hour each day and I am teaching her to read in Spanish at home. Luckily I had 6 years of Spanish and can read it well (even if I can't understand it all, at least she does!). The only Spanish books I have are either preschool or early level. She seems to be picking up some of the words now. I really don't know what I am doing, just trying my best. The school has finally admitted that perhaps they should have put her in 4th grade and are thinking of changing her after Christmas. They don't want her going to middle school next year either. What do you do with a non-english speaking student who is 5 grades behind? Hopefully, we will have some good ideas during our meeting in December.

[fjdelvalle]

Felicia,

I can’t imagine how overwhelming school is for her with never having been in school before. The school at which I work will occasionally have a student from Mexico that has never attended school. However we only teach up to 2nd grade so the children we get have a lot less to make up. Even then it is still a struggle to get them up to where they need to be.

If her ESL teacher is good you should slowly start seeing improvement. You may want to conference with the ESL teacher and see if she can suggest things for you to do with Yoselin at home. There might even be a Reading Resource teacher or Reading Specialist that can work with her. That would also help her vocabulary and her comprehension. Check to see if her school has any of the following programs. Every state is different and unfortunately it seems like (at least here) the “better” areas provide less interventions and more extracurricular type programs.

Learning Center – Generally provides extremely low student to teacher ratio. Also allows for additional assistance for the child. Kind of like tutoring.

Content Mastery – She most likely will not qualify for this but is does provide assistance
that is directly related to any learning problems.

Tutoring – Sometimes schools will allow high school students to work with students at the elementary schools. Who knows maybe they could even find someone that speaks Spanish.

Sometimes when schools face situations like these they drag their feet. Even the best intentions sometimes get pushed aside or forgotten. Keep working with her and stay on the teachers and principal. Put some responsibility on the teacher to talk with other teachers in lower grades to find activities that challenge and help her progress. Don’t give in. You know her better than they do. Have faith and make it fun. Find games you can play as a family that will help her. Acknowledge even the smallest progress and offer lots of encouragement.

Jamie

[JeannineW]

Felicia,

Have you thought about and would Joselin be interested in homeschooling. Maybe just until next Fall. I'm afraid she may get off to a bad start in school now and hate it forever. You could enroll her in lots of extra activities that don't require a lot of academic skills so she didn't feel like she was missing out socially.

If you worked with her as much as you can, she couldn't be any worse off starting 5th grade in the Fall than she is now in 5th grade. Her English would be lots better by then and I bet she'd learn a ton of other stuff as well.

Something to consider if it's feasible.

[teacher2003]

Thanks for taking the time to give us an update on your daughter. Sounds like your home is starting to get back to "normal". What every that is when a traveling husband, teenagers and children are involved!

Your children look great in the picture. Keep up the good work.

[felmel]

Jeannine,

As a military family, I have homeschooled my children on occasion when they were having adjustment problems. However, this was normally short term as they were better when they could develop friendships outside of the home.

I have considered homeschooling Joselin, however, I think that in the long run she is better off at school. She has developed a friendship with a girl in her class that is from Mexico and is bilingual. I have also seen other changes from being with her peers. When she first came here, she wanted to wear only dresses, dress shoes and couldn't match clothes at all. After a few weeks in school, she started to wear jeans and tennis shoes and matches much better. I know that it doesn't seem like much, but it helps her to be around kids during the day in assimilating the culture. Also, she was very interested in going to school. All of the kids go off to school at the same time, I don't know how she would react to being singled out and schooled at home.

Also, I must admit that I need the time during the day. With my husband gone, I have been going crazy so I started a part time job during the day to be among adults! I work from 9 to 1 with liberal time off for kids appointments, which are many! My 9th grader gets migraines, my 8th grader is a cheerleader and plays oboe in the band, Joselin just had surgery and has had many appointments, and my 4th grader has neurofibromatosis and also has many appointments. I don't think that I would be as good of a mom if I didn't have some time to myself. We live in South Carolina and my family is in Texas so I have no support group here.

[JeannineW]

Felicia,

It sounds like you are doing the right thing for both of you by keeping her in school. Here's another crazy idea. You get those when you can't sleep at night. Colds and pregnancy don't go together very well.

I'm sure this one probably won't work and you've probably already thought of it but could you move up to DC for the Spring semester. We definitely have resources that probably aren't available in SC. I joked with my daughter's preschool that our adopted daughter will fit in a lot better than my bio daughter. You don't have to dignify this crazy suggestion with a response.

I wish there was an easy answer. It must be difficult having your husband and family so far away. Want an "adopted" Grandma? My mom lives on Hilton Head Island that's probably only a few hours from you.

I also have to say that I love South Carolina. I went to USC in Columbia and would have stayed there if all my family hadn't been in the DC area. Of course, then my parents moved to Hilton Head.

DH and I are thinking of moving to Pinehurst, NC, in a few years. I've been trying to learn about the area. I'm still trying to sort out if a Washingtonian like me can move to a small town or not. It sure sounds appealing in many ways. If anyone has thoughts on that, you can PM me.

Well, I'm going to try to go back to sleep now.

[felmel]

Jeannine

LOL Not so crazy. Out of frustration, we have jokingly talked about us going to spend the rest of the school year in Texas with family. I know that in Texas she would be able to receive the help she needs. Honestly, if she were my only child, I would probably do just that. However, with Jason in his first year of high school, Tasha in cheerleading and Sarah doing well in her self contained classroom, it is not possible. We can't sacrifice three kids stability for the sake of one. I have learned how to get the services needed for Sarah, so I will continue to work at it until I get the services that Joselin needs.

We will be in DC right after Christmas; we should hook-up. Actually my husband is staying in Alexandria, right off of the metro stop.

[Bassette]

Felicia, I just love your updates about Joselin!

Please don't ever apologize for going on and on! I find myself wanting more and more everytime I reach the end of your stories/updates!

I don't know what I would do without your heartwarming stories, especially since Courtney has gotten busy and cut back on her Aaron stories.

Love the photo, and totally understand why you do as well!!!!!

[Leebert2]

Felicia,

Thanks for the new update on Joselin. I think about you guys often and wonder how it is going. I can't wait for the Christmas update. I think that keeping her in school is an excellent choice, just for the reasons you described. It is good for her to be around other children and develop socially with them. In addition, she will constantly be listening to them talk and that is so beneficial. Children always develop language best when interacting with their peers. The ESL sounds great too - you will see results in no time. And reading with her in Spanish at home is great!!! If she can learn to read in her native language, she will do better when learning to read in English. We have many non English speakers at my school and several that have not ever been in school and they are getting a similar formula of instruction. How lucky she is to have you. And you are doing all this for her, while keeping the happiness and security of your entire family in mind. It sounds like all is going so well. Please keep the updates coming!!

Lisa

[crathke]

Felicia-Like Steph, I am always so excited to see a "Joselin update" so, please, keep 'em coming!

And Steph--I'll come up with something Just For You, okay??

[felmel]

I have tried to start a new post to add an update and it wouldn't allow me to so I am adding on to this post.

For those of you considering an older child adoption, I thought I would update on our adoption journey. It has now been 15 months since our daughter Joselin came home from Guatemala. I have not been writing much lately because we have been so busy. My dh is still in the DC area working for the army as a retiree recall. Hopefully, he will get home in May.

We brought our daughter home in September of 2003. We were under the impression that she was 8 years old at the time. However, while in Guatemala, we met with her birthmom and realized that she was several years older. This change in age made Joselin the same age as our youngest daughter. I would have to say that this has been the biggest problem that we have had. Joselin immediately tried to put herself ahead of the other kids in pecking order. The teenagers had no problem letting her know that she was below them. However, Sarah was not prepared for the battles and the meanness of Joselin. Joselin was never mean to Sarah in front of me; however, she was mean when out of my sight. I finally had to resort to putting a baby monitor in their room and eventually (after adding on to the house) put them in their own bedrooms. After my experiences, I totally believe in trying to keep birth order with your children. I know that people are successful when not keeping birth order; however, my personal opinion is that it is much easier when birth order is kept.

We went through many stages: major pouting, sulking, spoiled behaviors, bossiness, fighting at school and on bus (requiring me to take her off the bus), fighting with her ESL teacher to do work, stealing, lying and a host of other issues. I would have to say that her meanness has been the most difficult issue for us. It is the only issue that we are dealing with to this date. I do have to say that is has gotten better. She has come to realize that if she is mean, there are consequences. When no kids come to the door to play with her, she will say it is because she is mean. We have adopted a zero tolerance with regards to her meanness and it has helped. Now when she goes to play she will say that she will be nice. I also tell her when I notice her being nice. The biggest issue she has now is the other kids in the house. They are having a hard time seeing the improvements she has made and are slow to allowing her into their activities. Luckily, Sarah is the most forgiving and they will now play for long periods of time together.

There were many things that Joselin had to learn after arriving home. Some simple things like how to stand in line! She would go right to the front of lines and really annoy folks. She also had to learn how to; share, make and keep friends, behave in class and follow rules, trust adults, be parented, take turns and many other things that we normally teach our kids without thought. She has done quite well in learning how we do things and acceptable behavior. Joselin made a big breakthrough this last semester in school. She is finally making friends. This has been a really big thing for her. She had the hardest time because she thought that if a girl wanted to play with anyone else, then they weren’t her friend anymore and then she would be mean to them. She finally learned (with the help of her teacher) that it is OK to play with different girls at different times.

A main issue has been Joselin’s education. She came home knowing the Spanish alphabet and how to count. The schools here are not prepared for an 11 year old girl that does not have any education. We have struggled to find the help that she needs. We contemplated homeschooling, but the social aspects seemed to outweigh the positives. She loves going to school. She is even going crazy over Christmas break and is ready to go back to school. This is an ongoing project and right now she goes to ESL five days a week, speech and has tutors at school. Her English is not an issue, she speaks English really well. I would say that by the 6 month mark, we were communicating really well.

In the past month, we have really had a lot of settling in. Joselin now talks of how happy she is with her new family. The other day she said this and I said back, “That is good because you are stuck with goofy us”, she responded, “I know, forever” and smiled at me. She sat down last week and told me whole family story. I had heard bits and pieces, but this was the first time I heard it straight through. (I promise to get a copy to her brothers family!) When she would talk of abusive periods, she would say that we don’t do that here in her new family. She has also decided that she is ready to be baptized at our church. This is a total reversal of just a few months ago. I remember well the day the she cried to me that this was all harder than she thought it would be. When I remember those days, I realize how far we have come and how blessed our family has been.

[felmel]

First picture of Joselin taken when she was first at the hogar.